May 19th, 2024
Butker, Hawley, Will Go On Fact-Finding Mission to Iran

Senator Josh Hawley and Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker have announced that this September they will visit the Islamic Republic of Iran to learn more about that country’s drone technology.

The men, friends and political allies, will be escorted to selected surveillance sites by President Ebrahim Raisi of the Combatant Clergy party.

“The intention is to gather information about Iran’s innovative use of drones to police its female population,” said a spokesman from Hawley’s Senate office. Under its new Chastity Law, the Islamic Republic beats and jails any woman found not wearing a hijab and loose-fitting, full-body-covering, clothing. The drone system allows the government access to any location girls and women may congregate – schools, libraries, restaurants, city streets, parks, public and private transportation, and the home – and facilitates immediate detention and beating on the ground by Morality Police.

“The applications here at home are extensive,” said Hawley’s representative, “in particular in regard to fertile white women who may be attending college and then entering the work force instead of becoming impregnated. It’s amazing to think we’re living in a time where we can keep daily tabs on non-reproductive citizens in order to identify them, counsel them, and offer them relevant incentives and disincentives. But first the Senator and Mr Butker need to know more about the technology.”

May 7th, 2024
Wire-haired pointers, boxers…

The Republican breed certainly makes good copy.


It’s true what they say – he really does have the common touch!

[Stormy Daniels] remembers Trump saying ‘I thought we were getting somewhere.’

‘”If you wanted to get out of the trailer park,” Daniels remembers Trump stating.

April 19th, 2024
Headline of the Day

Doug Mastriano Touts Endorsement from

Ultra-Orthodox Rabbi who Expresses Sympathy

for Capitol Rioters and Believes Hitler was Part Lizard

March 15th, 2024
‘The fact that we weren’t sure if Pence would endorse the guy who tried to have him murdered … is wild.’


March 2nd, 2024
Headline of the Day

Fox News Guest Decrying “Migrant Crime”

Previously Arrested After Getting Violent

Over a [Too-Cheesy] Grilled Cheese Sandwich

February 23rd, 2024
This just in



MONTGOMERY, AL—In a case aimed at preserving what plaintiffs described as the sanctity of reheatable Tex-Mex fare, Alabama’s Supreme Court issued a ruling Tuesday in which it asserted that frozen burritos are children. “With this decision, the court finds that frozen burritos—be they beef, bean and cheese, chicken, or any combination thereof—are legally recognized as children,” Justice Jay Mitchell wrote in the court’s majority opinion, claiming that at the moment the frozen burrito is placed in its plastic sleeve, it becomes human life made in the image of God. 

February 19th, 2024
Headline, Jalopnik


February 9th, 2024
Canadian Blowhard Fails to See Which Way the Wind is Blowing

Monsieur Macho represented himself in his trial for defaming climate change scientist Michael Mann cuz NOT ONLY IS CLIMATE CHANGE A HOAX BUT … BUT… BUT … MICHAEL MANN IS JUST LIKE A PEDERAST!

And not just any pederast – Jerry Sandusky!

Mark Steyn has to pay Mann one million dollars.

February 8th, 2024
Use Caution When Opening

Naked beneath a thin paper smock, a nurse checked my vitals …

Celeste Marcus is a bad writer. Salmagundi, which published her, seems not to have noticed. (The journal used to have higher standards.) She is bad not merely on the level of usage; she writes the breathless, self-regarding, histrionic bahdebah one associates with Naomi Wolf.


None of this pertains to her recent rape accusation against Yascha Mounk, which, true or not, has already done professional damage: the Atlantic has suspended him as a contributor, as has Die Zeit. Hopkins, where he teaches, has announced an investigation.

I think you should approach this story with caution. Marcus did not report the rape; we will find out whether friends will confirm that she spoke about it. Far as I know, Mounk has no reputation as a predator, unlike the sexually notorious Leon Wieseltier, currently Marcus’s fellow editor/boss at a new journal.


As you see, UD indeed brings skepticism to Marcus’s charge. What Marcus says could well be true, in which case throw the book at Mounk. But approach with caution.

December 9th, 2023
U Penn’s President…

… has resigned.


From the U Penn newspaper:

The announcement also comes two months after Wharton Board of Advisors Chair Marc Rowan called for Magill and Board of Trustees Chair Scott Bok’s resignation — alleging that the two leaders tolerated “antisemitism” on campus. In addition, Bok allegedly pressured Rowan and at least three trustees to step down after they publicly criticized the University’s response to the Palestine Writes festival. 

So there has been major internecine battle, and one side has definitely won. (Bok has also resigned.)

November 14th, 2023
Lady Macbeth Hits the Skids

Donna Adelson made a statement [to her son’s girlfriend] that she felt Dan Markel was haunting her from the grave.


The Florida Adelsons are giving the South Carolina Murdaughs a run for their money: Bloody Donna has just been nabbed ‘at the Miami-Dade International Airport after purchasing tickets to Vietnam.’


Okay so UD saw this story last night on YouTube and said NAH this is one of those bogus things that show up… But it’s true! They arrested the author of texts and emails that would make the mad queen of Scotland blush, baby.


UD notes the choice of Vietnam, which, while it has no extradition treaty with us, is known for cooperating if we ask nicely. UD would have gone with Indonesia, which is also reassuringly far away and which isn’t very cooperative and which (most importantly), like Vietnam, boasts excellent local cuisine and spectacular coastlines.


The full warrant. I guess dad goes to jail for accessory to first degree murder… Which leaves only Wendi still at home with the kids… Wendi, who drove by her annoying ex-husband’s murder site pretty much as the event happened (weird, huh?), then immediately swept up the kids, changed their last name from the corpse’s to hers, and set out on her blessedly Dan Markel-free life…

But whaddaya gonna do? Who else would have a motive to assassinate blameless Dan Markel but his ex-family? And hey how bout those traffic cams which can pick up exactly the make and model of Prius that Markel’s neighbor saw pulling out of his driveway with two guys in it who shattered Markel’s driver’s side window and shot his head off? What in God’s name are you going to do?


And wow do you think they’ll get nutty scuzzy Charlie (currently rotting in jail for eternity) to testify against his own mother? Will he flip on his sister?

October 27th, 2023
Good career move

Law enforcement found Card’s body around 7:45 p.m. ET, Sauschuck said at a news conference Friday night, adding that he died from an a self-inflicted gunshot wound. His body was found near the Androscoggin River in the Lisbon Falls area, some 10 miles from Lewiston, where the Wednesday night shooting rampage unfolded.

October 12th, 2023
‘Even if it survives, Hamas has by its own deeds shed any hope of acquiring anything that resembles political legitimacy; the path to some Sinn Féin–like rebirth is permanently closed off. Events of the past week have established for all time that Hamas is nothing but a pack of cold-blooded killers.’

Timothy Noah.

September 7th, 2023
“It’s like I was two separate people.”

One robbed one Seattle non-profit, and the other robbed another Seattle non-profit.

Susana Tantico told the court she – She #1 – is a good person, but she has an evil twin – She #2 – that spent years and years and years embezzling money intended for suffering impoverished children. She #2 seems to have killed She #1, because She #1 never did anything. It was all She #2, stealing, stealing, stealing, stealing.


Certes, UD could have chosen from about twelve trillion almost identical stories in the last six months or so. Everyone, as you know, steals.

No, no, UD: Not everyone. Not everyone!

August 22nd, 2023
Price fixing, bribery, lying about the danger of the opioids they push…

Even by pharma standards, Israel’s Teva is a real ugly standout. Where’s the long punishing article about this dirty enterprise in the NYT? Far as UD can tell, the place has long been a committed bad actor, and one wonders, with its latest massive settlement, whether anyone will bother looking at its scandalous history and writing about it. I mean, it’s clearly able to handle hundreds of millions in penalties every year as the cost of doing business, so pressure needs to come from elsewhere if we are going to stop these predators.

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