When packing your six year old’s pistol for school
Please help him to follow this one simple rule:
If shooting at teacher
He’s too short to reach her
So tell him to stand on a good sturdy stool.
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Little tyke didn’t manage to get a good shot off; looks as though his teacher will survive.
Success will take patience: This was apparently his first attempted murder, and I’m sure there will be others. Over time, he will learn proper stance, a steadier hand, etc.
Dad! Ball’s in your court. Beyond the obvious (much more father/son time on the shooting range), you’re going to have to pack multiple weapons in the lunchbox from now on, so that your child is able to choose the most appropriate weapon for any given situation.
No fear: The boy has his whole life ahead of him, and this is America.
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And a final, special message for the teacher: Apparently you caused the whole thing. Instead of letting the boy kill the classmate he was fighting with, you insisted on confiscating the weapon, which angered the boy and forced him to shoot at you. DO NOT – EVER – ATTEMPT TO GET BETWEEN A SIX YEAR OLD AND HIS RUGER. I suppose it didn’t even occur to you that this was probably a Christmas present, and one that he’s probably been begging for since he was three. Now it’s in the hands of the cops, and who knows how long it will be before his parents will be able to replace it with a junior AR-15.
Looks as though, because of you, Richneck Elementary School is going to have to wait some time before it gets its massacre. But all in good time.
Of all our political pantos
The strangest by far is George Santos.
Not one claim is true;
Even says he’s a Jew!
“Oh and plus I made up Esperanto.”
A young politician named Herschel
Has a brain that is all but inertial
His night and day REMs
Made it easy for DEMs
To run some amazing commercials
We interrupt this blog for a commercial
About that ol’ abortion-lover Herschel:
First he bangs ’em like a champ
Next it’s forceps and a clamp —
For Georgia, this is nothing controversial.
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Andrew Sullivan:
‘[T]he Senate candidacy of one Herschel Walker… [W]ords fail. No magical realist fiction writer could come up with something so sickeningly absurd.
… This man is running for the Senate for one of our major political parties. Not even the House. The Senate. He’s clearly incapable of understanding even a scintilla of what his job would entail, and manifestly incapable of doing it.
… Walker stalked, harassed and threatened to murder his ex-wife, threats that were enough for a judge to grant her a protective order in 2005. She had divorced him four years earlier, citing “physically abusive and extremely threatening behavior.” At one point, he put a gun to her head and said “I’m going to blow your fucking brains out.” This week, his son, Christian, claimed that he and his mother had to move six times in six months to escape his threats of violence.
… [A] man [who] makes the problem of fatherlessness a central part of his campaign … turns out to be entirely AWOL in the lives of his own four children — from four different mothers, three of whom he only publicly acknowledged after the press discovered them… In the words of his own son this week: “Family values, people? He has four kids, four different women, wasn’t in the house raising one of them. He was out having sex with other women.”
… So here we have a celebrity candidate with no political experience, neither eloquent nor honest, who abandoned his kids, threatened to kill his ex-wife, and has serious mental health problems … who may hold the balance of the Senate in his hands. That’s what the GOP now is. And if he actually paid for an abortion, i.e. in the view of sincere evangelicals, paid for the murder of an innocent child?’
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And it’s… THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW!!!!!
A Missouri psychotic named Greitens
Has watched as his Senate race tightens
He beats up his son
He threatens with guns
And Republican voters are frightened
A vote for Gov Gregory Abbott
Endangers your vibrator rabbit
Surrender your dildo
Your misery will grow
Vote Beto! and keep to your habit
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Really – the race is as tight as a Kegel exercise. Now’s the time to give Beto money.
Benson failed to detect on John Eastman
Any obvious Mark of the Beastman.
‘It was only much later
He came out as a traitor!
We ask you to leave us in peace, man.’
Though Mother Nature surely gains
When you grow trees on your remains
I find it more moral
To mix in with coral
For all of the fish it sustains
A tenured Penn lawyer named Wax
Has problems with Asians and blacks
Though everyone’s through
With her vile racist spew
The school cannot give her the axe
She's Fox News's new shogun
She shouts out her slogans
With every vile breath
Their Angel of Death
Choke on her name: Lara Logan
As a big fancy Reb yada yada
I declare you persona non grata.
Dare not darken the door
Of my prayer room no more
Or I'll curse you forever to Yahweh.
The stinkiest form of excreta
Is Ohio’s fair son, Mark Pukita.
When asked for his views
He replies “Fuck the Jews.”
Has the brain of a sub. trilobita.
Oxford is loath to look closely
At the money it took from Max Mosely.
“Why should we eschew?
Oh – that business with Jews.
All rumor and poppycock, mostly.”
The animal pen which you failed to braze
Let loose in the neighborhood utter amaze:
A five-equine zeal!
It seems so unreal.
But there it stands, striped and agraze.
I think it un-Christian to smirk
At the virulent Cardinal Burke.
But it wouldn’t be wrong
To quote Zappa’s old song:
“Jesus thinks you’re a jerk.”