November 22nd, 2023
“The vilification of billionaires…”

… about which Leon Cooperman weepingly complained, is nothing. Now they’re profiling them!

Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay said his March 2014 arrest for driving under the influence was a result of prejudice against him for being white and wealthy…

“I am prejudiced against because I’m a rich, white billionaire.” 

People also probably take against him for his tendency toward redundancy (“rich… billionaire”) and his tendency to endanger us all by driving while high as a kite.

 Irsay had the painkillers oxycodone and hydrocodone as well as alprazolam, which is used to treat anxiety, in his system at the time of his arrest. Officers on the scene said he had trouble reciting the alphabet and failed other field sobriety tests.

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Get yours today.

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And UD pledges to be kinder to this much-misunderstood demographic.

July 26th, 2023
lolololol

 LEWIS tipped both O’CONNOR and WAUGH and encouraged them to trade based on material, non-public information.  In one instance, LEWIS gave O’CONNOR and WAUGH loans, each worth $500,000, so they could buy a company’s stock before the public release of favorable clinical results.  In connection with that loan, O’CONNOR texted a friend to buy the stock, told the friend the “Boss is helping us out and told us to get ASAP,” and assured the friend that “All conversations on app is encrypted so all good.  No one can ever see.” 

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Wow. You know you’ve made it when your bail is set at $300 million.

May 2nd, 2023
‘Last Saturday, the economist Dean Baker wrote on Twitter that First Republic’s [CEO] got paid $9.2 million last year and Silicon Valley Bank’s [CEO] was paid $9.9 million. “Is that the market price for someone to send your bank into bankruptcy? I’m pretty confident that I can send a bank into bankruptcy, and I would be willing to do it for half the pay.”’ 

Bankrupt, and drop dead GORGEOUS.

April 7th, 2023
What’s the Matter with Wharton?

I told you it’s hard to keep up.

Even if, like UD, you really try.

Asked for a reaction, one Wharton insider said: “We clearly need to search our soul. But we haven’t got a soul.”

April 1st, 2023
U Penn proudly notes that our first indicted president is a Wharton grad.

But surely the school knows that Wharton has produced REAMS of indicted businesspeople. You can get a start on the honor roll on this blog. UD decided a few years ago to keep track of jailed Wharton grads (start with the Dec. 28, 2017 post), but she couldn’t keep up.

March 2nd, 2022
Quadimist

Mr. Ng’s lawyers have attacked Mr. Leissner’s credibility, calling him a two-time bigamist — a description that Mr. Leissner acknowledged was true.

February 6th, 2022
‘To pursue payment for some of the fraudulent surgeries when they were not paid, TMI filed claims of $10,931,237 against the Desert Sands Unified School District; $4,199,862 against the Palm Springs Unified School District; $1,341,519 against the City of Palm Springs; and $256,782 against the California Highway Patrol, according to court documents.’

Now see that’s the part I’ll never understand. You’re running a vast, multi-million dollar criminal enterprise against the United States government. If you get caught, the prospect of your ever getting out of jail is dim. And yet when some entity at some point in your complex shakedown process refuses payment, YOU SUE THEM.

Does it not occur to you that it would be better to take this or that secondary loss and keep your head down?

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Reminds UD of MIT’s sainted Dean Gabriel Bitran. He had a great criminal enterprise going until he and his son CONTACTED THE SEC.

The scheme was uncovered by the United States Securities and Exchange Commission when, while investigating potential victims of the Bernie Madoff fraud, SEC officials asked for documentation to support the Bitrans’ returns claims. The Bitrans then made false statements to the SEC examiners and provided fabricated records.

Ja, ja, the common thread here is mindless bottomless promiscuous depraved and degenerate GREED. I get it. Not one cent that you’ve earned through unnecessary surgeries or investor swindling must be allowed to slip through your hands. And by the way if Madoff money is being handed out, you’re damned well going to get some. Etc.

The criminal mind certainly has its … caesuras. I mean, no one is perfect – I get that, too – but you’d think veteran villains would avoid making unforced errors.

February 4th, 2022
Laurence Doud: Not only the inaugural winner of the New York Pharmacists Society Lifetime Achievement Award, but the inaugural CEO recipient of a life in prison sentence for drug distribution.

It’s hard to put the big guys away (just ask John Hammergren), but they did just get Laurence Doud, and that ain’t chopped opioids.

He got the pharmacist award the same year he was indicted, which means that the Pharmacists Society has now had, uh, five years to stop boasting about him.

The criteria for this award is very selective and discerning… He has provided creativity, innovation, and moral support for decades to his true passion: pharmacy. Doud also received an Honorary Doctorate from Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Science in 2016.

That’s six years the Albany College has had to mull its decision to honor CEO Inmate Number One.

January 23rd, 2022
Empty Seats at Empty Cessnas

Les Suissérables


There’s a grief that can’t be spoken
There’s a pain goes on and on
Empty jets and covid breaches
Now António’s dead and gone


He diverted to the Maldives

Just to have some harmless fun
And the bank paid for the Cessna
Which is — just the way it’s done…

But then nasty jealous voices

Spilled the beans on Chairman Tón
They objected to his privilege
And his seats at Wimbledon


I can hear his weeping now!

The very rules that he had broken
Became his last communion
On his final private flight
At dawn


‘Credit Suisse, oh Suisse, forgive me
That I drained you and am done
There’s much more I could have taken
But those dreams are dead and gone’


Phantom pilots at the cockpit
Phantom stewards at the door
Empty seats on empty Cessnas
Where António sits no more

November 19th, 2021
I hope you’re following the Moshe Porat trial.

The brazen, inexhaustible nature and variety of his mendacity is something to see. When you read what he does and says, having been caught making up numbers for Temple University’s business school in order to score a US News number one ranking, you have to admire the sheer endurance/agility/creativity of his lying.

When caught by Temple administrators, he simply says Give me more time. I can fix it back. Now in a court of law, he has blamed all of his assistants, who turn out to be vicious prevaricating scum, for the wrongdoing.

For sure, his next move will be to announce to the court that he is profoundly mentally and physically ill, cannot be held responsible for anything he’s ever done, and needs to go home and lie down.

October 21st, 2021
Seventeen years in prison meets ten years in prison.

In this 2010 photograph, entrepreneur Shawn Baldwin, 2015 recipient of the Boy Scouts of America Whitney M. Young Jr. Service Award, stands next to Michael Milken. Milken was sentenced to ten years and fined 600 mill for violating securities laws, while Baldwin was just sentenced to seventeen years for doing a Bernie Madoff.

UD thinks it’s always nice to get a sense of the real people behind these posed, expensive suit, MBA-type photos…. I mean, who are these people, really? Once you get to know them, they’re just like you and me!

October 8th, 2021
‘This Article is More Than 2 Years Old’

Yeah I know but if you read it alongside this article, a mere babe at twenty-four minutes old, it spices up somewhat the dully predictable guilty sentence that America’s own Jay Gatsby – John Wilson, Harvard MBA – just received for bribing people and lying through his teeth to get not one, not two, but THREE of his rich, dim, klutzy spawn into fancy universities. Because Wilson himself is no stranger to … uh…

Says he played football at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute. No record of it.

‘[S]ales quadrupled during Wilson’s tenure [at Staples, but] did not come close to the “10X” growth he touts. Over the same period, net income increased by 481 percent, according to the securities filing, not 800 percent.’

‘Wilson claims in his online resume that his success at Staples led him to be “selected by CFO magazine in 1994 as one of the Top 50 CFOs in the United States.” The magazine’s editor-in-chief, Vincent Ryan, was unable to find any record of Wilson’s recognition in the publication’s archive.’

Getting tired of quoting. There’s more.

December 2nd, 2020
Should the non-profit sector consort with “the banality of evil, MBA edition”?

No. Duh.

But it still will, of course.

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And then there’s the federal government:

“McKinsey’s abhorrent conduct also demands that Congress consider broader action. McKinsey earns billions of dollars from contracts with the federal government. No firm that proposes paying kickbacks for overdose deaths should receive a single cent from U.S. taxpayers.”

November 28th, 2020
“No other corporation distributed more opioids in those years than [John] Hammergren’s McKesson … Over his first 16 years as CEO, notes Bloomberg, Hammergren pocketed $781 million. His final months in the McKesson chief executive suite brought that total near $800 million. Upon his retirement, he walked away with a pension package worth $138.6 million.”

Massively fatal drug distribution, to alter the quotation slightly, been berry, berry good to John Hammergren, whose rancid immorality has been cleaned up nice and good by outfits like CSIS, which allowed him to buy his way onto its board of trustees.

Every now and then an article appears that brings back the beautiful Hammergren way of life, in which you direct floods of killing substances into clueless hollers in West Virginia and suck up hundreds of millions of dollars for yourself while everyone dies and entire municipalities wither.

Yesterday’s New York Times told of a recommendation by the consultancy McKinsey that Purdue (Hammergren’s now-notorious supplier) keep the drugs flowing like crazy, and its distributors happy, by handing them cash whenever someone in their distribution territory overdosed. Overdoses after all are so… awkward. So unpleasant. So… actionable? I mean, a lot of these people die. Some of them have very compellingly grieving mothers who talk to newspapers and attorneys and all.

It’s the old drug dealer problem: You want addicts of course, cuz that’s where your big reliable bucks come from; but you don’t want dead or spasming or frothing at the mouth or almost dead addicts. You want nice functional non-deadbeat addicts. McKinsey’s solution to growing numbers of dead and dying addicts that might make the distributors… uncomfortable… is to compensate them for each and every OD. A good faith gesture:

If you’re a pharmaceutical-company CEO who is making an opioid that is killing people, you already know it’s a problem, and you already have a pretty good idea of how you have to handle it. You hire a firm like McKinsey, in this hypothetical scenario, to make it look as if you’re not the one coming up with the unsavory options. It gives you some numbers and some options on paper (actually, at least traditionally, a hardbound blue book). It also gives you plausible deniability. “I didn’t come up with this idea, Your Honor. It was the consultants!”

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“How do the C.E.O.s of these companies sleep at night?” Bob Ferguson, Washington’s attorney general, said at a recent news conference.

Sleep at night? John Hammergren, from his CSIS perch, is currently handing out how-to-stay-healthy tips to the American public. Take long walks, try the Mediterranean diet, and cram twenty oxys a day down your gullet.

April 18th, 2020
To help get you through these…

… dark covid days (altering a Joni Mitchell phrase here), the Economist promises many corporate scandals once they’re over.

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