A Tennessee boy with a butt
Has thus far refused to say what
Substance or dose
He somehow osmosed
Has so oddly distended his gut.

**********************

Update: Dave, a reader, writes a limerick in response to the student’s explanation that he can’t have buttchugged because God doesn’t want him to desecrate his body. That way. Putting enough alcohol in it to kill it – however it went up or down – is another matter.

God says you can’t drink with your butt
And it’s not ours to ask “why?” or “what?”
It’s like non-cloven hooves,
Or getting tattoos,
Or leaving your penis uncut.

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9 Responses to “Limerick, Buttchugging”

  1. Dave Stone Says:

    I’m glad I clicked through–otherwise I’d never have learned that God prohibits butt-chugging but not blackout binges. I feel the muse taking over . . .

    God says you can’t drink with your butt
    And it’s not ours to ask “why?” or “what?”
    It’s like non-cloven hooves,
    Or getting tattoos,
    Or leaving your penis uncut.

  2. Dave Stone Says:

    Once again, UD fans MUST click through to the original story:

    The dean, police, and DA are mad
    That we partook in this butt-drinking fad,
    But we cherish each rectum
    And try hard to protect ‘em.
    The contusion’s a wedgie gone bad.

  3. Dave Stone Says:

    To butt-chug, first stock up on towels
    For the drinker quite often befouls
    All standing around
    And a large patch of ground
    When the vodka comes in through the bowels.

  4. Dave Stone Says:

    This one’s a little forced, but YOU try coming up with a decent rhyme for “sodomy.”

    I find rye whiskey bottles in front of me
    Slightly better than frontal lobotomy
    But drinking’s passé–
    I’m not wizened and gray–
    For nothing beats ethanol sodomy.

  5. Margaret Soltan Says:

    You’re on a tear (ouch) Dave – I’ll bring the first one forward in the post, since I too wondered about that part of the student’s explanation: He can’t have buttchugged because he’s a Christian and God doesn’t want him to desecrate his body. That way.

  6. Dave Stone Says:

    We must never fear whiskey on beer.
    And beer on whiskey is risky, I fear.
    But if bourbon and stout
    Come in the door “out”
    Proper order is then much less clear.

  7. janet gool Says:

    Our mutual friend would have enjoyed the limericks – he was quite a fan of the genre.

  8. Margaret Soltan Says:

    janet: His would have been MUCH dirtier.

  9. Lisa Beth Durham Says:

    His limericks would have indeed been more lubricious, but I miss them, just as I miss him.

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