And, Christopher Hitchens might had added, you don’t even have to go that far. Dave Bliss, notorious head basketball coach at notorious Baylor University, has been hired by yet another Christian school.

He broke rule after rule at the college level, even dragging the reputation of a murdered player through the mud, but none of that seems to matter … What are the students at Calvary Chapel Christian School supposed to think about all this? You can break every rule in the book and become synonymous with disgrace in coaching, but as long as you say you love Jesus, none of it matters?

No. They’re supposed to think that you have to say you love Jesus PLUS be a great basketball coach and none of it matters.

UD anticipates that with each new Bliss scandal and firing he’ll be hired by a Christian school with a longer name. He’s up to three adjectives at the moment – Calvary Chapel Christian – but UD has noticed that the scummier the diploma mill (these places exist to provide fake high school graduation records for athletes so they can be admitted to jockshops like Baylor), the longer and more feverishly pious its name.

So Bliss’s next stop will be Consecrated Calvary Chapel Christian School. Then Celestial Consecrated Calvary Chapel Christian School. Then Chosen Celestial Consecrated Cavalry Christian School. Then Charismatic Chosen Celestial Consecrated Cavalry Christian School. Then Chaste Charismatic Chosen Celestial Consecrated Cavalry Christian School. Then Canaan Chaste Charismatic Chosen Celestial Consecrated Cavalry Christian School.

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7 Responses to ““You can get away with the most extraordinary offenses to morality and to truth in this country if you’ll just get yourself called Reverend.””

  1. adam Says:

    UD, your horses and your crosses got a bit jumbled towards the end there – easy to do, I guess in the heat of the alliterative moment. For the next in the series I offer Crusading Chaste Charismatic Chosen Celestial Consecrated Calvary Christian School.

  2. Margaret Soltan Says:

    adam: Crusading. Crusading is great. I didn’t think of that.

  3. adam Says:

    It fits with your cavalry turn of phrase 🙂

  4. theprofessor Says:

    UD, as a literature professor, surely you appreciate that just as characters like Odysseus gain power and charisma by traveling–the further and the more exotic the place is, the better–in certain Christian circles, people gain power by sinning and repenting and witnessing.

  5. Margaret Soltan Says:

    tp: Absolutely. I don’t expect any Christians to impede this pilgrim’s progress.

  6. dcat Says:

    The saddest part is yet to come — the pending redemption narrative. Just watch — he’ll win some Christian Conference/State title, we’ll hear about what a molder of young men into servants of Christ he is, and at some point some DI school with Christian proclivities will come calling. he may never get back to the highest ranks of DI, certainly at the secular level, but don’t you believe for one second that Liberty or some other Christian Chop Shop won’t come calling. And so it is written.

  7. Margaret Soltan Says:

    dcat: Yup.

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