A dispatch from America’s Number One Party School.

Despite Alexander Broughton’s ongoing legal effort to clear his fraternity’s name (see the famous video of Broughton and his attorney at the link), the University of Tennessee has shut down Pi Kappa Alpha — a significant setback for wine enemaists at UT. (Scroll down for background.)

Broader reforms have come to all UT frats in the wake of the butt-chugging incident, including mandated live-in house directors. “With friends like these,” said Marilee Studevort, vice-president of student life, “you don’t need enemas.”

Okay, I made up that last thing.

I dunno. UD likes this bucolic/high tech image, this meld of Outer Lafayette and a crop of keyboards…

But as ye sow so shall ye reap. This grotesque dumping is what you’re reduced to when you’ve been caught breaking into your professors’ offices and into their computers and changing the grades you got in their courses.

F grades were changed to As or Bs, Cs were changed to As, and even As were changed to A-plusses.

What the hell. Go all the way.

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If this sort of thing catches on, maybe some local farm can advertise itself as a keyboard dump. Set aside a field. Charge twenty dollars a keyboard.

College hijinks, people!

Just like over in Richmond.

… nothing?

… are enough for public health officials to declare an outbreak there.

A large alumni reunion will take place nonetheless; participants are being cautioned to wash their hands a lot, avoid kissing everyone in sight, etc.

Parsing moral responsibility at Arizona State University is a subtle thing.

Yes, fraternity members encouraged a classmate to drink himself to death…

On the other hand, when he started to die they dropped him at the local hospital…

Even more nobly, before they abandoned him in the lobby one student taped a piece of paper onto his body with information about how much he’d had to drink. The world will little note, nor long remember, exactly what the student wrote, but it can never forget what he did …

Similarly, after an exploding beer bottle someone threw into a bonfire badly burned two women, ASU students “helped extinguish the girls’ flaming skin.” Then they “kicked them out of the party to avoid getting into trouble.”

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These are the sorts of moral scenarios philosophy professors like to use in their classrooms. They’re stories with a rich ambiguity that can provoke valuable discussion.

After cheering while a friend drinks himself to the point of death, should you

1. put him away in a room to die or sleep it off?
2. take him to the hospital?
3. put clothes on him? (he only had on a bathing suit)
4. stay long enough to talk to a doctor or nurse?
5. abandon him?
6. stick a note on him and then abandon him?

After setting off an explosion that grievously injures two people, should you

1. douse their flames?
2. throw them out into the night?

Now why would you do that?

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“[T]wo of the three roomates were already in custody over immigration violations…”

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More details:

Two students from New Bedford, Massachusetts, have been arrested on charges of making false statements to investigators and conspiracy to obstruct justice, according to a federal law enforcement source with firsthand knowledge of the investigation. … The students are originally from Kazakhstan and were already in custody on immigration charges, according to another source with knowledge of the immigration case. The third is a U.S. citizen, the federal law enforcement source said.

More details. They certainly sound idiotic enough to have had some connection.

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What are friends for?

Three students displeased with the University of Ottawa med school decided to sue it. For one hundred and fifty million dollars.

Howsomeever, a Superior Court judge decided that depriving generations of Canadians of medical care by bankrupting a medical school was a tad over the top.

Far as I can tell, two of the three are still enrolled in the school. A bit awkward…

You put all the people who come to help you or who just happen upon you at serious risk. The method is appealing because it’s easy to mix the household material, and death comes fast and reliably.

Even if, like a student at Rensselaer Polytechnic this morning, you leave notes in your dorm room warning people off, exposure to others may well happen.

Six people were treated at a hospital; a hazmat unit spent hours cleaning up the building.

The bombs hit university students hard.

An unnamed Boston University graduate student has died.

… then you’re just not my type.

Penn State. If there are other students there like Mary Krupa, there’s hope for the place.

… has had major drug issues lately (scroll down for posts about the drug scandal) is bad news indeed. The grandson of T. Boone Pickens, a student at Texas Christian University, has died, reportedly of a heroin/Xanax overdose.

… die in a nightclub fire there.

… stand for all. Let this soul, dead in his bed from heroin and alcohol, represent all of the students who, this academic year, will drug to oblivion.

Not far from graduating from Oklahoma State, he’d been a wrestler in high school, and the autopsy notes his hardiness. “The body is that of an unembalmed, well developed, well nourished white male appearing consistent with the reported age of 22 years.”

The language of the autopsy is somehow beautiful.

The body is clad in a white hospital gown.

Needle marks are noted; a fatty liver. He had been in a hospital before, for toxicity, but this time had been too much.