'This "measles" thing's a fed'ral plot,'
Says Mercy Culture's Pastor Schott:
'Don't need no stinkin' devil's dose.
Just Father Son and Holy Ghost.
Our kiddies' death means diddlysquat.'

'Bien sûr, Monsieur Bannon's salute
Was très déclassé - oui, sans doute.
He's not a nice fella,'
Said Jordan Bardella;
'I'm leaving to reread La Chute.'

Without them veils I'd be a goner.
I must have taken too much bourbon ...
Quick!  Lend me PDQ your turban!
Ah.  Now I feel at peace, and calmer."

The biblical mandate from Walters

Now faces a lawsuit and falters.

“But I ain’t forlorn.

My obsession with porn

Sustains me against all assaulters.”

He drew his sword out of its scabbard

Then proudly he stood up and slabbered,

“Our Bobby’s repulsy

But nae like our Tulsi!

Come on, Dems! Prepare to be Gabbar’d!!”

I’m pissing myself over Tuesday’s debate

And I’m wondering now if it isn’t too late

To throw out some crap

To get the thing scrapped.

I know nothing, and there’s so much at stake.

America’s a wasteland, says Vance guru Peter Thiel

I’m boxing up my billions and I’m moving to New Zeal.

Patriots like me believe

If you don’t like the US, leave.

Fuck that ‘Make America Great Again’ spiel.

When females become merely fossils

Too old for the bedroom or brothel

According to Vance

They still have a chance

To watch babies when postmenopausal

What’s happening now with Joe Biden
Makes the other side think that it’s died and
Gone all up to heaven.
For 24/7
We’re watching Adventure Poseidon

Professor of Medicine Pinder

Wants Trump to be crushed to a cinder

She sent out a tweet

Said his death would be sweet

Her career is now all blown to flinders

There once was a Rep. name of Friske
Who liked to live life at high risk
He slipped on his gripper
And shot at a stripper
To which all I can say is tsk tsk

Although we did get bit
By the speech of Katie Britt,
I ask you people: What cur
Compares at all to Butker?
Rampaging, pureblood, Pit.

Don Wilson he pulled out his cock.

At his rich flow of pee he did gawk.

‘Dear Lord, what a man!

Piss a bucket I can!

Now what did I do with that Glock?’

Subpoenaing Gosar and Biggs

Makes me break into jubilant jigs.

Bizarros of MAGA

Don’t get any more gaga.

Let’s watch them and break out the cigs.

*************************************

(Yes, subpoenaing contains every vowel.)

UD will let everyone else make the obvious points about Biden’s state of the union: Aggressive, feisty, high-energy, confrontational, polemically sharp, etc.

UD will simply note that the dude is an inspiration to oldies everywhere. Eighty is the new fifty.

****************

From Heather Cox Richardson, via my pal Al S.:

… Trump’s team has dismissed Haley supporters, saying he doesn’t need them. In contrast, President Joe Biden continued to broaden the Democrats’ tent. Biden reached out in a statement, saying there was a place for Haley supporters in his campaign. “I know there is a lot we won’t agree on,” he said, “But on the fundamental issues of preserving American democracy, on standing up for the rule of law, on treating each other with decency and dignity and respect, on preserving NATO and standing up to America’s adversaries, I hope and believe we can find common ground.” … He asked Republicans to “speak the truth and bury the lies.” He urged them to “[r]emember your oath of office to defend against all threats foreign and domestic. Respect free and fair elections. Restore trust in our institutions. And make clear—political violence has absolutely no place in America.”   As Democrats stood to applaud, Republicans remained resolutely in their seats… Age makes “certain things become clearer than ever before,” he said. “I know the American story.” “Again and again I’ve seen the contest between competing forces in the battle for the soul of our nation. Between those who want to pull America back to the past and those who want to move America into the future. My lifetime has taught me to embrace freedom and democracy. A future based on the core values that have defined America. Honesty. Decency. Dignity. Equality. To respect everyone. To give everyone a fair shot. To give hate no safe harbor.   “Now some other people my age see a different story,” he said, in a reference to Trump, who will turn 78 in June. “An American story of resentment, revenge, and retribution.” “[T]he issue facing our nation isn’t how old we are, it’s how old our ideas are,” Biden said. “Hate, anger, revenge, retribution are among the oldest of ideas, but you can’t lead America with … ideas that only take us back.” … [Republicans suggested that commentators describe their rebuttal choice] as “America’s mom.” [She gave the speech] in a kitchen.

‘[H]is high-decibel performance seemed to confound Republicans, who have spent years seeking to portray Biden as a near-catatonic dementia case.‘

LOL

*********************

OTOH…

Julia Ioffe, Washington correspondent for Puck News, said: “Imagine you’re sleeping over at a friend’s house and you get up in the middle of the night to pee and you hear a weird sound so you follow it to the kitchen, where your friend’s mom is drunk, crying, and rambling about the national debt. Those are the vibes from Katie Britt right now... “

“The acting chops … are somewhere between porn and high school play.”

*********************

And more porn! What exactly are people picking up on?

As someone who covers the far right and the Christian nationalist movement, Sen Katie Britt’s speech was the closest thing to porn they’ll consume.

*********************

“The sheer scale of her cringe became an instant legend.” Andrew Sullivan

*********************

“The Three Faces of Eve.”

**********************

Andrew Weissmann, MSNBC legal analyst and former federal prosecutor, wrote: “I don’t think Katie Britt is going to get the lead in the school play this year.”

**********************

‘There’s nothing I can quote from Britt’s speech that can convey the strangeness of it — the mismatched emotions, the smiles in the wrong places, the jaw clenched when it shouldn’t have been — just the indescribable weirdness. It was something that had to be seen, but even then, couldn’t be understood — like postmodernism, avant-garde performance art or an involuntary behavioral science experiment...  [S]he came off as the aunt who’s been spending too much time on Facebook, and if you don’t change the subject soon, she’s going to tell you about sex dungeons beneath the pizza parlor.‘

***********************

The MAGA reply from K. Britt

Hit home like a big piece of shit

She sat in her kitchen

Abitchin and bitchin

When she should have just read holy writ