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Tuesday, September 25, 2007
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Scathing Online Schoolmarm Background here. Editorial 'Beer Not A Civil Right Tuesday, September 25, 2007 Our reaction to Thursday night’s rally, for which over 100 students strode into Red Square to bravely raise up their voices against the terrible iniquity of stricter alcohol policies, can be summed up in three words: Only at Georgetown. [Pretty good opening. Laying it on a bit thick, though -- drop either bravely or terrible, for instance.... Actually, let's try dropping them both and see how things go: ...to raise up their voices against the iniquity of stricter alcohol policies... Yes - that's snappier, and the sarcasm remains intact. And you avoid the split infinitive. Only at Georgetown's great.] Only at Georgetown, where an abnormally high thirst for political activism complements a robust college social environment, could such an event occur. There is no other school with the personalities, or the pomposity, or the sheer gall to pull off a spectacle as extravagantly preposterous as the one that took place in Red Square on Thursday. [Again, fine, but note that tightening up a bit on the adverbs and adjectives will make it even better. Only at Georgetown, where a high thirst for political activism complements a robust social environment, could such an event occur. No other school has the personalities (There is, with its prominent to be verb, is a dull way to start the sentence.), the pomposity, and the gall to pull off a spectacle as preposterous as the one that took place in Red Square on Thursday.] We have on several occasions condemned the new alcohol policies enforced this year by the university and the Metropolitan Police Department as a misguided, unfair and exaggerated response to a problem that has never truly been pervasive on our campus. [On several occasions is a bit pompous, and you've just complained about pomposity. Drop "new," since "enforced this year" does the trick there. Drop "that has... been" and just write a problem never truly pervasive...] But there are right and wrong ways to oppose those policies. Last fall, during consideration of a proposed keg ban in campus housing [Drop proposed.], student leaders actively lobbied the university and held a forum for students [Say campus leaders to avoid the repetition of student.] to present their concerns to administrators. Their efforts clearly paid off; the university ultimately chose not to implement a ban. [Loading up a bit on adverbs -- actively, clearly, ultimately. Drop some of this.] And most of the tactics by which students have opposed the new policies this year have also been reasonable — more than 2,000 students signed a petition against the new policies that was sent to university administrators. As the movement against the new policies grows more and more hysterical, however, it will grow harder for anyone on campus to take it seriously. [Let this sentence stand alone; it makes the introduction of wonderful detail in the next section come out more strongly.] At the rally, organizers demanded that administrators meet their demands of [Say organizers insisted, to avoid repetition of demand.]— we’re not making these up — “amnesty” for all Category A violations related to the new policies this year, and for age-neutral party registration, a condition that would require Georgetown to blatantly disregard local alcohol laws. [Drop blatantly.] Some students want to boycott this year’s senior gift. And a recent thread on the protest group’s Facebook page seriously discusses the possibility of a sit-in. What’s next? A hunger strike? Or better yet, maybe a “sober strike!” [Exclamation mark cutesy. Drop it.] We won’t drink until we can do it on our terms! [Exclamation mark here okay.. How about rewriting the sentence like this: Or better yet, a sober strike: "We won't drink until we can do it on our terms!"] (See how many kids sign up for that.) Or maybe — just maybe — there are better ways to use Red Square. A considerably smaller group of students met there earlier on Thursday. They were protesting what they considered racial injustice in the prosecution of six black students in Jena, La. In 2005, students and faculty gathered there, lit candles and prayed for the victims of Hurricane Katrina, one of the deadliest natural disasters in American history. [Drop final clause in this sentence. Just end on Katrina.] STAND used to hold rallies in Red Square, but they’ve been struggling lately to maintain student interest. [Drop lately.] They’re a Georgetown-founded group trying to bring an end to genocide in Darfur. Mom and Dad held rallies, protests and sit-ins of their own. Theirs were to advocate civil rights and to oppose a war in Vietnam. If the only thing that can unify Georgetown students outside of basketball season is the desire for a more convenient game of beer pong, well then, that’s so depressing that we may decide to just quit drinking altogether. [Nice, amusing, final line. UD'd do it like this, though: Ours advocate a more convenient game of beer pong. How depressing. We might just swear off drinking altogether.]' ---the hoya, georgetown university student newspaper--- Labels: SOS |