Limerick.

For Psycho, you want Tony Perkins;
For Chopin, select Rudolf Serkin.
But do not approach
As your next football coach
The problem from hell, D.J. Durkin.

Limerick.

John Martin. Sarkisian. Puliafito/Varma. Tyndall.
Takes a whole lot of naughtiness merely to kindle
A bit of Oh me!
From ol’ USC.
It’s less of a school than a swindle.

“GIULIANI’S ESTRANGED WIFE WRITING TELL-ALL BOOK”

From My Blockbuster Tell-All on Rudy

By his (soon to be ex) third wife Judy:

‘He’d straddle a picture of Trump
And take a spectacular dump.
Cuz working for him made him moody.’

*************

[I swear I wrote this before Diapergate.]

Limerick.

In Britain we want bad boy Boris
To wash his mouth out with Lavoris.
His latest mazurka,
“Hommage a la Burqa,”
Has given the whole country tsuris.

Limerick.

Adorable mech engineers!
They tend to be naughty, the dears…
They act like a luv
And get grants from the gov
But then all the funds disappear.

Limerick.

A hip student hangout at Duke
Plays music that makes us all puke.
You get niggas and bitches
And pistols and snitches
Along with your onions and cuke.

“The women’s accusations have put a dent in his projected image as a pious family man.”

Dent? … You mean like this? …

***************

The dons adore their dear Tartuffe;
Indignantly they ask for proof.
And when it comes, from lame and weak,
Against their godly pal Tariq,
Then watch each one of them go poof.

Simulacro

O dio! Something’s fahny
With my Modigliani.
Mio santo Amedeo –
They’re stripping off his halo
And I want back my mahny.

Limerick.

Just read through this update on FIFA
And I’m sure you will want to shout vifa!
Its governing body
Can be a bit naughty.
It’s the moral equiv. of a queef (ugh).

Balthusian Catastrophe

The effort to throw out the Balthus
Is warming the ghost of Sir Malthus:
“Our art’s overbreeding.
Too much painting needs feeding.
You empty the too-crowded salle thus.”

Daily Life in a Theocracy


Zion! Zion! Look away!
Do not let your eyes betray!
Would God that this Shekel
Bore on it a schmeckle
Than a Jew a shiksa led astray.

************

And if you have any doubts that Israelis live in close-to-theocratic conditions, with fatwas routinely issued by idiots who have state backing, review the history of Beit Shemesh’s WOMEN OUT! signs. A long, long saga of the pointlessness of Israel’s Supreme Court, it presents itself today as having been resolved

“The order to remove the signs with a police escort and a constant police presence will send a strong message that the rights of the women of Beit Shemesh are important,” said [one attorney]. “The ruling is a victory for the rule of law over the rule of lawlessness, a victory for the rights of women for respect and equality. We will continue to monitor and combat all instances of exclusion of women in Israel.”

— except that the police won’t show up, or after a little time they’ll give up, or their presence will generate riots after which the government will let them put up the signs again. Read a similar saga involving Women of the Wall.

None of it means UD gives up. She’s a fervent WOW supporter. But that Israel is currently basically a theocracy is hard to deny.

Limerick.

When it comes to the source of their moxie
The Sacklers know how to be foxy.
“They don’t know from Oxy.
They don’t know from Roxy.
And I’m an anonymous proxy.”

Puliafito Limericks…

… are a special challenge. But already one of UD‘s readers has produced a fine one. Inspired by that reader, UD tried one of her own. (Background to Carmen Puliafito here.)

****************

My Reader’s Limerick.

Dean Carmen A Puliafito
smoked meth and was not incognito
invented OCT
and took ecstasy
still gets to be an MD, though

*******************

My Limerick.

RIP to Dean A Puliafito:
Done in by his meth apetito.
Now sad little Carmen
Calls out to the barman:
“Just give me a wee mescalito.”

*********************

UPDATE: A third, from another reader. This one takes the route I thought I might take at first, until my other reader threw down the rhyme-on-Puliafito challenge. It chooses Carmen, and does a first-rate job with it.

A Third, From Another Reader.

USC med school dean Carmen
Was with big donors quite charmin’
But with a young hooker
He was a meth cooker
Which his trustees found most alarmin’

*********************

And a Fourth.

Dean Carmen was so freaking charmin’,
Nobody saw cause for alarmin’
Till the shit hit the fan
Despite his U’s press ban
And caused just a whole lot of harmin’.

*****************************

One More! From Greg, A Reader.

Puliafito, MD, as a dean,
Brought in money like you’ve never seen.
He said without sadness
“There’s a meth to my madness,
Sex and drugs really bring in the green.”

Limerick.

Each woman tried pleading her belly.
Each man said “No, no. Much too smelly.
There’s puke, crap, and fartin’
But nothin’s like Martin.
I can’t be a juror for Shkreli.”

Limerick.

These United States

Alabam’s our wild red yonder
Jeff Sessions makes its heart grow fonder
Inside its schools
The rightwing rules
In the person of Mr. Ponder

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