Return with me now to those glory days at one of this country’s establishments of higher learning, when Rick got down on his knees and begged Sebastian Telfair to gain his education at the University of Louisville. Telfair said yes! I will pursue my scholar/athlete career at your fine school, playing basketball, living in a university-provided brothel, and giving a big ol’ fuck you up the ass to my fake classes, all on the taxpayers’ dime — and the people of Kentucky could not have been more grateful and excited. To make matters even more wonderful, sports-mad James Ramsey, who would go on to become the nation’s highest paid public university leader by the simple expedient of stealing everything at UL that wasn’t nailed down, had just been appointed UL president!

Truly the stars were aligned at this fine school which some have taken, cruelly, to calling the U of Smell.

And now… Ladies and gentlemen of the jury! as Humbert would say: Look at this tangle of thorns.

Rick had to be gotten rid of because of sex, recruiting, financial and anything else you’d like to add scandals. Reduced to coaching Greek basketball, where the chain smoking, flame throwing fascists in the stands turn every game into a terrifying slaughter (holy shitkos), he is currently suing UL for forty million dollars haha nahnah got you you’ll pay up the ass for being mean to me while I was building a winning team even though we had to vacate all our wins cuz they was SO SO SO dirty. I’ll get you back, UL.

President Ramsay was forced to resign in disgrace for the aforementioned larceny plus overseeing the most pornographic sports program in the United States. UL’s suing him to try to get a few tens of millions back (it’s all been plowed into multifarious mcmansions up and down the Florida coast), and the latest on that is that during his reign Ramsay apparently told the then-chair of the board of trustees that a fellow trustee had bankrolled the brothel for the boys!! I do declare (fanning my lace stays with my perfumed hankie), it takes a whole lot for UL to do anything that would generate italics, bolding, and double exclamation marks, but this school constantly exceeds expectations.

… Uh, where we were? Oh, the hotly recruited Telfair... He was last seen ranting like a madman in court, where he was sentenced to prison for carrying spectacular weaponry (‘three loaded handguns, a submachine gun, ammunition, extended magazines and a ballistic vest’) in his car.

… now coaching Greece’s Panathinkaikos basketball team, finds his level.

Panathinkaikos owner Dimitrios Giannakopoulos is known for his temper, and was once fined $150,000 in 2015 for threatening to kill officials and their families following a EuroLeague win over CSKA Moscow.  

When a liar writes a tell-all, what gets told?

When a salesman writes a memoir, what gets sold?

Dirty university, dirty coach:

A story that never gets old.

Pitino rapped.

Baby, baby, baby don’t sue me
Ooh, please don’t sue me for forty mill
I’ve got this red-faced shame-faced flustered feelin’ inside me
Ooh, deep inside me and it hurts so bad

Baby, baby, where did our love go?
Ooh, don’t you sue me
Don’t you sue me no more (baby, baby)
Ooh, baby

Evil whoring assistant coach!
Evil whoring corporate roach!

Little boy innocent! Little boy blue!
Rick has no choice but to sue sue sue sue.

Indeed, we knew that was coming.

What you might not have known is the other big news:

Rick Pitino has just been named Academic Provost at the University of North Carolina!

It was while reading his letter of termination, signed by the latest vague desperate interim nowhere man running the University of Louisville yet deeper into the ground. As she read the guy’s list of Rick’s evil evil deeds, which must be listed in this letter in order for the school to fire him with cause and get a forty-four million dollar discount on the transaction, the following exchange from Albee’s Who’s Afraid of Virgina Woolf? began running through my head:

George: You can sit there in that chair of yours, you can sit there with the gin running out of your mouth, and you can humiliate me, you can tear me apart … ALL NIGHT… and that’s perfectly all right … that’s OK…

Martha: YOU CAN STAND IT!

George: I CANNOT STAND IT!

Martha: YOU CAN STAND IT!! YOU MARRIED ME FOR IT!!

George: (Quietly.). That is a desperately sick lie.

Martha here is ol’ Rick, hotly sought after by UL and paid seven million dollars a year because no one cheats their way to a championship like Rick; because Rick’s a winner who sees what he wants in a restaurant and fucks it right there on the table; he’s a guy whose recruitment coaches run whorehouses in basketball dormitories, and whose program pays the biggest bribes to high school players, and… Louisville married him for it!. It wanted a world of gin-pissed vulgarians and pin-striped dress for success hypocrites to keep the ball rolling, and it correctly identified and highly rewarded Pitino as THE man to provide it.

But now! Now, just because of a teeny DOJ and FBI crackdown, it’s suddenly ooh what a nasty unethical person you are! We cannot stand you!

**************

I’m afraid Rick is well within his rights, just as Martha is, to point out that these qualities and behaviors are exactly why UL fell so expensively in love with him in the first place. UL loved him so much that they let him sweep up most of the money available at the University of Louisville. It is impossible to find words to describe how much UL loved Rick Pitino, but it is quite possible to look at the immense money, power, and adoration they gladly gave him all those years. Because he won championships, and that’s all UL cares about and ever will care about because it’s Kentucky and it’s UL and that’s that. The next strutting multimillionaire fuckhead they bring on board to win championships will do exactly the same things to win them. Rick knows this, and has a right to feel aggrieved.

The Pitino dynasty is at it again.

******************

A father and son named Pitino
Ran two basketball teams molto fino
A whorehouse, sex tapes
And assorted odd scrapes —
It’s a screenplay by Q. Tarantino

*****************

UD thanks John.

Absent proof of “willful misconduct” by Pitino, forcing him out could leave U of L on the hook for the balance of a contract that runs through the 2025-26 season at a cost of roughly $50 million…

Having accumulated enough wealth to market two Florida homes for a combined asking price exceeding $30 million, [Pitino] can probably afford to negotiate an exit package without hardball haggling…

He writes:

“Football makes a profit,” some claim. To that I would say, so what? Universities could make a profit running a casino too – should they do that?

*********************

Let’s change this to:

“Football makes a profit,” some claim. To that I would say, so what? Universities could make a profit running a brothel too – should they do that?

That whore’s profit-seeking screed, that pack of lies about Pitino’s University of Louisville basketball program and its recruitment parties – now some recruit has gone and confirmed most of it!

JaQuan Lyle visited the University of Louisville as a basketball recruit in 2013.

This week he sat down with NCAA investigators to talk about that trip.

CBS sports reports that Lyle confirmed the gist of allegations made in, “Breaking Cardinal Rules” that escorts provided him with sex and alcohol.

“You have to ask yourself, why would he lie about that? If he tells the truth, he’s not going to get in trouble, even if he took all sorts of benefits while he was there. It’s how the NCAA works. If he lied, and they can prove he lied, he won’t be able to play at Ohio State,” [a sports analyst] said.

In a hastily-called news conference, Coach Pitino said: “Well, what do you want? That’s what they pay me for.”

**********************

No, no. UD made up that last line.

From the New York Times:

Washington Monthly has recently released its new college ranking. It’s based on several factors, one of which is a comparison between a college’s graduation rate and the makeup of its student body.

… Toward the bottom of the ranking, the University of Louisville has an expected graduation rate of 59 percent and an actual rate of 44 percent.

Read this. How are you doing? Do you have your Petrino and Pitino under control? Have you been able to add Ecarma and keep the balls in the air, or are there too many slimy coaches at UL for you to get a grip on? Do you understand why some of the slime has been bought out while some is fired with cause, generating zillion dollar lawsuits against the university?

But, er, what about the lawsuit UL has filed against its last president, UD?

Gevalt! One thing – three things – at a time.

The air inside the arena was thick with smoke from cigarettes and flares, and the stands were packed with frothing fans. Almost none of them were women. There were even fewer children. In the front row, one man wearing white-and-green face paint shook a giant inflatable penis at the Olympiacos bench. Not far from him, another man, also in face paint, was shirtless and played a bongo he’d somehow smuggled into the arena. Basket teams in Greece have firms, just like European soccer clubs. Each part of the main fan area was divided into subsections with signs for identification: Victoria, Skyros, the Hooligans, Gate 13, Kavala, and, the hardest to miss, West Block, which unfurled a giant banner from the upper deck with a menacing gas mask emblem. When the Olympiacos players came out for warm-ups, the fans made the Greek fuck-you gesture and chanted in unison. I asked [my Greek companion] what they were saying, and he smiled: “Olympiacos, motherfuckers.”

Coach of Panathinaikos, the rival team? The University of Louisville’s most famous, most celebrated, most highly compensated (but not compensated enough: he’s currently suing the school for forty million dollars) personality: Rick Pitino. Read the whole article and you’ll see that Rick has finally found his level.

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And on the domestic front…

YEEHAW!!!! RIDE EM COWBOY!!!!

Report: Southern Miss Coach Who Wanted To Hire Art Briles Also Tried To Add A Player Accused Of Two Knifepoint Rapes