He wants to leave the…

United States; and he wants to leave Sarah.

This concludes the family values portion of your broadcast.

Epstein “misappropriated vast sums of money from me,” says Mr Victoria’s Secret.

Les Wexner claims he was ripped off; but a lot of people want to know why he never pressed charges against a guy who stole $46 million from him.

Maybe it didn’t ultimately seem like all that much money to the man who introduced a twelve and a half million dollar bra to the lingerie market.

Epstein’s Attorney Convicted of Underage Signature

At the very bottom of yesterday’s filing of a protective order, Team Epstein’s Martin Weinberg signs his name like a second grader (see page ten). This isn’t Martin G. Weinberg, mature self-mythologized counselor, Mr Superlitigator who looks down at you with Olympian pity; this is

MAWNEBERG, boy in short pants still sweating over his cursive M.

*******************

But of course that probably ain’t his signature. In the status-crazed world of the courts, you need to signal that you’re far too busy – and far too contemptuous of the other side – and far too supplied with assistants – to take time out for something as pedestrian as a signature. This kiddie-scrawl is the work of some squirrely little summer intern.

You can’t make this shit – I mean, piss – up.

The federal government has sued a Tennessee state legislator and a bunch of doctors and executives for fraud — specifically, for mandating urine tests for everyone who ever walked into their, yeah, pain management clinics, and then just storing what they dubbed ‘liquid gold’ somewhere and rarely bothering with it.

One whistleblower … said [company] executives once took him on a tour of the lab, during which [the whistleblower] commented on the “overpowering and unpleasant smell of urine.”

“To me, it smells like money,” an executive responded…

The “In-Control Rapist” Defense

“It’s not like he’s an out-of-control rapist,” [one of Jeffrey Epstein’s lawyers told the judge on Monday].

Br-r-r-r Satan!

Hell freezes over.

Take a gander…

… whether you like it or not, at the 40 x 80 American flag out on Interstate 77! It’s there to sell RVs at Gander RVs in Statesville NC and it’s WAYYY beyond that town’s limits on stuff you can fly to attract attention to yourself.

Like all hucksters appealing to patriotism with grotesque flags or to piety with ten ton crosses, Mr RV says shit no the entryway to Statesville will remain a mega-kitsch Betsy Ross and anyone who says boo hates this country. I’m a big fat patriot taking up a lot of space to sell big fat gas guzzlers and y’all just try to shut me down.

Bout time Mr RV got introduced to the concept of law, huh?

Fraudera

Jane Buckingham built a career as a parenting and lifestyle guru, giving advice to young people and women about raising a family, building a career and even how to survive “sticky situations.”

But on Friday afternoon, Buckingham, author and CEO of the youth marketing company Trendera, became one of three new parents to plead guilty in the nation’s largest-ever college admissions scandal. 

Fuck, yeah!

Make it TWICE as big, man.

‘Chicago — crowned the nation’s rat capital in one study — has more than doubled its work crews dedicated to rats, who set out poison and fill in burrows in parks, alleys and backyards.’

How did it train them to do that?

The South Will Improvise Again!

You jest cain’t keep a good ol’ boy on script.

His mentor, Jesse Helms, would be proud.

A tisket a tasket, I brought my auntie’s casket…

Sing it.

Not sure if you know this
But funerals are pricey
My wedding and your corpse…
It’s very dicey

I found the answer

We’ll take our journey together

Your rictus smile

Will follow me down the aisle.

You look so beautiful in death
And from now till my very last breath
This day I’ll cherish
You look so beautiful in death

Have you completed your checklist for…

doing nothing?

UD’s father was an immunologist…

… so she takes an interest in stories about immunity. Here’s an excerpt from one in today’s NYT:

Dr. Lemon’s prescription for a better immune system doesn’t end there. “You should not only pick your nose, you should eat it,” she said.

Judicial temperament…

Texas style!

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