‘In a car ride about a decade ago with a senior university official who has since left Liberty, “all [Liberty University President Jerry Falwell, Jr.] wanted to talk about was how he would nail his wife, how she couldn’t handle [his penis size], and stuff of that sort,” this former official recalled.’

Oh Lord, our President Falwell

Doth really really ball well.

Thou madest his cock

To roll and to rock.

Amen! He hath answered thy Call well.


Stand by for a statement from Tucker:

Who knew that Blake Neff was a fucker?

I shall now go away

To escape from a fray

That has totally made my ass pucker.”


You needn’t consult Alvin Toffler

To figure a future for Loeffler:

The stock deals of Kelly

Are stinky and smelly.

Her denials make things even awfler.


The tall man gets grouchy

When he hears li’l Fauci:

An icon of science

Who’s out of compliance

And gives the world’s leader an ouchy.


The win of one would-be commander
Looks dim when he too-left meanders
His answer on Castro
Will put him in last row
Unless someone sits down with Sanders


In secular France, it would seem,

We all have the right to blaspheme.

If you’re worried that’s gone

Listen up to Macron:

It’s the heart of what makes France supreme.


A hedge fund investor named Hodge

Had dummies he had to massage

To get into schools

That weren’t even cool

And now he is locked in une cage

Gohmert? UD has a limerick for him, too.

She has already shared with you the limerick she wrote long ago about Jonathan Turley; now that Louis Gohmert has popped up in the impeachment proceedings, UD brings back an old limerick she wrote about his frustrated efforts to have the National Portrait Gallery remove a bust of Margaret Sanger.

A congressman famed for his anger
Wants museums to bust Margaret Sanger.
Their refusal leaves Louie
– At zero for two-y –
To calm himself down with his wanger.

Since everyone’s talking about the legal, uh, situationalist Jonathan Turley…

… for whom lying about consensual sex is way impeachable, but bribing an ally desperate for military aid in a hot war is no way impeachable, UD thought she’d share this limerick she wrote years ago about Turley.

Turley is an avid defender of polygamists.

A colleague of UD‘s named Turley
Wants one boy to have many girlies.
“My thing on polygamy
Makes UD quite sick of me,
And even my wife has turned surly.”

The Dead
 My answer to Mr. Bloom, L.?
I'm fine, and am nowhere near hell.
My answer to this?
I'll stick with the Swiss.
The weather in Zurich is swell.


The way-Catholic Cardinal Ritter
Is standing knee-deep in the shitter.
But what can they do?
That fucking tattoo.
At least you can't call the team quitters.

The Tao of Chemistry

A naughty young man from Fuzhou

Thought China should equally know

Our every analysis

Regarding catalysis.

And now off to prison he’ll go.


The adventures of Leniency Alec

Are now looking downright vandalic:

From Epstein’s erections

To child-sex projections

The theme’s become totally phallic.

Ah, sweet mystery of life.

You can’t have a sip of Campari.

It’s hotter than ten Kalaharis.

So tell us Michel.

I mean, what the hell?

Why did FIFA select the Qataris?


Listen up, cuz I’m gonna be brief:

Who wrote the thing, Sontag or Rieff?

Conservative; Sorelist —
Who wrote Mind of Moralist?

Was someone around here a thief?

Next Page »

Latest UD posts at IHE