… and nobody came.

Poor Rutgers.

Read this. How are you doing? Do you have your Petrino and Pitino under control? Have you been able to add Ecarma and keep the balls in the air, or are there too many slimy coaches at UL for you to get a grip on? Do you understand why some of the slime has been bought out while some is fired with cause, generating zillion dollar lawsuits against the university?

But, er, what about the lawsuit UL has filed against its last president, UD?

Gevalt! One thing – three things – at a time.

Fans used to kill each other; now they go right for the players.

Return with me now to those glory days at one of this country’s establishments of higher learning, when Rick got down on his knees and begged Sebastian Telfair to gain his education at the University of Louisville. Telfair said yes! I will pursue my scholar/athlete career at your fine school, playing basketball, living in a university-provided brothel, and giving a big ol’ fuck you up the ass to my fake classes, all on the taxpayers’ dime — and the people of Kentucky could not have been more grateful and excited. To make matters even more wonderful, sports-mad James Ramsey, who would go on to become the nation’s highest paid public university leader by the simple expedient of stealing everything at UL that wasn’t nailed down, had just been appointed UL president!

Truly the stars were aligned at this fine school which some have taken, cruelly, to calling the U of Smell.

And now… Ladies and gentlemen of the jury! as Humbert would say: Look at this tangle of thorns.

Rick had to be gotten rid of because of sex, recruiting, financial and anything else you’d like to add scandals. Reduced to coaching Greek basketball, where the chain smoking, flame throwing fascists in the stands turn every game into a terrifying slaughter (holy shitkos), he is currently suing UL for forty million dollars haha nahnah got you you’ll pay up the ass for being mean to me while I was building a winning team even though we had to vacate all our wins cuz they was SO SO SO dirty. I’ll get you back, UL.

President Ramsay was forced to resign in disgrace for the aforementioned larceny plus overseeing the most pornographic sports program in the United States. UL’s suing him to try to get a few tens of millions back (it’s all been plowed into multifarious mcmansions up and down the Florida coast), and the latest on that is that during his reign Ramsay apparently told the then-chair of the board of trustees that a fellow trustee had bankrolled the brothel for the boys!! I do declare (fanning my lace stays with my perfumed hankie), it takes a whole lot for UL to do anything that would generate italics, bolding, and double exclamation marks, but this school constantly exceeds expectations.

… Uh, where we were? Oh, the hotly recruited Telfair... He was last seen ranting like a madman in court, where he was sentenced to prison for carrying spectacular weaponry (‘three loaded handguns, a submachine gun, ammunition, extended magazines and a ballistic vest’) in his car.

Ringside fun for everyone, just a few miles from UD‘s house!

******

They’re dropping like flies! Get to a ring while they’re hot. I mean cold.

Some headlines say it all, huh? And scummy WSU (feast your eyes) is playing all the tricks in the book on this one, like, I don’t know, let’s find some random year – 2023? – and promise that by that year everything’s going to be fine so Shut. Up.

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Really, I just read over my last few years of WSU posts, and it’s … I have no words. Why would anyone have so little self-respect as to be a student there?

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UD thanks Charlie.

Two in two years? Hell, that’s nothin’! It’s Bama, America’s most celebrated university football team. What do you figure the dude makes a year to holler at the boys? 3, 4 hundred thousand? Main strength coach at Bama makes around $600,000…

It’s all-male and all-amazing!

… a $480,000 gift to an administrator fired almost as soon as he started is a drop in the bucket. Behold my recent Rutgers posts. Of course you and I know that the gift is rather in the way of a bribe not to disclose the institutional corruption the guy witnessed. I’m sure he’ll play along.

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Not everyone plays along.

You can’t have a sip of Campari.

It’s hotter than ten Kalaharis.

So tell us Michel.

I mean, what the hell?

Why did FIFA select the Qataris?

Always one of the American university’s most criminalized football teams, the University of Florida Gators have lately outdone themselves. Aaron Hernandez’s Former Florida Teammate Charged With Murder runs a headline, and, yes, believe it or not, the team boasted two future murderers playing side by side! Hernandez killed acquaintances; Earl Joiner allegedly killed his wife. Earl Joiner Becomes Second Florida Gator to be Accused of Murder from 2007 Team notes another headline. Storied team! A school can’t pay for this kind of publicity!

‘The first year of [Richie] Incognito’s retirement was marked by erratic and threatening behavior. This was not the old shirtless barroom rages of his Dolphins years but stuff that suggested serious distress—telling the police that he was “running NSA class level 3 documents through my phone” when they showed up to stop him from assaulting a stranger at a gym, showing up at an Arizona funeral home with a half-dozen guns in his truck and threatening employees after they refused to honor his request that they cut off his late father’s head “for research purposes.” Last Tuesday, Incognito signed a one-year contract with the Oakland Raiders.’

And now for some Freudian (see post below this one) thoughts about human beings and aggression.

‘The NFL has sold football as a shelf-stable retail version of war for generations, and it’s hard to imagine the league ever settling on a more compelling pitch. Humanity has only ever come up with so many ways to justify the fact that people admire and enjoy things that we’re taught should be abhorred, and squaring all these contradictions is not just a problem for [former Bills coach] Rex Ryan, or football. American culture admires bullies more than it dares let on, primarily because Americans are much closer to the edge than they dare admit.’

Seems to UD we’re absolutely fine about letting it on, having elected a bully president. He’ll probably be re-elected.

Some people really like bullies, and the fact’s right out there. The Deadspin writer cautions us that “cruelty and violence are [not] the same thing as strength.” But Incognito’s brilliant career conveys the fact that fans already know that. They just prefer cruelty.

The genius behind Football Leaks “describe[s] the evolution of European soccer from a varied and distinctive game to a corrupt playground for the international élite, in which only the richest, least scrupulous clubs can thrive.”

Makes our college and professional football look pure as the driven snow.

… (all adjectives taken from news headlines) comes roaring back to professional football, which explains to us in an official statement that not all players can be “boy scouts.” University Diaries has followed this mentally ill man from his violent nutso college days to his violent fully ripe grossly insane professional stint, and has always predicted that despite his dangerous madness he will repeatedly (until age and yet more brain disorder make him a throwaway) be taken back by football teams.

As ever, Deadspin has the best take, starting with its headline:

RAIDERS GIVE RICHIE INCOGNITO HIS, WHAT, 50TH CHANCE

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UD thanks John.

[The emergency line] was flooded with calls from disgusted and upset supporters following Collingwood’s 19-point win over arch-rival Carlton.

One fan, Ross, said he’d “never be going to the football again” after being thrown to the ground…

[A] man was also seen “relieving himself” on a police car while leaving the MCG.

There were also reports of spitting and children crying as they were caught up in the mayhem.

Robin, one of those to call 3AW, said she spent the last five minutes of the match trying to break-up fights between fans.

She said it happened in the Carlton members area.

“There were four, full-on fights where people were knocked out,” she said on 3AW Football.

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An eye-witness account.

One star defender is the subject of repeated homophobic abuse, raising the idea of calling the phone number on the scoreboard by which you can report abusive behaviour.

But clearly identifying the source of the remarks in the pack in which the coward is concealed is difficult and, you suspect, alerting the authorities will only inflame an increasingly heated group.

… Where once the overt nature of loud and insistent barracking created some form of self-policing, the friction now seems like the wild, uncontrollable urges of those who have no sense of the consequences of their actions.