Chapel Hill’s Notoriously Clueless and Stonewalling Faculty/Athletics Person, Joy Renner…

… gets a university-wide prize for doing her part to maintain the illusion (is there anyone left who actually holds this illusion?) that disgraced jockshop University of North Carolina is a serious institution of higher education.

Chapel Hill’s new awardee (name: Joy)
Gets a prize for maintaining the ploy
That full-time sport jocks
Prioritize Locke
Over the next game against Illinois.

‘”A number of victims were told that if they made a report of rape, their parents would be informed of the details of where they were and what they were doing,” said Chad Dunn, a Houston attorney who represents six women who have sued Baylor under the anonymous identification of Jane Doe.’

A limerick for Baylor University.


‘Tis Pity She’s a Whore

A student got raped down at Baylor?
The school’s got a great way to nail her —
You’re a harlot who drinks!
Your immortal soul stinks!
Now who’ll be the next to impale her?

Trumper Warning

Rep. Mark Sanford, R-South Carolina, said Trump promised to protect several articles of the Constitution — including “Article XII,” even though the Constitution has seven articles.

“It was the normal stream of consciousness that’s long on hyperbole and short on facts,” Sanford told reporters after the meeting.


From out of some random mind particle
Comes the notion of Number Twelve Article.
That Scalia was strangled
And Vince Foster mangled
Come from the particle’s sparticle.


His worshipful masses were sure no
Taint wafted up to Paterno
But then things got real
Jerry lodged an appeal
Happy Valley’s become an inferno

Sign the petition. Help the President of the University of Arizona to step down.

The people at UA ask why
Their president whores for DeVry.
“Oh, go lay a fart,”
Says President Hart,
“Fuck off, adios, and bye-bye.”

Sign the petition.

“The Other Pitino is Dealing with a Sex Scandal at Minnesota”

The Pitino dynasty is at it again.


A father and son named Pitino
Ran two basketball teams molto fino
A whorehouse, sex tapes
And assorted odd scrapes —
It’s a screenplay by Q. Tarantino


UD thanks John.


A Baltimore school name of Towson
Was recently found to be housin’
Both Freundel and Mead
Who sure seem to need
Lots of videotape for arousin’

Chinese Checkers…

… as in real actual fact checkers… might have helped here; but, really, in a context of close to zero critical capacity in regard to contemporary American poetry, plus an eagerness for ethnic balance, what do you think is going to happen?

Ol’ Yi-Fen is refreshingly honest:

“As a strategy for ‘placing’ poems, [using as Asian name in place of my all-American name] has been quite successful for me,” [Michael Derrick Hudson] said, noting that “The Bees” had been rejected 40 times under his own name but only nine times under the pseudonym before it was printed by the journal Prairie Schooner.

And then picked up for this year’s Best American Poetry collection.

Will it make Best of the Best?

UD doesn’t think so. UD notes that the poem and the poet have given the poetry world major tsuris. Yi-Fen Chou Michael Derrick Hudson looks headed for inclusion in Least-Liked American Poets 2016.


A far more elaborate Asian-author hoax is discussed here (the discussion includes a quotation from Margaret Soltan UD SOS). It’s also mentioned here, in connection with this latest Let’s Pretend.

Yet more on the Araki Yasusada hoax here. Funny how everyone’s reminded of it.

(My 2000 article on Yasusada is here, but you need to have/buy access.)

(Plus I wrote a follow-up to that piece:

“The Bicameral Mind: Response to Bill Freind’s ‘Just Hoaxing’.” Angelaki 6.3 (2001): 221-24. MLA International Bibliography. Ames Lib. 31 Mar 2008.)


A limerick? Must I?


I cannot help noticing how
When I put words like Yi, Fen, and Chou
At the top of my page
I become all the rage
But everyone’s mad at me now

Gohmert at the Galleries.

A congressman famed for his anger
Wants museums to bust Margaret Sanger.
Their refusal leaves Louie
– At zero for two-y –
To calm himself down with his wanger.

A Second Teague Limerick.

In the person of Norwood T. Teague
Minnesota has found its own Queeg
Although in this mutiny
Significant scrutiny
Only turned up a sexist old peeg.

Norwood Goes Down

The Gophers AD, Norwood Teague,
Got caught up in a bit of intrigue.
His request to go down
Drew an unfriendly frown
And now he is out of his league.


UD thanks Roy.

“‘We’ve come to expect these unjust assaults,’ said Gene Feichtner, president and chief operating officer of the huge for-profit chain ITT Technical Institute, which has been sued by CFPB, faces fraud charges from SEC and is under investigation by 16 state attorneys general. “

Ah. With each clause, UD’s smile widens.


Very good brief backgrounder here.


The next big change, they say, came in 2006, when Congress passed legislation backed by the Bush administration that erased a requirement that colleges deliver at least half their courses on a campus.
The top regulator on higher education at the Education Department during this time was Sally Stroup, now general counsel for the for-profit’s chief lobbying arm, the Association of Private Sector Colleges and Universities.

“That’s when these guys took off,” said Tom Harkin, a former Democratic senator from Iowa who led a 2012 investigation into the for-profit industry. He said moving everything online made it easier for private investors to snap up failing schools and hide from regulators. Meanwhile, the schools invested heavily in lobbyists and making political connections that guaranteed access to federal student aid would be protected, he said.

“These schools went out and ran wild with government money,” Harkin said.


A fed’ral official named Stroup
Did the ol’ gov-to-biz loop de loop:
She made our schools trash
And sucked in the cash
But now it is time to regroup.


Empty stadia, kickbacks, and Blatter:
What to do now that FIFA’s in tatters?
“For our very next step,
We will re-elect Sepp!
Every tea party needs a Mad Hatter.”

Professor v. Professor

A Utah professor named Cassell
Finds Dershowitz rather a hassle.
‘So you say you’re defamed?
Two can play at that game.
Get set for one hell of a rassle.’


When pondering Jonathan Burrows
The brow assumes multiple furrows.
Though a big millionaire
He still dodges the fare!
The man should consult some good neuros.


UD thanks Dirk.

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