Limerick.

A hip student hangout at Duke
Plays music that makes us all puke.
You get niggas and bitches
And pistols and snitches
Along with your onions and cuke.

“The women’s accusations have put a dent in his projected image as a pious family man.”

Dent? … You mean like this? …

***************

The dons adore their dear Tartuffe;
Indignantly they ask for proof.
And when it comes, from lame and weak,
Against their godly pal Tariq,
Then watch each one of them go poof.

Limerick.

Just read through this update on FIFA
And I’m sure you will want to shout vifa!
Its governing body
Can be a bit naughty.
It’s the moral equiv. of a queef (ugh).

Balthusian Catastrophe

The effort to throw out the Balthus
Is warming the ghost of Sir Malthus:
“Our art’s overbreeding.
Too much painting needs feeding.
You empty the too-crowded salle thus.”

Daily Life in a Theocracy


Zion! Zion! Look away!
Do not let your eyes betray!
Would God that this Shekel
Bore on it a schmeckle
Than a Jew a shiksa led astray.

************

And if you have any doubts that Israelis live in close-to-theocratic conditions, with fatwas routinely issued by idiots who have state backing, review the history of Beit Shemesh’s WOMEN OUT! signs. A long, long saga of the pointlessness of Israel’s Supreme Court, it presents itself today as having been resolved

“The order to remove the signs with a police escort and a constant police presence will send a strong message that the rights of the women of Beit Shemesh are important,” said [one attorney]. “The ruling is a victory for the rule of law over the rule of lawlessness, a victory for the rights of women for respect and equality. We will continue to monitor and combat all instances of exclusion of women in Israel.”

— except that the police won’t show up, or after a little time they’ll give up, or their presence will generate riots after which the government will let them put up the signs again. Read a similar saga involving Women of the Wall.

None of it means UD gives up. She’s a fervent WOW supporter. But that Israel is currently basically a theocracy is hard to deny.

Limerick.

When it comes to the source of their moxie
The Sacklers know how to be foxy.
“They don’t know from Oxy.
They don’t know from Roxy.
And I’m an anonymous proxy.”

Puliafito Limericks…

… are a special challenge. But already one of UD‘s readers has produced a fine one. Inspired by that reader, UD tried one of her own. (Background to Carmen Puliafito here.)

****************

My Reader’s Limerick.

Dean Carmen A Puliafito
smoked meth and was not incognito
invented OCT
and took ecstasy
still gets to be an MD, though

*******************

My Limerick.

RIP to Dean A Puliafito:
Done in by his meth apetito.
Now sad little Carmen
Calls out to the barman:
“Just give me a wee mescalito.”

*********************

UPDATE: A third, from another reader. This one takes the route I thought I might take at first, until my other reader threw down the rhyme-on-Puliafito challenge. It chooses Carmen, and does a first-rate job with it.

A Third, From Another Reader.

USC med school dean Carmen
Was with big donors quite charmin’
But with a young hooker
He was a meth cooker
Which his trustees found most alarmin’

*********************

And a Fourth.

Dean Carmen was so freaking charmin’,
Nobody saw cause for alarmin’
Till the shit hit the fan
Despite his U’s press ban
And caused just a whole lot of harmin’.

*****************************

One More! From Greg, A Reader.

Puliafito, MD, as a dean,
Brought in money like you’ve never seen.
He said without sadness
“There’s a meth to my madness,
Sex and drugs really bring in the green.”

Limerick.

Each woman tried pleading her belly.
Each man said “No, no. Much too smelly.
There’s puke, crap, and fartin’
But nothin’s like Martin.
I can’t be a juror for Shkreli.”

Limerick.

These United States

Alabam’s our wild red yonder
Jeff Sessions makes its heart grow fonder
Inside its schools
The rightwing rules
In the person of Mr. Ponder

University of Colorado Defends its Football Team Against Scurrilous Allegations from Some Random Female.

Chick claimed that our blessed Joe Tumpkin
Was doing some violent humpkin.
This hysterical muff
Tried to mess up our Buffs!
We ignored the embarrassing lumpkin.

****************

UD thanks Keith for the update on this story.

Limerick


‘Tis curious how life instructs!
For instance, when it comes to ducts:
To get the test
That way seems best.
Yet when you get to it, it sucts.

FGM Limerick.

Egyptian Ilhami Agina
Wants ladies to have no vagina.
“And also no clit.
For it’s certain that it
Helps enormously with my stamína.”

Lower Orders Getting Restless

A lower caste being named Merkel
Dressed neither niqabal nor burqal.
Quick! Someone grab
At least a hijab!
The woman’s gone downright berserkal.

Limerick.

It’s gotten so nasty for Gorka
That he’s taken to wearing a borka.
Once a tough alpha male,
He now meekly sets sail
For a hideaway hole in Majorca.

Limerick.

At writing, Trump’s candidate, Gorsuch
Has certainly got quite a poor touch.
But to disqualify
I’m afraid this won’t fly.
There really has got to be more such.

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