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Most scandal-befouled sports factories – North Carolina, Penn State – are embarrassed by how far they’ve let themselves go. They seem to retain a sense of what they once were, or could have been, before they assumed the Lewinsky position vis-à-vis their sports programs.

But UD will give this to Auburn University: It is what it is — the sports and leisure sewer of the American collegiate landscape — and it’s proud of it. No hiding its head in shame for Auburn after its countless athletic scandals; it has a belligerent insistence on total squalor, total contempt for the concept “university,” that one can’t help but admire.

Now it’s building an amusement park for everyone there, featuring

a 50-foot rock climbing wall with an auto-belaying system, four bordering caves for lateral climbing, a a 20-foot wet rock climbing wall in the 20,000 gallon leisure activity pool, a 45-person hot tub in the shape of a tiger paw and a third of a mile indoor track with a corkscrew formation and 10 feet of altitude.

Tiger paw because that’s the mascot, dummy. Here’s a photograph of forty-five people or so (doing something they’d never be caught dead doing at Auburn), in case you want to start picturing the hot tub.

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UD thanks a reader from Auburn.

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4 Responses to “UD’s gotta hand it to Auburn.”

  1. superdestroyer Says:

    According to Collegeresults.org Auburn has an 80% acceptance rate and a four year graduation rate of 35%. Maybe if students spent more time pursuing academics and less time cheering on criminal athletes or hanging out in paw shaped hot tubs, then their graduation rate would be higher.

  2. Margaret Soltan Says:

    superdestroyer: Thanks for those statistics.

  3. Crimson05er Says:

    The whole thing is funnier if you imagine the forty-five or so molecular biologists from your Czech photo, still wearing their parkas, standing in the paw-shaped Auburn hot tub with the same expressions.

  4. Margaret Soltan Says:

    Crimson05er: LOL.

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