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Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair

At a time when professors still routinely suffer the casual disdain conveyed by headlines like this one, about the last Japanese prime minister —

PM WHO NEVER LOST AIR OF BEFUDDLED PROFESSOR

Dubbed “The Alien” for his big, staring eyes and penchant for head-scratching philosophical rambling, Yukio Hatoyama was always an unusual choice of leader.

The offspring of a political and business dynasty, Mr Hatoyama built a solid academic career before following his grandfather, father and brother into politics. But he never quite lost the air of a slightly befuddled professor.

— it is rather stirring to have produced, from among our ranks, a professor who storms around town on his BMW motorcycle, stopping only to reveal his genitals to women.

This University of New Hampshire professor (UD thanks a reader for the tip.) (Scroll down to Edward Larkin.) has been convicted of indecent exposure while astride a crotch rocket:

This is a fellow who approached a mother and her teenaged daughter in a Milford supermarket parking lot with his genitals exposed. He was caught miles away, with his zipper still down.

Yet, as of last week, Professor of German Edward Larkin, 60, was still employed by the University of New Hampshire. He has been on paid administrative leave since his arrest a year ago. That pay continued despite his Nov. 3, 2009, conviction and it continued despite his decision this past March not to appeal.

“The University of New Hampshire has concluded its inquiry into Professor Ed Larkin’s conviction on misdemeanor charges,” said a UNH spokesman, “and has advised Professor Larkin of the consequences of that conviction on his employment with the university.”…

Hey! Rock out with your cock out and get a fully-paid year-long vacation! But only if you’re tenured.

Margaret Soltan, June 6, 2010 4:45PM
Posted in: professors

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12 Responses to “Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair”

  1. Dave Stone Says:

    Riding naked provokes great unease
    But I love how mine flaps in the breeze.
    I must take care with the weather
    And in zipping my leathers.
    A spill turns my nads to Swiss cheese.

  2. Dave Stone Says:

    Nothing comes between me and my Harley,
    So the dean’s now requested a parley.
    His complaint is aesthetic,
    For a problem genetic
    Leaves my unit all twisted and gnarly.

  3. Dave Stone Says:

    With butt cheeks slapped down on my pillion,
    A ride makes me feel like a million.
    I do not intend
    To shock or offend,
    Just to show off my new wax (Brazilian).

  4. Margaret Soltan Says:

    A remarkable series, Dave. I myself did not even attempt a limerick. This event seemed to me to transcend the form. You have proved otherwise.

  5. Richard Says:

    The tale of Maurice Bowra being spotted bathing naked in Oxford springs to mind. He was asked why he had covered his face rather than his genitals, and retorted that he, at least, was more readily and widely recognised by the former than by the latter. Some of Bowra’s quips suffer in print, but that one, for me, has the wit still in it.

  6. theprofessor Says:

    Although I won’t need it for another 10-15 years, I am compiling a list of outrageous stuff that will result in a long paid leave and possible buy-out immediately before retirement. Since Pres. Backslapper stole every meaningful benefit for retirees except the free parking permit, there is not any reward for emeritus status anyway. I think that I will avoid the public exposure thing, though.

  7. Dave Stone Says:

    To me, this had the perfect elements for a good limerick for University Diaries: ridiculousness, academics behaving badly, and no innocent bystanders getting seriously hurt (though I’m guessing the mother and daughter found the exposure experience unpleasant).

    Hard as it may be for your Constant Readers to believe, I do actually restrain myself, mostly on grounds of not wanting to make jokes about the suffering of third parties. Self-imposed suffering of idiots and crooks? I’m on it like UD on conflict-of-interest.

  8. theotherprofessor Says:

    just to the pay issue for a moment: Why do colleges and universities pay off these, er, sorts of people? I’ve seen it enough to conclude that they think they’re saving money by not being brought to court, but the PR cost of being seen as a genial host to such characters is incalculable. Why do we retain lawyers if we don’t want to really fight once in a while?

  9. Margaret Soltan Says:

    And, in this case, on what basis could the guy sue anyway?

  10. theotherprofessor Says:

    right — or, rather, he and other clowns might sue on all sorts of grounds: off their meds, workplace stress, sudden pesticide-induced electrolyte imbalance, etc. — but if we cannot distinguish between lawsuits with merit and those without, why bother having lawyers? In continuing to pay such losers their salaries, rather than standing up against their outrageous behavior, colleges make all of us with tenure complicit.

  11. Michael Tinkler Says:

    In continuing to pay such losers their salaries, rather than standing up against their outrageous behavior, colleges make all of us with tenure complicit.

    I agree. What are the lawyers FOR?

  12. theprofessor Says:

    Universities, more than just about about any modern institution, HATE bad news and negative publicity. They will do just about anything to make a bad vibe go away and that means negotiating long after even the most PR-sensitive corporation would have gone to trial. At an earlier stage in my career, I had some peripheral involvement in an outrageous case of faculty misconduct. We are not talking about one incident, but a whole series of incidents that stretched over a decade or more, and the last one far enough over the top that the individual should have been fired immediately–everyone acknowledged that. Instead, four months of negotiations ended with the individual being allowed to teach for another year and then given retirement and a tidy bundle of cash. Keep in mind this individual did not have a legal toothpick to stand on, let alone a legal leg. So great was the fear of bad publicity that they essentially starved a department of a position in order to pay this person off.

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