Paging Richard Brodhead!
University of Miami President Donna Shalala writes a shitty letter to her university and to the world, in the aftermath of her football team's third major act of violence on the field.
Shalala needs to consult Duke's president, who may not have done everything right in the wake of his own spectacular and ongoing mess, but who knows how to write an honest and dignified letter.
Here, with parenthetical commentary, is Shalala's:
To the University Community:
Saturday's on-field melee has no place at the University of Miami. [Weak and condescending opening line, with its high school teacherish "has no place" business. An onfield riot has no place anywhere; and something like it has in fact happened more than once in the past at the school. Far from having no place, it seems to have an increasingly secure place there. Starting with honesty about the event and its history is the way to go, rather than with a Nurse Rached cliche.]
What happened Saturday night at the Orange Bowl was outrageous. Regardless of who started it, this was an embarrassing display of unsportsmanlike behavior. Fortunately there were no injuries. [Also bad. Don't allude to 'what happened.' Say, in exact and even lurid language, what happened. This letter is supposed to inform the community of the precise nature of the events, not merely allude to them and start ventilating. And 'embarrassing display of unsportsmanlike behavior' is truly pathetic. The word 'thugs' is on everyone's lips this morning, from the major media to the minutest blogger. The president simply must acknowledge how bad things are, or she loses credibility in terms of her response. And 'fortunately there were no injuries' is simply bizarre. First of all, there were -- some of the players who fought were already injured, on crutches, and no doubt hurt themselves more. The injuries may have been minor, but there were injuries. This would also be a good place for the president to refer to the incalculable moral injury done her school in the eyes of the world, by this and similar incidents.]
FIU President Mitch Maidique and I talked by phone shortly after the incident on Saturday night. We both expressed deep disappointment and apologized to each other on behalf of our institutions. [Search this blog for details on what we can expect from His Excellency Mitch Maidique.]
What was envisioned as an opportunity for two hometown teams to provide an evening of athletic competition resulted in a brawl that brought embarrassment to the teams, our universities, and our community. [Again, the president seems unaware that this event way transcends embarrassment.]
The University of Miami simply will not tolerate or condone this type of behavior. Period. We expect the best from our students. Indeed we hold all of them to a high standard of personal conduct. [Crappy writing always ensues when you try to make words do the work of actions. Note all of her intensifiers... "simply...period...indeed..." None of them works. All that's conveyed is her agitation. And everyone who follows the University of Miami even cursorily knows that it does not at all hold its students to high standards of personal conduct, so the president looks hypocritical here.]
The one bright light is that the thousands of students from both institutions who attended the game behaved in exemplary fashion and kept their seats and their heads. [Kept their seats? From what I understand, they were scared shitless. Would you leap out of your seat into thirty huge men hurling things at each other?]
On Sunday the Atlantic Coast Conference conducted an independent review of the incident. As a result of that review, last night the ACC and the University of Miami announced that 13 student-athletes have been suspended for the game this coming weekend.
The ACC maintains rigorous behavioral and academic standards for student-athletes. [Bullshit.] We are satisfied with their decision.
End of letter. No review of UM's history of violence. No announcement of Shalala's own punishments, new rules, more serious suspensions of certain players, whatever. Nothing. Content of this letter?
1. Boohoo.
2. I'll do what the boys at the ACC tell me to.
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