Fragile-Ex

Trump in ‘fragile’ mood and may drop out of 2020 race if poll numbers don’t improve, GOP insiders tell Fox News

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No doubt wags up and down this land are sharpening their pencils as they sketch out Trump Finds Out He Can’t Win versions of this much-parodied bit of film.

Whoops. He thought Venezuela was part of Finland.

Republicans up and down the ballot have also galvanized around a central 2020 messaging strategy focused on branding Democrats as far-left lovers of socialism. Months of that groundwork is now, at least in part, set back by the president’s own comments.

Pathetic FDA!

Bet it can’t even drink a glass of water with one hand, or walk down a ramp without serious difficulty. AMERICA DESERVES BETTER!!!

Imagine what she’ll negotiate if he’s re-elected.

She’ll be worth the entire GDP of Slovenia.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To pose with a Bible in front of St John’s Church.

(Via my friend Martin Krygier.)

The Genius of the Carpathians (as UD calls him, in a nod to one of his predecessors, Nicolae Ceaușescu) must be sweating insult-pellets this morning.

First he had to crap all over Jim Mattis; now, hours later, he has to strain to shit out a second doodoo, over John Allen. Fucking military heroes!

[T]he president … tweeted that he intended to designate [antifa] a terrorist organization—never mind that he has no authority to designate any domestic movement as such. Those of us who’ve looked closely at homegrown violent extremism do, in fact, agree that a domestic terrorism statute should exist. And were such a statute to come into being, the obvious targets for designation as domestic terrorists are, first and foremost, violent white supremacist groups and individuals who provide material assistance to these groups. And even if antifa is found to fit the statute as well, let me be clear: White supremacists have murdered, lynched, tortured, terrorized, oppressed, and discriminated against black Americans from the beginning of the idea of America. They have killed black Americans by the thousands, often in the most horrific ways imaginable. Far more damage to the United States has come from these terrorists—fascists, Klansmen, and neo-Nazis, all feeling newly empowered today—than those who have opposed them.

The President Sings his King Song.

Sing along.

If I were King of the Nation — not queen, not duke, not prince.
My regal robes of the Nation, would be satin, not cotton, not chintz.
I’d command each thing, be it fish or fowl.
With a woof and a woof and a royal growl.
As I’d click my heel, all the trees would kneel.
And the mountains bow and the bulls kowtow.
And the sparrow would take wing – If I – If I – were King!

Each network would show respect to me. Reporters genuflect to me.
Though my tongue would lash, I would show compash
For every underling!
If I – If I – were King!
Just King!
Monarch of all I survey — Mo–na-a-a–a-arch of all I survey!

Your majesty, if you were King, you wouldn’t be afraid of anything?
Not nobody! Not no how!
Not even a coronavirus?
Impossirirus!
How about a Constitutionus?
Why, I’d thrash it from top to boottomus.
Supposing you met an elephant?
I’d wrap him up in sellaphant.
What if it were a brontosaurus?
I’d show him who’s King of the forest!

How!? How!?
Courage.
What makes a king out of an ass? Courage.
What waves the flag on the mast? Courage.
What makes the elephant charge his tusks
In the misty mist
Or the dusky dusk
What makes the muskrat guard his musk?
Courage.
What makes the Sphinx the seventh wonder?
Courage.
What makes the dawn come up like thunder?
Courage.
What makes the Hottentots so hot?
What puts the ape in apricot?
What do they got that I ain’t got?

Courage.

You can say that again.

Will no one rid me of this meddlesome…

scientist?

Varsity Blues or Just Cold Hard Cash: However You Wedge the Kid into Harvard, it can have Deadly Implications.

Kushner was a reportedly mediocre student whose billionaire father appears to have bought him a place at Harvard.

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The original headline on Michelle Goldberg’s piece was JARED KUSHNER IS GOING TO GET US ALL KILLED. Now it’s PUTTING JARED KUSHNER IN CHARGE IS UTTER MADNESS. I guess the first one was a bit over the top.

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Seth Meyers:

Oh, you’re doing your own [ventilator need] projections? Did your parents just buy you a TI-84 [graphing calculator]? … You’re not qualified to do anything, let alone tell New York how many ventilators they need. You’re a nepotism case, and you only got the White House job because you married into the family, and because the security guards believed your fake ID.

‘He pulled all the levers — the Hannity and Limbaugh disinformation machine — but in the end, even they couldn’t hide the mounting numbers of the sick and the dead. He tried to sell the market on his inverted reality — and this time, the attempt to create reality didn’t quite work, as the market cratered. Epidemics are like that. They are reality at its edgiest. This one finally called the con man’s bluff.’

Andrew Sullivan.

‘”I can’t jump in front of the microphone and push him down,” [Anthony] Fauci told Science Magazine on Sunday after being asked about Trump’s repeated assertions that China could have disclosed the discovery of the coronavirus up to four months ago. The disease first appeared in the central city of Wuhan in December.’

Eventually, everyone who voted for him will be cited for criminal negligence.

Trubu Roi’s 2020 Campaign Slogan: LOCK THE ENTIRE WORLD UP

Campaign song:

Make the world go away
Get it off of my shoulders
Bolton, Kelly, what the hey?
Just make the world go away.
Do you remember when you served me
Before your conscience won the day?
Well if you do, then show some pity
And make the world go away. Make the world go away
Get it off of my shoulders
Say the things you used to say
And make the world go away.

Niche can be a Biche

[The Trump Hotel in Washington DC] has still struggled to fill its rooms. In November, the Washington Post reported that the Trump International had only filled roughly half of its rooms throughout the year and lagged behind competing hotels in its occupancy rate…

It has been put up for sale.

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Wow. That was quick. New name: Bernie Bros’ Vegan Takeout.

Mais où sont les kasowitzes d’antan?

As the president’s current lawyers line up for inspection, UD floods with nostalgia for erstwhile Trump attorney Marc Kasowitz who you have already forgotten existed, damn you, but UD will never forget this man, and she insists you go to this page to recall a time… and what a time…

Trubu Roi

… Trump implored Rex Tillerson, then secretary of state, to help him jettison the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. “It’s just so unfair that American companies aren’t allowed to pay bribes to get business overseas,” Trump whines to a group of aides…

… While visiting Pearl Harbor, according to John F. Kelly, Trump’s former chief of staff, Trump seemed to have no idea what had actually happened there. Throughout he is misinformed and confused while at the same time utterly certain of himself.

… Administration lawyers came up with a nickname for Matthew Whitaker, the former acting attorney general. They called him Mongo, after the illiterate galoot played by Alex Karras in the Mel Brooks movie “Blazing Saddles.”

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