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The last one was way successful, so here UD goes again.

Please read the following article from Ontario’s Daily Commercial News:

With a nod to [Waterloo's] industrial past, and an eye to a green future, designers unveiled plans on January 7, 2009 for an uptown school that aims to attract sharp minds from around the world.

To be built on land where whisky barrels used to roll, the Balsillie School of International Affairs will transform an empty Seagram’s distillery site into a tree-lined campus with understated brick buildings, living roofs, a public auditorium and central courtyard.

“This is an institution that will go head to head with the rest of the world,” declared Shirley Blumberg, principal architect for the project.

Speaking at a packed open house at the Centre for International Governance Innovation, Blumberg said the school was designed to be “functional but not fancy,” as per the wishes of its namesake and chief bankroller, Research In Motion co-CEO Jim Balsillie.

Balsillie is giving $33 million to the new school, while University of Waterloo and Wilfrid Laurier University will add $25 million over 10 years.

The site connects to the Centre for International Governance Innovation.

The project will be built in phases, with ground preparation beginning by the end of this year.

City council will be asked to approve the site’s master plan on Feb. 23.

Although the economic downturn will affect the timing of later construction, the section housing the Balsillie school will be the first to be finished.

It’s designed to hold about 25 faculty, plus 70 to 100 students.

Future plans call for another academic wing to hold other university programs, plus a proposed 12-storey building that would serve as housing for faculty and students and an underground parking garage.

Okay, so here you have a new university rising from the ashes of a whisky distillery. A … frothy atmosphere for puns… In fact, ol’ Shirley up there already did it… The place will go head to head…

So — Readers are invited to come up with a university motto, presidential inaugural remarks, copy for promotional brochures… stuff like that.

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As with the last contest, the prize is an inscribed copy of Teaching Beauty.

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12 Responses to “Another CONTEST!”

  1. Dave Stone Says:

    Scotch and Waterloo

    Balsillie School Barrels into Future

    Considers Name Change to George W. Bushmills School of International Affairs

    Names School Mascot: Wild Turkey

    Seagram’s Had Been on the Rocks; Heads Now Spin at Proof of Strength

    Neighbors Complain Campus Now Smells More Like Booze

  2. Margaret Soltan Says:

    Beery laughter, Dave. Thanks for the first entry.

  3. Jonathan Says:

    "E Whisky Veritas"

  4. TAFKAU Says:

    A couple of potential mottos (mottoes?):

    "Whiskey River Take My Mind" (with a nod to Willie Nelson), and

    "Distilling Knowledge Since 2008".

    Also, the catalogue could advertise a joint degree program lasting seven years and costing $7,000. It would, of course, be known as the "7 and 7 Plan".

    Perhaps "Research in Motion" could be re-named "Room in Motion".

    And finally, and hoping not to lower the tone too much, don’t you imagine that the "Balsillie School of International Affairs" is one of those names that looks OK on paper, but will sound a little odd when spoken out loud: "Good afternoon, thank you for calling the Balsillie School…"

  5. Christopher Vilmar Says:

    What, no plans for a campus bar? Now that’s disappointing. Here’s my first ideas:

    FERMENT NOW INTELLECTUAL AT FORMER DISTILLERY

    TEACHING TASKS INSTEAD OF BREACHING CASKS

    STIFF DRINKS YIELD TO SKIFFS AND THINKS

    And not to channel a former VP candidate, but:

    AFFAIRS AFTER WHISKY? YOU BETCHA!

  6. veblen Says:

    At the Balsillie School of International Affairs, ideas are born of the fiery ferment, condensed to their purest essence and set aside to mellow in order to produce smooth top shelf policy portfolios for nations around the world. Balsillie portfolios are never harsh, but alway carry a kick.

  7. Jeremy Bangs Says:

    Under the category "stuff like that":

    official drink: Teachers Highland Cream.

  8. Margaret Soltan Says:

    Spectacular entries so far… Keep ‘em coming…

  9. University Diaries » Don’t Forget There’s a Contest Going on Down There! Says:

    [...] Down there! A few posts down! Take a look, and think of something clever. [...]

  10. Christopher Vilmar Says:

    OK, UD, in light of the instructions (I know, I know—if this was a test I’d have already failed), here are some materials FOR the university as opposed to headlines ABOUT it.

    Presidential Address
    “I stand before you today, scotch and soda in hand, to dedicate the Balsillie School of International Affairs. When this site was a Seagram’s factory, there was a daily breaching of casks to ensure that the whisky was smooth and rich and prepared for the world market. At our new institution, we plan to uphold these traditions. The daily teaching of tasks will prepare analysts for the world market, ready to smooth over international incidents and make people rich. Now, instead of distilling draughts of strong drink, we’ll be distilling drafts of powerful policy papers, to lead companies like Seagrams into the twenty-first century. The ferment here will now be intellectual, but no less heady and intoxicating for those with the means to partake of it.”

  11. BOB FIDDAMAN Says:

    CAMPUS ON THE ROCKS

    Fid

  12. veblen Says:

    *****************FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE***********************
    **********From the Balsillie School of International Affairs***********
    Balsilliers in Print.

    The following are recently published books by Balsilliers. .

    From Winston Churchill to Richard Nixon:Whiskey and World Leaders, by Bill Wilson, Edgar  Royal Crown Professor of Political Science. Publisher  Wilber D. Mills Press, Little Rock, Arkansas. (2009)

    The Eighteenth Amendment to the US Constitution and the Jazz Age Canadian Economy, by Foster Brooks, Edgar  Bronfman Professor of Constitutional Law and International Economics. Publisher Molson University Press, Toronto, Canada. (2009)

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