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(Rate Your Students)
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except that Maureen Dowd is kind of a wrecking ball of a writer,
and Soltan isn't. For the life of me, I can't figure out her
politics, but she's pretty fabulous, so who gives a damn?"
(Tenured Radical)

Saturday, February 21, 2004

PORTRAIT
III

Conclusion

ALEXANDER J. DOWIE
(Violently.) Fellowchristians and anti-Bloomites the man called Bloom is from the roots of hell, a disgrace to christian men. A fiendish libertine from his earliest years this stinking goat of Mendes gave precocious signs of infantile debauchery recalling the cities of the plain, with a dissolute granddam. This vile hypocrite, bronzed with infamy, is the white bull mentioned in the Apocalypse. A worshipper of the Scarlet Woman, intrigue is the very breath of his nostrils.

DR MULLIGAN
He has recently escaped from Dr Eustace’s private asylum for demented gentlemen. Traces of elephantiasis have been discovered among his ascendants. There are marked symptoms of chronic exhibitionism. Ambidexterity is also latent. He is prematurely bald from selfabuse, perversely idealistic in consequence, a reformed rake and has metal teeth.

N.
Feel my entire weight, Bloom. Bow, bond-slave before the throne of your despot’s glorious heels, so glistening in their proud erectness.

BLOOM
I promise never to disobey.

N.
I only want to correct you for your own good. Hold him down, girls, till I squat on him. The sins of your past are rising against you. Many. Hundreds. Mr Bloom, all is changed by woman’s will since you slept horizontal in Sleepy Hollow your night of twenty years. To attempt my virtue! Sully my innocence! You are not fit to touch the garment of a pure woman.

[Bloom transfigured into pig, woman, teapot, then nothingness.]