Mrs Premise It's a funny thing freedom. I mean how can any of us be really free when we still have personal possessions.

Mrs Conclusion You can't. You can't. I mean, how can I go off and join Frelimo when I've got nine more installments to pay on the fridge.

Mrs Premise No, you can't. You can't. Well this is the whole crux of Jean-Paul Sartre's 'Roads to Freedom'.

Mrs Conclusion No, it bloody isn't. The nub of that is, his characters stand for all of us in their desire to avoid action. Mind you, the man at the off-licence says it's an everyday story of French country folk.

Mrs Premise What does he know?

Mrs Conclusion Nothing.

Mrs Premise Sixty new pence for a bottle of Maltese Claret. Well I personally think Jean-Paul's masterwork is an allegory of man's search for commitment.

Mrs Conclusion No it isn't.

Mrs Premise Yes it is.

Mrs Conclusion Isn't.

Mrs Premise 'Tis.

Mrs Conclusion No it isn't.

Mrs Premise All right. We can soon settle this. We'll ask him.

Mrs Conclusion Do you know him?

Mrs Premise Yes, we met on holiday last year.

Mrs Conclusion In Ibeezer?

Mrs Premise Yes. He was staying there with his wife and Mr and Mr Genet. Oh, I did get on well with Madam S. We were like that.

Mrs Conclusion What was Jean-Paul like?

Mrs Premise Well, you know, a bit moody. Yes, he didn't join in the fun much. Just sat there thinking. Still, Mr Rotter caught him a few times with the whoopee cushion. (she demonstrates) Le Capitalisme et La Bourgeoisie ils sont la même chose... Oooh we did laugh.

Mrs Conclusion Well, we'll give him a tinkle then.

Mrs Premise Yes, all right. She said they were in the book. (shouts) Where's the Paris telephone directory?

Mrs Inference It's on the drier.

Mrs Premise No, no, that's Budapest. Oh here we are Sartre ... Sartre.

Mrs Varley It's 621036.

Mrs Premise Oh, thank you, Mrs Varley. (dials) Hallo. Paris 621036 please and make it snappy, buster... (as they wait they sing 'The Girl from Ipanema') Hallo? Hello Mrs Sartre. It's Beulagh Premise here. Oh, pardon, c'est Beulagh Premise ici, oui, oui, dans Ibeezer. Oui, we met... nous nous recontrons au Hotel Miramar. Oui, à la barbeque, c'est vrai. Madame S. - est-ce que Jean est chez vous? Oh merde. When will he be free? Oh pardon. Quand sera-t-il libre? Oooooh. Ha ha ha ha (to Mrs Conclusion) She says he's spent the last sixty years trying to work that one out. (to Madame Sartre) Très amusant, Madam S. Oui absolument... à bientôt. (puts the phone down) Well he's out distributing pamphlets to the masses but he'll be in at six.

[…. Stock shot of Eiffel Tower. French accordion music. Mix through to French street thronged by old Frenchmen with berets and loaves. Mrs Conclusion and Mrs Premise appear and walk up to the front door of an apartment block. On the front door is a list of the inhabitants of the block. They read it out loud.]

Mrs Premise Oh, here we are, Number 25 .... (reads) Flat 1, Duke and Duchess of Windsor, Flat 2, Yves Montand, Flat 3, Jacques Cousteau, Flat 4, Jean Genet and Friend, Flat 5, Maurice Laroux...

Mrs Conclusion Who's he?

Mrs Premise Never heard of him. Flat 6, Marcel Marceau, 'Walking Against the Wind' Ltd. Flat 7, Indira Gandhi?

Mrs Conclusion She gets about a bit, doesn't she?

Mrs Premise Yes, Flat 8, Jean-Paul and Betty-Muriel Sartre. [She rings the bell. A voice comes from the intercom.]

Voice Oui.

Mrs Premise C'est nous, Betty-Muriel, excusez que nous sommes en retard.

Voice Entrez. [Buzzer sounds.]

Mrs Premise Oui, merci.

[Interior the Sartres' flat. It is littered with books and papers. We hear Jean-Paul coughing. Mrs Sartre goes to the door. She is a ratbag with a fag in her mouth and a duster over her head. A French song is heard on the radio. She switches it off.]

Mrs Sartre Oh, rubbish. (opens the door) Bonjour.

Mrs Conclusion (entering) Parlez vous Anglais?

Mrs Sartre Oh yes. Good day. (Mrs Premise comes in) Hello, love!

Mrs Premise Hello! Oh this is Mrs Conclusion from No. 46.

Mrs Sartre Nice to meet you, dear.

Mrs Conclusion Hello.

Mrs Premise How's the old man, then?

Mrs Sartre Oh, don't ask. He's in one of his bleeding moods. 'The bourgeoisie this and the bourgeoisie that' - he's like a little child sometimes. I was only telling the Rainiers the other day - course he's always rude to them, only classy friends we've got - I was saying solidarity with the masses I said... pie in the sky! Oooh! You're not a Marxist are you Mrs Conclusion?

Mrs Conclusion No, I'm a Revisionist.

Mrs Sartre Oh good. I mean, look at this place! I'm at my wits end. Revolutionary leaflets everywhere. One of these days I'll revolutionary leaflets him. If it wasn't for the goat you couldn't get in here for propaganda. [Shot of a goat eating leaflets in corner of room.]

Mrs Premise Oh very well. Can we pop in and have a word with him?

Mrs Sartre Yes come along.

Mrs Premise Thank you.

Mrs Sartre But be careful. He's had a few. Mind you he's as good as gold in the morning, I've got to hand it to him, but come lunchtime it's a bottle of vin ordinaire - six glasses and he's ready to agitate.

Mrs Premise and Mrs Conclusion knock on the door of Jean-Paul's room.

Mrs Premise Coo-ee! Jean-Paul? Jean-Paul! It's only us. Oh pardon ... c'est même nous...

[They enter. We do not see Jean-Paul although we hear his voice.]

Jean-Paul Oui.

Mrs Premise Jean-Paul. Your famous trilogy 'Rues à Liberté, is it an allegory of man's search for commitment?

Jean-Paul Oui.

Mrs Premise I told you so.

Mrs Conclusion Oh coitus.