The Tao of Chemistry

A naughty young man from Fuzhou

Thought China should equally know

Our every analysis

Regarding catalysis.

And now off to prison he’ll go.


The adventures of Leniency Alec

Are now looking downright vandalic:

From Epstein’s erections

To child-sex projections

The theme’s become totally phallic.

Ah, sweet mystery of life.

You can’t have a sip of Campari.

It’s hotter than ten Kalaharis.

So tell us Michel.

I mean, what the hell?

Why did FIFA select the Qataris?


Listen up, cuz I’m gonna be brief:

Who wrote the thing, Sontag or Rieff?

Conservative; Sorelist —
Who wrote Mind of Moralist?

Was someone around here a thief?


Our school of pharma doth deplore

The racketeering John Kapoor.

We’ve ordered a slurry

Cuz we’re in a hurry

To sandblast his name from the door.


At drug firms there’s truly a science

To being the Chief of Compliance:

A grasp geographic

Of best towns to traffic

Plus conspiracy, greed, and connivance.


Our period’s Decadent, Late.

Provenance: The Sackler Estate.

“But to pay for our Braques

With this family’s smahck

Is one step too far for the Tate.”

The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Head

The English narrator of ISIS

Now finds himself somewhat in crisis:

‘I chopped no one’s head!

I made not one man dead!

Get to know me – I’m really the nicest.’

Performing a Stiffyoscopy at the Underground

U Buffalo’s generous donor

Gives each of his salesmen a boner.

One dancer exotic

For every narcotic

That you sell for the company’s owner.


Ol’ Baylor grad Judge Ralphie Strother

Frees one Baylor boy after another.

“Hell them thangs ain’t rapes.

They jest got into some scrapes.

In Waco you look after yer brother.”


And good lord!  It’s hard to keep up with all the Baylor raping.  Here’s a handy timeline, just to get you started.


Grijalva attacks Ryan Zinke
Who hits back with G.’s problem with drinky.
Each man is a schlump
In the era of Trump;
It’s hard to say which is more stinky.


For Psycho, you want Tony Perkins;
For Chopin, select Rudolf Serkin.
But do not approach
As your next football coach
The problem from hell, D.J. Durkin.


John Martin. Sarkisian. Puliafito/Varma. Tyndall.
Takes a whole lot of naughtiness merely to kindle
A bit of Oh me!
From ol’ USC.
It’s less of a school than a swindle.


From My Blockbuster Tell-All on Rudy

By his (soon to be ex) third wife Judy:

‘He’d straddle a picture of Trump
And take a spectacular dump.
Cuz working for him made him moody.’


[I swear I wrote this before Diapergate.]


In Britain we want bad boy Boris
To wash his mouth out with Lavoris.
His latest mazurka,
“Hommage a la Burqa,”
Has given the whole country tsuris.

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