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… will be named on November 29. While we wait, here’s one of this year’s judges on the sort of thing they’re looking for.

[Christos] Tsiolkas’s Booker-longlisted novel, The Slap, was cited for a passage in which two characters “fucked for ages” …

“It’s very repetitive,” he said, “the sheer laziness of saying ‘they fucked for ages’ is just one example of slack writing.”

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8 Responses to “This year’s winner of the Bad Sex in Fiction Award…”

  1. Dave Stone Says:

    “‘They f*cked for ages’ is such a cliche,”
    The critic intoned with dismay.
    “But your ‘f*cking for wages’
    Or ‘f*cking all ages’ . . .
    Now that’s writing with real cachet.”

  2. Margaret Soltan Says:

    Effing brilliant, Dave.

  3. adam Says:

    They f*cked for ages, ‘twas said,
    Until they collapsed on the bed.
    Then panting and gasping
    And groping and grasping
    They gazed on each other and said…

    Halloo and halloo and halloo!
    Have you shown me all you can do?
    Or should I go seeking
    For someone who’s peaking
    Just when I think that I’m through?

  4. Margaret Soltan Says:

    Major Laugh Out Loud, adam. This one has the feel of an ancient ditty, a round, a song that never ends. Thanks.

  5. Dave Stone Says:

    Adam’s contribution reminded me of an old joke, from which I shamelessly steal the Thor / sore rhyme:

    Mighty Mars could f*ck four ages we’re told,
    Great Zeus managed just ages twofold.
    The thunder god Thor
    Made the wenches quite sore,
    But his stamina was much oversold.

  6. Margaret Soltan Says:

    LOL, Dave. My mind is reeling with limerick ideas…

  7. Jeremy Bangs Says:

    Rocks for ages,
    Cleft for me,
    Let me hide myself in thee

  8. Margaret Soltan Says:

    A lovely prayer, Jeremy.

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