'The ads are all discreetly placed so that you barely noticed them, assuming you were one of those who passed out in the sweltering 97-degree heat brought to you by Victory Medical Family Care.

But, hey, business is good. And the football is even better.

The Longhorns' 56-7 romp over North Texas was more satisfying than Madam Mam's Noodles & More, as rookie quarterback Colt McCoy electrified the crowd with four touchdowns, three of them passes sponsored by the Dang Long Upholstery Service.

McCoy was Right Guard cool, showed Turtle Wax polish and exhibited remarkable poise in leading third-ranked Texas to an easy-as-expected 21st consecutive victory, the nation's longest winning streak.

"Colt came up to me Thursday," coach Mack Brown said, "and he asked, 'Is it normal that I'm not nervous?' I told him, 'That means you're prepared.' He didn't rattle at all."

Keep this up, and he may rattle the ghosts of Longhorn quarterback greats past. Yes, the school has had some. Vince Young, Marty Akins, Bobby Layne . . . and we'll have to get back to you.

But for three dropped passes by his receivers, McCoy would have completed 15 of 19 passes in a hair-raising collegiate debut brought to you by Cut 'n' Shoot Hair Studio.

He even had the longest run of the day with a 27-yard scramble, although Jamaal Charles and Selvin Young both stood out like the Event Staff's new electric lime-green shirts.

On both sides of the ball, Texas mostly stuck to whatever flavor is less vanilla than vanilla, playing Tays & Bohls Lawn-mowing Service base defense with only two or three blitzes and running counters, option pitches and zone reads out of the no-huddle.

Brown apparently is saving tight end threat Jermichael Finley to be next week's She Spies Private Eye secret weapon against Ohio State because neither McCoy nor backup Jevan Snead found the redshirt freshman for a pass.

The Longhorns rarely threw deep, but the Armadillo Insurance Agency offensive award went to Limas Sweed, who should assure McCoy of a great go-to receiver all season. Sweed broke off a 60-yard score on the third play of the game and had two touchdowns in the best individual game of his career.

"It's a million miles," Texas offensive coordinator Greg Davis said of the progress Sweed has made.

He may go further. If Sweed looked any more like Roy Williams in their shared No. 4 jerseys, he'd be arrested for impersonating the best receiver in school history.

The Longhorns' Big Rack Taxidermy defense positively stuffed North Texas' Jamario Thomas, who two years ago led the nation in rushing but on this day led a trail of Longhorns wherever he went. The junior finished with 38 yards rushing and, were his 16-yard burst subtracted from his total, averaged 1.7 yards a carry.

"We had a lot of great physical play," UT defensive co-coordinator Gene Chizik said. "Our safeties came up with some big plays, and our defensive line was swarming the passer. But any time they score, it upsets you."

None was more physical than Erick Jackson, who administered the Mad Dog Tattoo Removal hit of the day when he branded Mean Green kickoff returner Joel Nwigwe late in the game.

That's the type of mean and muscle that Texas must bring if it hopes to beat top-ranked Ohio State next weekend.

However, the Longhorns are going to have to play smarter than volatile linebacker Robert Killebrew, who made the Around the Clock Bail Bonds bonehead play of the day when he hit Thomas out of bounds. At least Killer did wait until his fifth play of the season before getting his first personal foul of the year and fifth in his career.

Texas certainly doesn't want to leave it up to the officials, who might make the Headset Express bad call of the day as they did when they held up play forever by reviewing Aaron Ross' muff of North Texas' first punt.

As Brown said, "The game was two hours. Instant replay was another hour."

However, it was worth the wait. Texas genuinely looked like a legit national contender — although we'll know more in next week's Big Foot Pest Control game of the year.'