H is for your Horny jigs with strippers
E is for inEbriation WOW
G is for repeated Gross malfeasance
S is for your Shout: KILL MUSLIMS NOW
E is you’re inEbriate again
T is Take your drunk paws offa me
H is I’m a Holy man amen
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UPDATE: Rats. He’s already outgoing.
UD lately has featured preppy upbeat mugshots, but here’s one that’s simply …vintage. Our man hails from the barrens of Stanton Nebraska. He likes to get shitfaced, leave his feloniously owned shotgun at home, mount his ATV, and bomb through local streets.
[A] four-wheeler was observed being operated recklessly at high speeds and running multiple stop signs near the Stanton County courthouse.
Sheriff Mike Unger, who was on foot in the area, attempted to stop the four-wheeler near 7th and Jackpine, but the driver failed to do so and nearly struck the Sheriff as he accelerated away from the residential area at 70 to 80 mile an hour estimated speeds.
… [The charges are] speeding, multiple stop sign and ATV violations, willful reckless driving, and driving while intoxicated-2nd offense. He was also charged with being a felon in possession of a firearm after … a search warrant at his residence turned up a shotgun and ammunition.
Somebody forgot to smile!
You can read years of frat atrocities on that campus here, if you’ve got the stomach; but if you just want the very latest —
A frat that had recently had its wrist slapped by this infinitely indulgent school seems to have killed a guy. (“Beta was on alcohol probation at the time of [Won] Jang’s death, following a suspension in the fall, winter and spring terms.”) Hazing, mucho booze, and a nearby river seem to have been the classic ingredients in this most recent case, and we can expect all the usual worthless responses – suspending the frat, offering a settlement/being sued by the poor babe’s parents, possible charges against the sadists of Beta Alpha Omega, blah blah. Ecoute: Dartmouth’s the school of choice for the children of wealthy sadistic alcoholics. Booze is its brand, and that ain’t gonna change. A little rape/carnage is the cost of doing business.
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Update: Of course, Dartmouth can’t hold a candle to Oklahoma State.
If you pick Oklahoma State — and if you’re regarded as someone who can help the [football] team win — you can have six or seven beers and get behind the wheel of a car and you won’t get punished by the coach.
The Winchester Va. voting public really knows how to pick ’em.
Sports writers are outdoing themselves, describing the merdique behavior last week.
At 1:28 pm, the stadium’s more sober patrons were already about seven drinks deep. They or their employers had paid good money — in some cases down-payment-on-a-house money — to see something depraved. A streaker who was still wearing pants wasn’t going to cut it… [In] the haze of Topo Chico strawberry guavas, Miller Lites and vodka sodas, the weed, the rain and the mud, the hooting, howling, and the grabassing, no one could be sure they were at a professional sports event. Every other data point suggested that, in reality, they had slipped into exactly where they wanted to be: a black hole of feral manhood… [T]he 10-drink cutoff was a very gentle suggestion. Bartender after bartender told group after group, “If you take care of me, I’ll take care of you.” I watched several men in their 40s and 50s tip hundred-dollar-bills after each round, and their wristbands were never scanned. For many, 10 soon became 20, which became face-planting into a urinal… To visit the toilets was to realize fully that no sporting event embodies its name as cosmically as the Waste Management Open. They stood in an unlit room at the end of a long, wet, musty, unlit hall. By 2:00, the plastic urinals — a green, eight-foot-tall structure where four men at a time pee toward each other — were overflowing, urine spilling onto mud-soaked All Birds. Nearly every Porta Potty around the perimeter was filled with cans of hard seltzers.
What to do? Hm. Hm.
‘The PGA Tour has continually turned a blind eye toward drinking to excess at golf events, but after this week it no longer can... And if you’re wondering how important beer and alcohol sponsorship is to the tournament, the title sponsor of the Birds Nest, the off-course drinking and concert establishment, is Coors Light and the non-title sponsor is Jamison.’
On it, sir. Right on it.
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He leaves behind a book and a set of interviews in which he graphically and eloquently describes/analyzes the death spiral of drug and alcohol addiction.
“The world might be shocked at his untimely death, but Perry knew that his addiction was going to kill him.”
The fatal extremity of dependency has rarely been put before us with more power.
... I read about Lisa Marie Presley‘s death. Both born and bred to LA madness, where scads of family and friends drugged and drank madly… You often read these days of uber-LA celebs moving everyone out of there (Australia seems the go-to spot) to avoid a culture where so many are pickling in chemicals.
Fisher made it to 60; Presley died at 54. Both hopelessly drugged up their hearts.
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As a university-chronicler, UD sometimes wonders about the almost-total absence of university education in Mad LA, something Ricky Gervais cruelly pointed out at an awards speech (“You’re in no position to lecture the public about anything. You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than [17 year old] Greta Thunberg.”). It’s not that you can’t become a walloping addict and have gone to Cambridge (see Stephen Fry), but it is possible that temporary removal from mad LA to a location of some discipline and reflection (note the title of B. Giamatti’s book on universities: A Free and Ordered Space) would have helped some of LA’s victims.
‘House Republican Leader Kevin McCarthy had been expected to take the stage of his election-night party at a D.C. hotel as early as 10 p.m.
Montgomery County Planning Board Chairman Casey Anderson had “over 32 bottles of hard liquor in his office where he routinely create[d] mixed drinks and distribute[d] them on a significant scale.”
UD covered it on this blog; Love’s drunk jealous on and off boyfriend kicked in her locked (to keep him out) off campus house door and bloodily beat her to death, for which he’s currently serving a 23-year sentence. And now Love’s mother has won a $15 million damages case against him.
Okay, back to the current legal drama coming out of an arrogant gin-soaked world…
… which this blog has long covered, has morphed into a military-grade assault on American municipalities. Even the grossest, most self-serving of locations – places like Myrtle Beach and Panama City Beach – have begun wondering whether it’s ultimately… advantageous to them to be associated in the public mind with open-air rape, open-air drug dealing, street riots, and incessant gunfire. A lot of people seem to think these conditions aren’t family friendly. A lot of people in these localities are trying to unload real estate.
Throw in covid and you get Miami Beach, another notorious spring break location, and one that in recent years has really struggled with epically disgusting behavior. Unable to cope with this year’s fusillades, the city has imposed severe, weeks-long, curfews.
“I believe it’s a lot of pent-up demand from the pandemic and people wanting to get out,” David Richardson, a member of the Miami Beach City Commission, said on Sunday. “And our state has been publicly advertised as being open, so that’s contributing to the issue.”
But that leaves plenty still available to kill your kid.
When the frats kill a particularly young one, I post this variant of Randall Jarrell’s The Death of the Ball Turret Gunner.
From my mother’s sleep I fell into State U.
And I drank in its belly till my wet fur froze.
Miles from home, loosed from my parents’ love,
I woke to black vodka and the nightmare brothers.
When I died I was .495 booze.
Giuliani’s court bid to overturn Biden victory turns to farce as he forgets judge’s name, calls other lawyer ‘that angry man,’ claims the 11 biggest cities are conspiring to steal election, then gets directions to the nearest martini bar.
He figured Fox would be a friendly place for him to try to get it up (it being the Hunter Biden thing) but the interviewer challenged him and … you know… I mean… it’s a désinhibiteur after all…
‘Some can say that you’re acting like Christopher Steele, that you were abstracting information.’
‘You better apologize for that. I mean I’ve been a United States attorney, associate attorney general, mayor of New York City and a member of the bar for 50 years. I’ve never been accused of anything, and you’re accusing me of being Christopher Steele. What you’re saying is an outrageous defamation of me, of my reputation… I came on your show in good faith to give you evidence that is being withheld from the American people, and I get defamed. This may be the last time we’ll be on camera because I don’t let people call me Christopher Steele.’