Limerick.

Berkeley’s Center for Social Ontology
Specializes in Dad/Babe pornology
Its director John Searle
Is in search of a girl
To help him explore his pathology

Limerick.

Position your tone sotto voce
When you utter the name Carlo Croce.
His… odd western blots
Make the other guys plotz.
You could call his research largely fauxce.

Nevertheless, She Persisted.

On Sessions Elizabeth Warren
Steadfastly attempted to bore in.
But Senator Mitch
Quickly shut up the bitch:
“Who the hell let that talkative whore in?”

********************

Another, from a UD reader:

When Senator Warren persisted
In giving a speech that consisted
Of talking about
Some Confederate lout
The GOP’s knickers got twisted.

********************

And another.

Elizabeth Warren ballistic
Set off Mitch McConnell sadistic.
Jeff Sessions sat smirking,
With Senators working
To not seem to be chauvinistic.

Limerick.

Shakespearean Limerick About Monica Crowley

Now Harper and Collins, most growly,
Suspend their edition of Crowley.
“You blackguard! Whoreson!”
Crieth vilified Mon.
“Thou playest against me most foully.”

A message from John H. Hammergren, one of our trustees here at the Center for Strategic and International Studies.

Wyoming, McDowell, and Boone, and Mingo:
These four no-count hollers all add up to… BINGO!
Get set for a lesson
From Mr McKesson
America’s greediest chairman, by jingo.

To ship oodles and oodles of Oxy
To the poor and defenseless takes moxie.
While they die addicted
From what I’ve inflicted
I’m hoarding my bucks from the proxies.

Let’s toast West Virgina, my friends!
Let’s toast my obscene dividends!
And thank-you to the villagers
From our “most rapacious pillager”
Your trustee, John H. Hammergren.

*******************

[UD thanks Dirk.]

Ain’t football a blessing.

When Baylor first hired Art Briles
The prez and trustees were all smiles.
But there’s just no escapin’
A teamful of rapin’–
Get ready, get set, for the trials.

**********

And remember, kiddies: Baylor’s already paying Briles six million dollars or so a year to go away.

Truly, truly a blessing.

***********

Baylor University: Toxic Christianity.

While a lawsuit was almost certainly expected, if Briles thinks people at Baylor conspiring against him is why he doesn’t have another job, he’s clinically insane. Anyone associated with Baylor, its athletic department and its football team is toxic right now. Briles wouldn’t be considered for any jobs at any level even if he was carry a sack full of recommendations from Baylor’s administration.

After Briles gave an incredibly weak apology for the out-of-control program he ran at Baylor, did anyone think he would be getting a job any time soon? The guy just doesn’t seem to understand the havoc players wreaked under his watch and just how awful the culture he promoted was.

If Briles was smart, he’d have laid low for a few years, then mounted a comeback with some very serious apologies. Instead he’s out there suing his former employer and acting like he did nothing wrong.

Chapel Hill’s Notoriously Clueless and Stonewalling Faculty/Athletics Person, Joy Renner…

… gets a university-wide prize for doing her part to maintain the illusion (is there anyone left who actually holds this illusion?) that disgraced jockshop University of North Carolina is a serious institution of higher education.

Chapel Hill’s new awardee (name: Joy)
Gets a prize for maintaining the ploy
That full-time sport jocks
Prioritize Locke
Over the next game against Illinois.

‘”A number of victims were told that if they made a report of rape, their parents would be informed of the details of where they were and what they were doing,” said Chad Dunn, a Houston attorney who represents six women who have sued Baylor under the anonymous identification of Jane Doe.’

A limerick for Baylor University.

*********************

‘Tis Pity She’s a Whore

A student got raped down at Baylor?
The school’s got a great way to nail her —
You’re a harlot who drinks!
Your immortal soul stinks!
Now who’ll be the next to impale her?

Trumper Warning

Rep. Mark Sanford, R-South Carolina, said Trump promised to protect several articles of the Constitution — including “Article XII,” even though the Constitution has seven articles.

“It was the normal stream of consciousness that’s long on hyperbole and short on facts,” Sanford told reporters after the meeting.

*******************

From out of some random mind particle
Comes the notion of Number Twelve Article.
That Scalia was strangled
And Vince Foster mangled
Come from the particle’s sparticle.

Limerick.

His worshipful masses were sure no
Taint wafted up to Paterno
But then things got real
Jerry lodged an appeal
Happy Valley’s become an inferno

Sign the petition. Help the President of the University of Arizona to step down.

The people at UA ask why
Their president whores for DeVry.
“Oh, go lay a fart,”
Says President Hart,
“Fuck off, adios, and bye-bye.”

Sign the petition.

“The Other Pitino is Dealing with a Sex Scandal at Minnesota”

The Pitino dynasty is at it again.

******************

A father and son named Pitino
Ran two basketball teams molto fino
A whorehouse, sex tapes
And assorted odd scrapes —
It’s a screenplay by Q. Tarantino

*****************

UD thanks John.

Limerick.

A Baltimore school name of Towson
Was recently found to be housin’
Both Freundel and Mead
Who sure seem to need
Lots of videotape for arousin’

Chinese Checkers…

… as in real actual fact checkers… might have helped here; but, really, in a context of close to zero critical capacity in regard to contemporary American poetry, plus an eagerness for ethnic balance, what do you think is going to happen?

Ol’ Yi-Fen is refreshingly honest:

“As a strategy for ‘placing’ poems, [using as Asian name in place of my all-American name] has been quite successful for me,” [Michael Derrick Hudson] said, noting that “The Bees” had been rejected 40 times under his own name but only nine times under the pseudonym before it was printed by the journal Prairie Schooner.

And then picked up for this year’s Best American Poetry collection.

Will it make Best of the Best?

UD doesn’t think so. UD notes that the poem and the poet have given the poetry world major tsuris. Yi-Fen Chou Michael Derrick Hudson looks headed for inclusion in Least-Liked American Poets 2016.

*******************

A far more elaborate Asian-author hoax is discussed here (the discussion includes a quotation from Margaret Soltan UD SOS). It’s also mentioned here, in connection with this latest Let’s Pretend.

Yet more on the Araki Yasusada hoax here. Funny how everyone’s reminded of it.

(My 2000 article on Yasusada is here, but you need to have/buy access.)

(Plus I wrote a follow-up to that piece:

“The Bicameral Mind: Response to Bill Freind’s ‘Just Hoaxing’.” Angelaki 6.3 (2001): 221-24. MLA International Bibliography. Ames Lib. 31 Mar 2008.)

********************

A limerick? Must I?

Okay.

I cannot help noticing how
When I put words like Yi, Fen, and Chou
At the top of my page
I become all the rage
But everyone’s mad at me now

Gohmert at the Galleries.

A congressman famed for his anger
Wants museums to bust Margaret Sanger.
Their refusal leaves Louie
– At zero for two-y –
To calm himself down with his wanger.

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