November 29th, 2023
Well I mean duh.

Ryan Fournier, one of the founders of Students for Trump, was arrested last Tuesday on assault charges in North Carolina … Fournier, 27, was accused of assaulting a woman identified as his girlfriend, “grabbing her right arm and striking her in the forehead” with a handgun

Isn’t something like this more or less a rite of passage for this super-Christian demographic? Along with fraud, driving over the speed limit, and drunk driving? UD’s gonna assume this latest thing happened cuz godly Fournier got hisself way fucked up one night and reached for the nearest household appliance.

November 28th, 2023
‘Neighbors Shocked by Shooting near Dulles 28 Centre in Sterling’

That’s a headline you don’t see every day. Which neighbors was it? The couple that just moved here from Singapore?

November 21st, 2023
“All indications are that the students were firing at targets and not people.”

Whew! Two Cal Poly students basically spent part of an afternoon, last week, strolling the campus and shooting various guns into occupied buildings and at street signs and at anything else that caught their fancy. But in a bit of luck they had not yet started shooting people (their activities were pretty quickly reported to the police), so that’s good! That’s great!

“During a search of the students’ on-campus residences, police located and confiscated additional weapons and ammunition.” Well I mean of course and I’m sure all indications are that the students are NOT amassing an arsenal for an eventual mass slaughter and this is nothing to worry about. Just a coupla kids.

As for professors: UD would have loved to be on the search committee that decided a permanently disbarred thief who packs loaded heat on campus would be just the thing for the students at Santa Rosa Junior College.

November 20th, 2023
A truly iconic American scene…

plays out in Walmart (where else) as we contemplate our many blessings. An ordinary mom in ordinary Ohio searches the shelves for Thanksgiving decorations while her two year old sits in the shopping cart figuring out how to shoot the loaded Taurus PT92 9mm stainless pistol he found in her purse.

It’s such classic Americana that it calls to mind the famous Norman Rockwell painting, “The Runaway” (1958), in which the policeman leans over to the runaway to say Fine kid but take my gun with you.

Back to the Walmart: The baby shoots at the ceiling and mom’s pissed cuz that thing cost close to six hundred dollars and the reason she’s shopping at a discount outlet is that she’s bought like five of them plus other more expensive firepower plus ammo ain’t cheap and if the cops get wind of this she stands to lose the guns at least temporarily and she still owes around five thou on them all.

Of course she’s proud the kid took the hint and started sharing the gunny life with mom (“Shootin before he can walk“) and she certainly had a laugh when she saw all the shoppers around her scatter! “HAHA he’s just a baby he don’t got no sense of direction chill out.”

And fuck now they’re arresting her and talkin nuts about child endangerment (he only got a itty bitty head wound for godsake) and … ok you can have the kid but gimme back my guns.


Of course, this particular scene in Walmart is nothing:

Walmart Speaks Out After Two Mass Shootings Occur at Stores Within 24 Hours

There’s a whole lot more going on in your Walmart every day besides a two year old shooting a Taurus!

November 15th, 2023
‘In the weeks before the classroom shooting, [Deja] Taylor’s firearm was also involved in a separate shooting, prosecutors said. An unreturned U-Haul truck rented by Taylor was found with the passenger rear window broken, and text messages between Taylor and her son’s father revealed she shot at her son’s father after seeing his girlfriend…’

Guns: A thousand and one uses!

November 14th, 2023
“Within the last two years it’s been gunshots, fights, gunshots and more gunshots,” a nearby business owner said. “We’ve found unconscious people bleeding out in the parking lot and we’ve had to call EMS.”

The American nightclub.

November 4th, 2023
Airmont, NY: You really know how to pick ’em.

The town’s “deputy mayor has been sentenced to eight months in federal prison,” onaccounta LOOK AT THEM PICTURES. Vast unregistered arsenal stashed in his basement.

[He] admitted before Rockland Judge Larry Schwartz to two counts each of third-degree criminal possession of a weapon: silencers, assault weapons, and high-capacity magazines...

The District Attorney’s Office said Downey admitted possessing a Colt Carbine semi-automatic rifle and an Aero Precision semi-automatic rifle; Surefire LLC and an Advanced Aramet Coro M4-2000 silencers; and two large-capacity feeding devices: Magpul magazines that could hold more than 10 rounds of ammunition.


His comment to the authorities had a nice Dr Strangelove spin:

[He] told … agents he believed he was permitted to modify short-barrel rifles. His reasoning was he was a peace officer…

You know… that scene where President Merkin Muffley says “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!”

November 3rd, 2023
Louisiana: Killing off the next generation.

The biggest bloodbath in the United States isn’t skimping when it comes to the kiddies.

November 3rd, 2023
Whaddaya think they’re for?

A gun shop in Osseo [Minnesota] is under fire for an email it sent out promoting ammunition for customers’ “trip to the hood.”

The Osseo Gun Club and Pro Shop sent out the email last week that said “Remember we have 30 rnd mags for your trip to the hood.”

November 2nd, 2023
The Robert Card Memorial…

gift offer!

November 2nd, 2023
And while you’re vacationing in …

Albuquerque, don’t forget to visit Flix Brewhouse!

October 31st, 2023
Sing it

Just a baby’s gun at twilight
That dad forgot to stow
Her baby years have ended here
With the gun she found at twilight

Dad’s sad to know
His precious little tot
Picked up his gun and shot

After saying “Goodnight, Mama”
She climbed upstairs
Quite unaware
And said her prayer:

“Oh, kindly tell my daddy that he must take care”

That’s a baby’s prayer at twilight
From up in heav’n somewhere

October 30th, 2023
“People have other irrational fears, like a fear of guns,” he said. “Dealing with that is a job for mental health professionals and not for me.”

There’ll always be a Montana.

October 30th, 2023
But he’s an American! This is worse than the death penalty.

The conditions for the “bind-over” order include abstaining from possessing firearms and ammunition for 24 months.

October 27th, 2023
It’s the sort of thing that happens in the most murderous state in America.

A university football player in Louisiana is shot to death, so traumatizing his team that the coach calls off the rest of the season and then resigns.

The thing about constant gun deaths is that eventually everything around them gets shut down. As we speak, Lewiston Maine is shut down; all of its citizens are crouching inside their houses. People in bloody Albuquerque routinely avoid public places. And Louisiana! Don’t get no bloodier than Louisiana.

Not hard to see that in a few years what UD calls Munitions Migration will occur on a large scale here. Of course individuals have always moved away from bullet-riddled neighborhoods in search of safety; I’m talking about a large social trend involving massive flight from fully gunned-up landscapes.

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