May 19th, 2025
‘[Elie] Schwartz agreed to vacate his Manhattan penthouse that he bought for $18M in 2018… While it ha[s] been listed for $19M, Schwartz and his family have refused to leave. The bankruptcy judge overseeing the settlement on Wednesday ordered the Schwartzes to leave the premises by May 21 or pay $10K a day in contempt fines.’

Taking a page from Diddy’s book, this bigtime thief announces he’s now all about “intense religious study, community service and therapy,” so he should only suffer a touch of probation rather than the heavy jail time he richly deserves.

“Schwartz’s greed was boundless.” US District Attorney, Georgia.

And as to whether, day after tomorrow, he’ll actually get his ass out of his 19 million dollar penthouse, what do you think? A liar who has reneged on every promise he ever made… Leave? Not leave? Cough up those daily contempt fines? Hm… hm… “Even though it was put on the market last year for $19M, attorneys … wrote in bankruptcy court filings that Schwartz, his wife and children continued to live there, preventing any genuine attempts at a sale. It has since been taken off the market.”

“He never closed on [promised business] deals and instead drained roughly $54M from [clients] to spend on personal expenses, luxury watches.” One of the watches was a $120K Grönefeld 1941 Remontoire.

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UPDATE: Schwartz, the Brooklyn-born real estate investor, had more than a dozen supporters in the courtroom, who let out a gasp when [the judge] issued [a] seven-year, three-month sentence.

GASP — A person who stole 54 million dollars GETS PRISON TIME???

March 31st, 2025
One of the trials UD is following…

… (it’s long since over, the murderer put away for life) features the testimony of Cynthica Schulz, a lost soul who has lived rough for the last six years, and who believes cell phones are poisoning her.

Despite her mental frailty, she was a sharp and articulate witness — before she fell apart, she was a school teacher in California.

Schulz lives alone in a remote state park sometimes, and she had the terrible misfortune of discovering the murder victim in one of them. More trauma for an already traumatized person.

To which we can add giving lengthy testimony about the body. She wept quietly throughout.

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But okay here’s what got to UD.

As Schulz took the stand, the judge said We know you have difficulty with certain devices, so I’ve already asked everyone in the room to turn phones, etc., off, and I’m repeating that request now for anyone who didn’t hear my earlier request. Please everyone turn all your devices off. Thank you. We can proceed.

Schulz thanked her, and UD teared up, thinking about human vulnerability and human kindness.

March 29th, 2025
‘Javice founded Frank soon after graduating from the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Business.’

Another feather in Wharton’s financial criminals hat!

Background on this remarkable school here.

November 26th, 2024
Dirty Under Thirty

The Forbes 30 Under 30 list has become a meme in the past few years as a few of the honorees have found themselves indicted on fraud. The Forbes-to-Fraud pipeline includes FTX founder Sam Bankman-Fried and Caroline Ellison, co-CEO of Alameda Research; fintech Frank founder Charlie Javice; and “Pharma bro” Martin Shkreli.

Add Joanna Smith-Griffin.

June 6th, 2024
I, UD, present…

IUD.

June 2nd, 2024
The new heroine of the pronatalist movement in the US and around the world is Lauren Bobert…

… whose masturbation of her partner in a public theater is the kind of civic activity we need to see more of if we are going to avoid the coming demographic disaster.

Bobert has inspired the movement’s new slogan – IT’S THE HANDJOBBERY, STUPID! – which has begun appearing on t shirts and bumper stickers as the pronatalists seek to draw Americans’ attention to quick and easy steps toward insemination.

February 10th, 2024
Know Hope

[O]n Wednesday, the Brevard County [Florida] school board held a meeting, in part to discuss a challenge to the books The Kite Runner and Slaughterhouse-Five. Only one Moms for Liberty member showed up.

All the other attendees spoke in favor of keeping the books on the shelves—and heavily criticized the parental rights organization. One attendee compared “the growth of the Taliban and its repressive autocracy in the name of religious nationalism” in The Kite Runner to “the rise of parental rights groups that want to limit what students learn.”

December 15th, 2023
The IMF sure knows how to pick ’em.

Sixteen percent of its directors have been crooks. During the glory years (2004 – 2011) they went from Rodrigo Rato, soon to start another jail term, to Dominique Strauss Kahn.

Has the IMF ever issued a statement distancing itself from its mafia? UD doesn’t think so. Why not?

Has Berkeley’s Haas School of Business, which long touted Rato’s having graduated from the school, ever issued any kind of statement acknowledging his crimes? Again, UD doesn’t think so. All over the web you can find them praising their Frankenstein. Don’t you think the school should say something official? Or maybe it doesn’t care.

December 13th, 2023
Robert Reich Goes There

 … The major job of today’s university presidents is to solicit money, and their largest targets are typically denizens of Wall Street.

For the same reason, boards of trustees are packed with wealthy alumni, often from the Street, who routinely veto candidates for university presidents harboring views they find offensive.

But not until now have major donors so brazenly used their financial influence to hound presidents out of office for failing to come out as clearly as the donors would like on an issue of campus speech or expression.

As a Jew, I cannot help but worry, too, that the actions of these donors will fuel the very antisemitism they claim to oppose – based on the perilous stereotype of wealthy Jewish bankers controlling the world.

November 22nd, 2023
“The vilification of billionaires…”

… about which Leon Cooperman weepingly complained, is nothing. Now they’re profiling them!

Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay said his March 2014 arrest for driving under the influence was a result of prejudice against him for being white and wealthy…

“I am prejudiced against because I’m a rich, white billionaire.” 

People also probably take against him for his tendency toward redundancy (“rich… billionaire”) and his tendency to endanger us all by driving while high as a kite.

 Irsay had the painkillers oxycodone and hydrocodone as well as alprazolam, which is used to treat anxiety, in his system at the time of his arrest. Officers on the scene said he had trouble reciting the alphabet and failed other field sobriety tests.

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Get yours today.

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And UD pledges to be kinder to this much-misunderstood demographic.

July 26th, 2023
lolololol

 LEWIS tipped both O’CONNOR and WAUGH and encouraged them to trade based on material, non-public information.  In one instance, LEWIS gave O’CONNOR and WAUGH loans, each worth $500,000, so they could buy a company’s stock before the public release of favorable clinical results.  In connection with that loan, O’CONNOR texted a friend to buy the stock, told the friend the “Boss is helping us out and told us to get ASAP,” and assured the friend that “All conversations on app is encrypted so all good.  No one can ever see.” 

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Wow. You know you’ve made it when your bail is set at $300 million.

May 2nd, 2023
‘Last Saturday, the economist Dean Baker wrote on Twitter that First Republic’s [CEO] got paid $9.2 million last year and Silicon Valley Bank’s [CEO] was paid $9.9 million. “Is that the market price for someone to send your bank into bankruptcy? I’m pretty confident that I can send a bank into bankruptcy, and I would be willing to do it for half the pay.”’ 

Bankrupt, and drop dead GORGEOUS.

April 7th, 2023
What’s the Matter with Wharton?

I told you it’s hard to keep up.

Even if, like UD, you really try.

Asked for a reaction, one Wharton insider said: “We clearly need to search our soul. But we haven’t got a soul.”

April 1st, 2023
U Penn proudly notes that our first indicted president is a Wharton grad.

But surely the school knows that Wharton has produced REAMS of indicted businesspeople. You can get a start on the honor roll on this blog. UD decided a few years ago to keep track of jailed Wharton grads (start with the Dec. 28, 2017 post), but she couldn’t keep up.

January 21st, 2023
 Now he’s back in my arms again / Right by my side / I got him back in my arms again / So satisfied

The hottest $1.3 billion thief EVER is BAAAAAAACK. The man who masterminded the “largest single criminal health-care fraud” in DOJ history got his ass out of jail thanks to his BFF Donald Trump’s pardon, but HUUUGE UD crush Philip Esformes [earlier posts here] is now back in court and I can’t wait to see him again!

Not just cuz he’s cute as hell w/ his Florida tan and late model sports cars, but because he’s done it all. The Medicare fraud was – for those of us who know and … well…. stalk this sex god – nothing. Nothing! Big Phil’s a crook in every conceivable way. You go ahead and name the crime, he’s… well, he hasn’t done the time, because of Trump, but he’s def. done the crime! I’m too old and tired to name them all (and them’s only the ones we know about), but on top of ALL THAT, Esformes is a staggeringly pious Orthodox Jew who always makes a point of giving some of his stolen loot – acquired through the pain and suffering of generations of old people – to Orthodox causes. If you’ve followed the endemic criminality of large swathes of Orthodoxy on this blog, you know that Phil is just a drop in the bucket. But what a drop! Adorable. And coming soon to a court near you.

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