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Friday, December 10, 2004
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... AND SPEAKING OF BARNEY [see UD post below, dated 12/8/04]...
... it looks as though college football has found a way to compensate players for their lack of a college diploma: "THERE'S A TROPHY FOR EVERYONE IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL Mike Bianchi December 10, 2004 Mike Nugent waited a lifetime for this. "I've always wanted to win the Lou 'The Toe' Groza Award," the Ohio State kicker said Thursday night. "This has been my goal since the sixth grade." "This is my Heisman." Now, even kickers can dream. And punters. And centers. And every other position in college football. On Thursday night at Disney's World Resort, they handed out the Chuck Bednarik Trophy (best defensive player), Outland Trophy (best interior lineman), Doak Walker Award (best running back), Biletnikoff Award (best wide receiver), Jim Thorpe Award (best defensive back) Lou Groza Award (best kicker) Ray Guy Award (best punter), Disney Spirit Award (most inspirational player) and Brooks and Dunn Award (best vocal duo). And that was just Thursday night. The Butkus Award (best linebacker) will be handed out today. And let's not forget the John Mackey Award (best tight end), the Ted Hendricks Award (best defensive end) and, of course, the Dave Rimington Award (best center). Don't you just love college football -- the only sport in the world with 28 postseason bowl games and 537 postseason awards? Hey, if you can get a corporate sponsor and sublease an aging legend to put his name on a trophy, you, too, can sponsor a college football award. The trophy glut has become so ridiculous that there are now more awards than positions. There are two awards for best defensive player (Chuck Bednarik and Bronko Nagurski), two for best quarterback (Davey O'Brien and Johnny Unitas) and three more for most outstanding player (Heisman, Maxwell and Walter Camp). Why stop there? Why not the Willie Williams Award for most valuable felon? Or the Jeff Bowden Nepotism Award for the assistant coach who achieved the most through familial favoritism? Or the Ron Zook Public Speaking Award for the coach who can talk for five minutes without actually taking a breath. It should be noted that Disney also hosted the Pop Warner Super Bowl this week, which seems apropos. In youth sports, everybody wins an award -- and now the same can be said of college football. They called it the "Home Depot College Football Awards Show" Thursday night, but it might as well have been the West Winter Garden Little League baseball banquet. The only thing missing was a Hustle Award for Little Johnny Wannamaker, the kid with the best attitude. College football has become like country music with 17 different organizations handing out awards. The only difference is we don't get to hear Kirk Herbstreit ask Lee Ann Womack, "After being disrespected by Martina McBride, how special is it to win the Tammy Wynette Trophy?" At one point last night, Herbstreit asked Michigan's Braylon Edwards, the winner of the Biletnikoff Award, "Do you think we can call you the best receiver in Michigan history?" Replied a confident Edwards: "Yes, I think you can." Not to be outdone, I asked Daniel Sepulveda, the winner of the Ray Guy Award, if we could call him the best punter in Baylor history. "I don't know about that," Sepulveda said. "We have a lot of punting tradition at Baylor, including the Atteberry Brothers -- Kyle and Ty." Most of us have heard of the Flying Wallendas, but now we're expected to know the Kicking Atteberrys, too? Oh, well. Maybe we shouldn't make too much fun of this never-ending cavalcade of accolades. In fact, I hope this column might even win an award from the Associated Press Sports Editors. Or the Florida Sports Writers Association. Or the Florida Society of Newspaper Editors. This is my Heisman." |