Even Jim Jordan considers Jim Jordan too disgusting to be speaker.

… problem.

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[R]arely are [politicians] as instantly and unambiguously repellent as the odious Jordan. He’s so unlikable that even ideologically radical Republicans like Rep. Ken Buck (R-CO) who have no meaningful policy beefs with him are lining up to torpedo his bid. [SOS SOS: Beef and torpedo? Really?] He would be, in every possible way, a gift for Democrats to run against next year, not just because of his sordid antics but also because of the insanely unpopular policies he backs, like a national abortion ban.

Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH) quietly scrubbed a tweet he posted Tuesday that branded the story of a 10-year-old rape victim who had to travel out of Ohio for an abortion a “lie.” After the alleged perpetrator was arrested Tuesday and appeared in court Wednesday, Jordan deleted the tweet but offered no apology or acknowledgement.

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But that’s nothing. I’ve already moved on to what we might be able to find out about this insurrectionist’s actions before, during, and after January 6. Let’s see what the next Jan. 6 committee hearing has to say about the country’s most fervent Trumpist.

Rep. Jim Jordan’s announcement that he is refusing to talk to the January 6th committee has sparked celebrations across the nation, as Americans express hope that the congressman’s abstention from talking becomes a sustainable trend.

The guy’s a crooked old wrestling coach. (Scroll down.) UD‘s hope is that from now on he expresses himself, as our mothers always taught us, with fists, not words.

Football coach Bill Belichick doesn’t want anything from the bloody hands of Mr Fuckface, so Ff can take his Medal of Freedom and … find someone base enough to accept it.

UD suggests finding the guy who smashed that fire extinguisher over the head of the policeman in the Capitol the other day and killed him with it. That guy would probably be willing to accept a medal from Ff.

All sorts of direct witnesses apparently told then-assistant OSU wrestling coach Jordan that the team doctor was raping student wrestlers. Yeah, we know; it is what it is, he is reported to have said to the complainants. If you can shrug at a doctor masturbating in front of one of your referees in the locker room shower, you can shrug at anything.

Maybe he can get the Ohio State wrestlers who are ready to testify that while a coach there Rep. Jordan did nothing in response to their telling him about their being sexually abused over a long period of time by the team doctor … maybe he can get them to reverse their position and say haha just kidding…!

… left side high crotch.

Shades of James Tracy, Mike Leach, and other campus conspiracists.

Rather than simply acknowledging the Sandusky/Nyang’oro Principle at our most sports-obsessed schools – university administrators can’t and won’t control anything having to do with big-ticket athletics – Jim Jordan and his fellow conspiracists deny the fucking obvious and the obvious fucking at one more degenerate American university sports program.

Called to account for what happened at Ohio State, they reach way, way outside the orbit of anyone’s moral responsibility.

Indeed the Deadspin writer I quote in my headline is right: Eventually Jordan and Louie Gohmert and company will determine that like the “dead” “kids” of Sandy Hook and Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, their accusers from the wrestling team are all crisis actors.

It crosses the river Jordan.

He wages partisan wars against Democrats. That’s it. He does not try to meaningfully improve the lives of the members of his district. He does not sponsor legislation that would affect people’s day-to-day lives, even from a conservative point of view. He serves on committees, harangues the witnesses before them, and goes on Fox News afterward to tout his own actions… He beat the drum for Trump’s lies about a stolen election after Biden was declared the winner in November 2020 and sought to weaponize the House to spread those claims ahead of the electoral vote count on January 6, 2021. After a pro-Trump mob stormed the Capitol, Jordan voted to carry through their ultimate goal and overturn an election for Trump’s benefit… If Jordan prevails on Tuesday, it will feel like the natural progression of the House GOP’s approach to Congress over the past 30 years. Starting with Newt Gingrich in 1994 and continuing to the present day, Republicans have done everything they can to transform the House of Representatives from a functioning legislative chamber into a vehicle for performative lawmaking and partisan stunts. Jim Jordan’s career, as it were, is a testament to how thoroughly that impulse has overwhelmed everything else. To elect him as speaker is to simply give up on basic governance.

[A]ny other trial outcome would have emboldened the nation’s militia movement and congressional firebrands like Reps. Marjorie Taylor Green and Jim Jordan. To date, Jordan’s attempts as House Judiciary Committee chair to attack prosecutors and the FBI have flopped. Had the Proud Boys been acquitted, however, those previous political stunts would have looked like warmup acts for future theatrics alleging the Justice Department was prosecuting innocent Americans.

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How cool for Green and Jordan to be mentioned in the same sentence with the militia movement!

And don’t forget the capo di tutti capi!

With these latest foot soldiers’ convictions, the baton now passes to special counsel Jack Smith and to Fulton County, Georgia, District Attorney Fani Willis to complete the task by bringing accountability to the very top. 

House Republicans expressed alarm after an increasingly unhinged Rep. Jim Jordan subpoenaed himself to testify before Congress.

In a blistering statement, the House Judiciary Committee chairman demanded that he comply with his subpoena and called himself a “toadying Soros-backed flunky.”

“The message to Jim Jordan is clear: you can run, but you can’t hide,” Jordan said.

The Ohio congressman warned that, if he refused to testify, he would have “no other choice” but to call for himself to be jailed.

But this one’s like why hasn’t a mass shooting already happened forty times in that lounge. I mean, maybe it has, but locals are still pretending to be shocked at the mass shooting at another hookah bar down south.

As you know if you read this blog, there’s nothing more banal of late than mass shootings inside hookah bars in southern cities. And this one happened in Baton Rouge, and man I mean ROUGE like flowing all red in the streets!

Apparently there’s a grassroots movement down there to change the city’s name to SANG ROUGE. Better fit.

 Louisiana’s capital city [has made] it big in the world of crime and murder. Baton Rouge has outdone the rest of the state, which is [itself] 40 percent more violent than the nation as a whole. New Orleans is more popular, so Baton Rouge seized the opportunity to top the violent crime list. Baton Rouge isn’t a very large city, but it manages to attract attention by having 49 murders annually. If you have a death wish, it’s a great destination.

A few details here. Some locals – a few – feel kinda bad about the “lack of effort by the state government to address gun violence,” but baby baby baby that’s cuz they love their guns and they love it when they get a chance to shoot ’em off! Hookah bars concentrate large numbers of incapacitated victims in easily accessible, charismatic, locations, and, you know, take any random Saturday night and conditions are RIPE.

Given that everyone knows shooting’s gonna happen – note that Dior’s advertising stresses the word “safely” — wonder why – why does it… well… keep happening?

Look more closely at what Dior offers: Incredibly cheap booze. A dark chaotic place to whip out your guns and get some real killing off before someone notices. Rooms packed with idjits from LSU, one of America’s most violent and stupid locations.

Bloodbath keeps happening because Bloodbath is the state sport of Louisiana, and everything the state does — from basically zero gun restrictions to the proliferation of hookah bars – promotes the sport.

Shut down the bars? Are you fucking nuts? Death’s a way of life down there. UD‘s had enough of inauthentic local pols getting all ‘senseless… tragic.…’ … I mean, being all negative about it. Millions of Americans adore violence and go out of their way to legalize, mainstream, and personally experience it. Bloody, almost dead, and dead people scattered everywhere is Sang Rouge’s effing calling card, it’s their Graceland, their Machu Picchu, their one reliable tourist destination. Find a violent psycho like Jim Jordan to run the city – someone who revels in blood – and GO TO IT.

Remember White Noise, the most important American novel of the last fifty years:

“Look past the violence. There is a wonderful brimming spirit of innocence and fun.”

Throughout the hearings, the promised rapid response from Republicans has been lacking. At one point, Representative Elise Stefanik, the No. 3 Republican in the House, was expected to oversee the effort to discredit the committee’s findings, coordinating with Representative Kevin McCarthy of California, the minority leader, and Representative Jim Jordan of Ohio, the top Republican on the Judiciary Committee. But there has been little real-time pushback throughout the high-profile hearings…

As I peruse my inbox for any rapid response to this final session, I have just a Happy Hanukkah message from Rudy Giuliani…

The arguing began soon after Ms. Powell and her two companions were let into the White House by a junior aide and wandered to the Oval Office without an appointment.

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This morning, everyone wants to know: Who was the junior aide? And how is it that this person let in the crazies?

To answer these questions, we need to set the scene.

It was late at night in a desolate White House, with the president alone and anguishing in the Oval Office. Bitterness, humiliation, and rage so overwhelmed him that he could not sleep, and, as he glanced through his door, open to the hallway, the only person also still awake was Andrew Giuliani, who stood a few feet away practicing his golf swing.

As a favor to his old friend, Trump had given a sinecure, in these last days, to Rudy’s perennially unemployed son. “It doesn’t have to be much,” Rudy had said; “Just something where he can hang around and say he works in the White House.”

But Andrew took his role seriously, shadowing the president day and night in the hope that at some point or other he might be of use …

Suddenly, just as everything in the White House seemed impossibly silent and empty, three dark figures approached from the end of the hallway! Andrew G. cowered, assuming they were Jim Jordan, Paul Gosar, and Louie Gohmert, who always carried AR-15s, until he discerned the shape of a woman among them. And then… “Hey, DAD!!”

“Son, let us in. It’s urgent. A matter of life or death of the republic.”

“No can do,” Andrew answered, laying aside his club. “You don’t have an appointment or anything and I don’t know who these people are with you.”

“Sidney is about to be appointed Counsel for Voting Machine Seizure, and this guy… I dunno … runs a successful business.”

“I’ve had no instruction from the president to let anyone in, especially at this late hour.”

“Look, it was hard enough evading Secret Service and jimmying a window. We’re not about to let some pussy stop us when we’ve come this far. Remember how I said I’d pull strings to make you Governor? Forget it.”

“Well, and do you remember how Steve Bannon described me as ‘born of the grit of two warriors‘?”

“No matter how it looks to the world, Donald Trump and I did not fuck and produce you. Get out of the way.”

Rudy signaled to Sidney, who had been shaking a can of Diet Dr Pepper, which she now opened and released into Andrew’s face. Blinded, he clawed desperately at his eyes as the head of Overstock reached for the golf club and swung it at Andrew’s head, rendering him unconscious.

The rest is history.