This is an archived page. Images and links on this page may not work. Please visit the main page for the latest updates.

 
 
 
Read my book, TEACHING BEAUTY IN DeLILLO, WOOLF, AND MERRILL (Palgrave Macmillan; forthcoming), co-authored with Jennifer Green-Lewis. VISIT MY BRANCH CAMPUS AT INSIDE HIGHER ED





UD is...
"Salty." (Scott McLemee)
"Unvarnished." (Phi Beta Cons)
"Splendidly splenetic." (Culture Industry)
"Except for University Diaries, most academic blogs are tedious."
(Rate Your Students)
"I think of Soltan as the Maureen Dowd of the blogosphere,
except that Maureen Dowd is kind of a wrecking ball of a writer,
and Soltan isn't. For the life of me, I can't figure out her
politics, but she's pretty fabulous, so who gives a damn?"
(Tenured Radical)

Saturday, March 05, 2005

TOM, RAY, AND ED


UD, as regular readers know, does not drive. How does she get places?

1. She walks.
2. She takes public transportation.
3. She gets rides from family and friends.
4. She takes taxis.

UD takes a lot of taxis, and her taxi use excites confused comment in her affluent ‘thesdan town.

For instance, when UD’s neighbors, who themselves typically own a couple of mega-SUVs, see her exiting a cab, they often exclaim, “That must cost a fortune, Margaret!”

UD hasn’t the energy to point out to them that the cost of operating and maintaining their Navigators is far greater than… Sigh.




Also, from fielding comments about her taxi use, UD has discovered that some Americans fear cabs. “You’re getting in a car with a stranger!” “He could drive … anywhere!”

One high-profile taxiphobe is Robert King, chancellor of the SUNY system. So fearful of cabs is King that he maintains, at state expense, a team of three chauffeurs, Tom, Ray, and Ed. Tom, Ray, and Ed are there (combined salary, $170,000 plus) at King’s bidding to transport him from place to place in the course of his busy day.

So keen is King’s fear of ordering or hailing even an “executive” cab, that should for any reason Tom be unable to fulfill his driving duties, and should, God forbid, Ray ALSO be unable to chauffeur him, there is always, of course, Ed.




Asked to justify, under critically bad fiscal conditions for New York’s universities, a staff of three chauffeurs, Chancellor King recently said: “There's only one me, so it only takes one person."

Um? … But you have three …?

UD thinks King’s answer here may be his version of the notorious trinity enigma that UD’s husband, a Polish Catholic, has on more than one occasion tried to explain to her -- the “chauffeur” is one “person” in three “bodies,” or one could say “spirits,” which we designate by the terms “Tom,” “Ray,” and “Ed” …




Some people think even one chauffeur for the chancellor of a stressed university system is too many:

‘ One government reform activist questioned whether SUNY needs a driving staff for officials in light of recent budget cuts and tuition increases. "At a time when so many cuts are being proposed, the question is, is everyone sharing in the sacrifice?" said Rachel Leon of Common Cause New York. '

So, zee “Common” people call for “sacrifice”?? Zut! “Sacrifice” is not in the vocabulaire of the excellently named Mr. King… Having gathered to himself a "$250,000 salary and $90,000 housing allowance [which] already make him the highest-paid official in the state,” Mr. King only last January turned around and “asked for a six-month paid leave of absence to pursue professional and personal goals. He pulled the request within a week after an outcry.”

Vous bet there was an outcry! And when the students at your state’s flagship campus are sufficiently ivre-mort as to have earned last year’s Number One Party School award [see UD, 8/25/04 and 8/30/04], you don’t want to be stirring up the masses.

‘ Some students said the drivers did not seem to be a good use of SUNY's funds. Emily Kern, a senior at the State University College at Purchase in Westchester County, said she has seen student fees go up and the number of full-time professors fall. "The students aren't a priority really at all," said Kern, 22, of Long Island, a senior art and psychology major. ’