August 29th, 2022
Rub a dub dub, one man in a flub.

It takes a heap o’ scrubbin’ to make Blake Masters’ website less mad. In the good old days, it was “We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad,” and you could put your insane shit right down there on your campaign’s GET TO KNOW BLAKE page; but now that your whackjob thing about NEIN NEIN NEIN NIEMALS KEINE ABORTION and GEORGE SOROS STOLE THE ELECTION doesn’t seem to be working for you vote-wise, it’s time to press DELETE, BACKSPACE, ESC. and anything else that will allow your webmaster to pretend you’re a humane and rational person rather than the caterwauling shit-for-brains you actually are. Good luck with that.

July 12th, 2022
That Y’all and Shut Ma Mouth Land

Ezra Dyer, Car and Driver:

[North Carolina] House Bill 1049 … would allocate $50,000 to destroy free public car chargers.

We’ve simply got to do something about these free public chargers, even if it costs us $50,000! Those things cost tens of cents per hour, when they’re being used…

Critics of this bill might point out that increasing the number of electric cars could actually benefit owners of internal-combustion vehicles, thanks to reduced demand for petroleum products…

[Yes,] electric-car company VinFast is building a 2000-acre factory just up the road that will employ 7500 people, and Toyota is building a battery factory outside Greensboro that’ll employ 1750 people. But let’s remember that House Bill 1049 would also create a job — for the person who goes around and rips out the free public chargers …

May 12th, 2022
Pleading, and pre-trial release: A Guide.

[A Capitol rioter] was scheduled to plead guilty in D.C. federal court Wednesday to a misdemeanor of unlawful picketing or parading in the Capitol but when Judge Emmett Sullivan asked [him] why he wished to plead guilty, he blurted out: “I wanted to go to trial but the prosecutor said if I didn’t go to trial they would put a felony on me so I think this is probably the better route. I believe I’m innocent.”

Sullivan replied that he “can’t take a plea of guilty if you say you’re innocent.”

… As part of the conditions, [Anthime] Gionet must notify the court if he changes his home address but a pre-trial services officer told a judge in October that Gionet had left home in Arizona and moved to Clearwater, Florida without telling anyone.

Officers said they only found out when Gionet had a run-in with local law enforcement over someone apparently throwing cans at his house. Months earlier, his release conditions were tightened over a series of run-ins he had with Arizona police.

A judge declined to revoke his release. Then a month later, Gionet was charged with defacing a Hanukkah display at the Arizona state capitol.

He was also sentenced to 30 days in jail in January for assaulting a bouncer in Scottsdale, Arizona, in 2020 but is appealing it.

January 11th, 2022
There’ll Always be a ‘Bama

A second suit was filed by Representative Eric Swalwell, Democrat of California, against Mr. Trump, his son Donald Trump Jr., Mr. Giuliani and Representative Mo Brooks, Republican of Alabama, accusing them of inciting the mob violence…

Mr. Brooks, who wore body armor onstage at a rally preceding the violence as he told the crowd to “start taking down names and kicking ass,” represented himself at Monday’s hearing after the Justice Department declined to do so…

“This was not to inspire people to attack the Capitol,” he said of his speech.

October 13th, 2021
Awright awright. I was wrong.

I said here that Jon Gruden’s the stupidest person in the world. That was before I met Brandon Fellows, echt Trumpian.

April 28th, 2021
Oh how I’ve missed Andrew Giuliani.

There he is again after all these years, a big ol blowhard just like Pa, and it stirred such memories for UD! When, back in 2008, Duke University threw AG off the golf team cuz he’s no good at the game, he sued. He sued Duke for damages plus a promise that he could use Duke’s golf facilities whenever he wanted for the rest of his life, damn you.

In the lawsuit, he acknowledged that he may have misbehaved in February when he tossed an apple in a teammate’s face, flipped his putter a few feet, threw and broke a club and gunned his engine in a parking lot.

A bunch of other players went to the trouble of writing Andrew an email saying they preferred he not return to the team.

With this promising background, the suit was hilariously thrown out by a judge who alluded to Caddyshack among other popular entertainments.

March 9th, 2021
The delicate Zen of landscaping…
February 5th, 2021
‘Sure, seven … senators [besides Josh Hawley,] including Alabama’s Tommy Tuberville and Kansas’s Roger Marshall, also challenged the [election] results, as did 139 members of the House of Representatives. But Tuberville was schooled by Nick Saban, not John Roberts—the former Auburn coach wasn’t marked for political greatness.’

What a diplomatic way of saying that (using the descriptor of his hometown newspaper) Tommy Tuberville is a real “dumbass.”

February 2nd, 2021
‘GOP Sen. Tommy Tuberville says he doesn’t know anything about Marjorie Taylor Greene because bad weather has prevented him from reading the news’

Sing it.

They asked me what I knew

Of Marjorie and Jews

I of course replied

When a fascist lies

Snow gets in my eyes

February 2nd, 2021
Well, Bucks County, you could have voted for UD’s old friend Scott Wallace…

… in the last congressional election… Actually, quite a lot of you did. It was a close contest. Instead, you let Brian Fitzgerald squeak in. Hope you’re having fun.

January 22nd, 2021
SALT Treaty? Don’t Ask.

“By rejoining the Paris Climate Agreement, President Biden indicates he’s more interested in the views of the citizens of Paris than in the jobs of the citizens of Pittsburgh.” … [In response,] Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wrote: “Nice tweet Sen. Cruz! Quick question: do you also believe the Geneva Convention was about the views of the citizens of Geneva?”

November 10th, 2020
That Fat Racist British Peer…

Sorry. Would refer to him by name instead but don’t know his name.

October 7th, 2020

The head of the Georgia Forestry Commission was busted for stealing a saw at a hardware store while wearing his agency uniform, police said.

Charles “Chuck” Williams, 64, was arrested on Aug. 13 for misdemeanor shoplifting at an Ace Hardware store in Gray, where a surveillance camera caught him a day earlier switching the bar code from a $55.99 saw onto a Silky Sugoi saw worth $109.99 …

Williams, a former member of the Georgia House of Representatives who earned a $165,000 salary as the agency’s director, then paid for the cheaper saw using his credit card while wearing his forestry commission uniform, a cashier told police.

Williams, who was arrested when he returned to the store to speak to a manager, admitted to swapping the price tags, saying “he had done such things in the past and does it for the thrill.”

August 13th, 2020
“[T]he true innovation of Trumpism is a kind of asshole …

… pride.”

Watch and learn.

August 3rd, 2020
Cain Disabled

“Poor Evelyn,” wrote Cecil Beaton on the occasion of his friend Evelyn Waugh’s demise. “Died of snobbery.”

Poor Herman died of stupidity – the sort of stupidity that makes one wonder how he survived for as long as 75 years.

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