SOS is always screaming that at you. Your writing is you. It is extremely revelatory.

Good writers realize this and learn how to control the effect they make. Whatever sort of SOB you may in reality be, you have to learn how to control your prose so as to come across as the sort of person your reader will — let’s say you’re writing a polemical piece — agree with.

Poor writers, like the sap below, cannot help revealing themselves in ways damaging to their argument. Let’s see how they do this.

A former trustee at the University of Connecticut wishes to come to the defense of the university’s basketball coach, the highest-paid public employee in the state, and a motherfucker.

How to do this?

Well, not this way.

*************************************

“I have read and heard with irritation [Lordy, lordy. Just how many times has ol’ SOS told you that emotion is the enemy of argumentation? First sentence! I’m irritated! And who talks like this? What’s the tone? From the very, very start, what’s the tone? Queen Victoria, that’s the tone. Pompous. Vaguely bullying. Way to step up to the plate.] the attacks on the University of Connecticut’s men’s basketball coach Jim Calhoun and his reaction to quizzing about his income, his university-approved outside income opportunities, and a suggestion that he take a cut in salary to aid the university in its current financial crisis.

I would like to provide my perspective on Jim Calhoun and his relationship and importance to the university. [Drop this sentence. Totally unnecessary, and somehow adds to the sense of irritable self-importance.]

During the 1990s, Jim Calhoun was one of the five most valuable individuals in bringing interest to the university and in raising awareness of the value of the university to the state’s economy. [Cruel of the newspaper to run this without edits. Individual is a deadly word, labored and impersonal. And note the vagueness of the repeated word value, and the empty word interest. This is inhuman prose. This is a stiff bureaucrat.] In particular, the successes Coach Calhoun directed on the court have played a pivotal role in the state’s providing $2 billion support to rebuild the University of Connecticut, both physically and academically.

Jim Calhoun is also in the first tier of individuals I’ve known during the past 20 years who have given the most significant portion of their time and resources, including their money, back to UConn. [Individuals again. And it doesn’t matter how much money you give back. It matters how much money you’re overpaid. This is the Massa Saban approach to university life: Give obscene compensation to coaches and then, when the shit hits the fan and they give a little back to save their ass, praise the coach as a great benefactor.] While facing repeated health issues of his own, there has never been a “no” in Jim Calhoun’s vocabulary [Never been a “no.” Writing like this gives everyone health issues. And note the Queen for a Day form of defense here: You bastards are going after a sick man! Yet Calhoun looked mighty strong the other day, when he said no with very little effort to a reporter. No, I won’t return a penny of my compensation to the state. No No. No. Said no a whole lot. Definitely has the word in his vocabulary.] concerning his support of the health center, the cardiology center, the fight against cancer and the battle to overcome autism. [Note the absolutely dead trite language. Battle to overcome autism. Of course, this is about clueless self-importance, too. The writer actually thinks you’re stupid enough to take out your hankie at this point and demand a salary increase for Calhoun.]

I do not curse; so from time to time, I too blanch when Jim expresses his competitiveness and passion in his interaction with his players. [Things are going from worse to worser. We might be able to consider the writer a human being like ourselves, despite his robotic prose, if he cursed. But he doesn’t. Or he feels it’s a clever move to tell us he doesn’t. Interaction goes beautifully with individual in this man’s utterly unreal and unfeeling world.] I have many friends, but I dare say that their friendship and loyalty to me does not exceed the loyalty, friendship, respect and love that is evident from the players who have experienced Jim’s rants as well as his genuine caring. [Just because the Connecticut team is composed of masochists doesn’t mean I should admire their sadist.] From Clifford Robinson to Donyell Marshall to Kevin Ollie to Ray Allen to Rip Hamilton to Caron Butler to Emeka Okafor and all the rest of Huskies from the Calhoun era: Each of their lives and careers have benefited from the contact and mentoring from their coach.

During my tenure as chairman of the board of trustees at UConn, it was vividly clear to me that, from a straight dollar vantage point, Jim Calhoun more than meets the test of value given for dollars received, apart from his giving of his time and money. The investment in Jim Calhoun by the university has been repaid to UConn, and the entire state, many times over.

In 1986, no one believed that Connecticut could become one of the truly elite college basketball programs in the country. The pride that an entire state now possesses because of UConn’s basketball success is priceless. And the entertainment value provided by the Huskies is priceless. [To be sure, every citizen swells with pride because one of its university teams wins games. Also because the team’s coach has been reprimanded by the governor and is the object of hostile legislation from state representatives.]

The national spotlight that basketball success has been able to shine on the words Connecticut and UConn is also priceless. [Well, I suspect Calhoun’s cost will be able to be reckoned. Let’s see what the legislature has to say about it.]

The UConn Athletic Department recently signed important, budget-assisting 10-year agreements with outside contractors in the apparel/footwear (Nike) and corporate partner programs (IMG). Does anyone doubt that the presence of Jim Calhoun as our Hall of Fame, two-time national championship coach played a pivotal role in the desire of those companies to align themselves with UConn athletics? [We can take pride in these commercial arrangements!]

Jim Calhoun has given back and will continue to give back to the University of Connecticut, always providing that “giving” in his own private style. [Quotation marks around “giving” just right, as Calhoun gives the state the finger in his own private style.]”

… before the trash bigtime sports has hauled into the American university literalized itself.

Dennis Kozlowski, Kenneth Lay… and now Stephen Walsh presents a university with a very special problem. How to blast his name off a building?

A University at Buffalo alumnus who has contributed to the college’s athletics department and is a member of the UB Foundation board has been charged with misappropriating more than $500 million in client investments.

… [Stephen] Walsh, a 1966 graduate of UB, is listed among its “Donors of Distinction.” In 2001, he pledged $250,000 to the UB athletics department. Later, the basketball office complex inside Alumni Arena was named after Walsh.

When asked about his involvement with UB, the university released a statement: “Mr. Walsh has been an inactive member of our foundation board since March 2004. Furthermore, we have a policy that prohibits investing funds with any member of our foundation board.”

… all over the place today, making futile arguments against bigtime university football and basketball.

… at the University of Connecticut, whose head coach, captured on Youtube, shows you how to behave.

… because it wants to win games.

Nothing to be done, though. The president used to play basketball.

… when you live near the University of Southern Mississippi football team.

Southern Miss’ all-time rushing leader Damion Fletcher was arrested outside the apartment complex that houses the football team late Sunday night on charges of discharging a firearm inside the city limits.

… Malachi Martin, an adjunct professor who lives on nearby Mable Street, said he heard about 15 gunshots late Sunday night. Martin said he looked out his window to see an unidentified male firing four or five rounds from a handgun into the air.

“I was working on a lesson plan when I heard the first few gunshots,” Martin said. “When I looked out the window I saw a guy standing over there holding something up, then I saw flashes and heard shots that coincided with the flashes.

“The police pulled up and talked to me for a minute or so, then they saw someone moving outside the apartments and flipped on their lights and flew into the parking lot.”

A Hattiesburg Police Department release corroborated Martin’s observation, and said that a small-caliber hand gun was found at the scene.

Fletcher was the team’s leading rusher for the 2008 season with 1,313 rushing yards, and his 4,287 total career rushing yards make him Southern Miss’ all-time leader in that category. He was also named Conference USA Offensive Player of the Year following the 2007 season.

… The incident is just the latest of several involving football players that has taken place since the athletic department approved a measure to move the football team to the off-campus apartment complex on 38th Avenue.

In early October, police responded to gunshots and a report of fighting at the complex, but no arrests were made. Two weeks later, a student’s residence across the street from the apartments was burglarized during a Halloween party, and former Southern Miss running back Torris Magee was arrested and charged with burglary after leading police on a foot-chase….

Not really that big a deal. If you’re a USM professor working on a lesson plan after a certain hour during the weekend, you should probably go someplace else, like the library, or a Starbucks.

But if students from another university are within striking range, our students will attack them.

Ohio State University has Alex Boone.

Jon Wefald may be retiring after 23 years as president of Kansas State University, but he’s apparently ready to try something new before stepping down.

For the first time, Wefald will speak at KSU’s swine profitability conference…

Earlier Wefald posts here.

…[M]ost basketball coaches, including KU’s Bill Self, are opposed to the new NCAA policy [ranking coaches on the basis of the academic progress of their players]. The coaches claim they are being singled out in the grade matter when there are many other factors in determining an individual’s or a team’s academic record. Such factors include faculty, tutors and others on campus who play a role in how a student athlete does in the classroom.

Those favoring the policy point out, however, that having their APR records publicized will make coaches more likely to pay attention to the type of young men they recruit and to the academic abilities of those being recruited.

It is surprising Penn State President Graham Spanier disagrees or questions the NCAA policy, saying the coaches ratings “could have a modest influence.” He added, “realistically, wins and losses weigh most heavily on a coach’s reputation.”

This coming from the president of one of this nation’s major universities. Spanier’s position on this matter lays bare any belief that university presidents and chancellors honestly believe the football and basketball players at their schools really are “student athletes.”

Chancellors and presidents talk a good game, acknowledging the need to rein in the almost runaway spending on Division I collegiate athletics and contending their athletes are students first, not athletes taking customized class loads to advance academically and remain eligible to play.

These pompous university executives want to win on the football field and basketball courts just as much as their alumni do and they want a coach who can deliver wins, full stadiums and fieldhouses and post-season contests. The classroom grades of the players are not as important as their grades on the football fields and basketball courts….

Lawrence Journal-World

The Leadership Institute or whatever [Find it yourself. UD doesn’t link to porn.] at Kansas State has released this fellatial book about the university’s president. It’s certainly true that his leadership style is much in the news. You can read dozens of articles about it this morning. Here’s one.

Wefald regrets error in pact
K-State president says mistake was giving ex-AD lengthy deal

MANHATTAN — Kansas State athletic director Bob Krause once spoke with optimism about the groundbreaking contract extension awarded to his predecessor, Tim Weiser.

… Weiser’s K-State career ended less than three years later, a separation that will cost the university $1.9 million. In light of those events, Krause and university president Jon Wefald now view the 10-year contract as a mistake.

“I can’t over-emphasize the fact that we just made a mistake,” Wefald said Wednesday, a day before details of Weiser’s $1.9 million separation agreement became public. “I’ll openly tell you that.” [We. Note the president’s willingness to take responsibility for what he and he alone has done.]

Wefald said K-State “got caught up in the BCS arms race” when other big-budget schools began expressing interest in Weiser. [Note the president’s lie. Weiser left because Wefald – against his advice – gave tons of money to keep a coach who crapped out on them.]

… “I don’t think we’ll be paying ADs here at Kansas State $700,000 again,” said Wefald, who will retire at the end of the academic year. “Who knows. I’m only going to be the president for another (few months). I’m just speculating about the future, (but) I don’t think you have to pay an AD $700,000 to have a good one.” [Note the president’s continued accountability: I’m outta here! Note the president’s self-alienation: I TOLD you not to pay him that much!]

… At K-State, one of Krause’s first major moves as athletic director was to give football coach Ron Prince a new contract with a larger buyout. That move backfired when the school fired Prince three months later, triggering the $1.2 million buyout clause…

“When you turn staff over, you budget it as a one-time expense,” said Krause, who estimated the school would pay $1.7 million in buyouts to Prince and his coaching staff. “That’s what you’ve got reserves for.” [Hey fuck you. We got a reserve.]

… One K-State donor said he stopped making financial contributions because of the instability within the athletic department, expressing frustrations echoed by K-State student Anika Bergh.

“It angers me because I pay so much money a year to be here and get the education that I want,” said Bergh, a season ticketholder in football and basketball. “To have them throwing away money like that, it just makes me feel like it’s money coming out of my pocket.”

Wefald viewed the settlement as the first step toward a more fiscally responsible strategy, one he said will not include long-term contracts like Weiser’s.

“Sometimes partnerships can’t last that long,” Wefald said. [Note the president lecturing us on how to run a university so that you don’t run it into the ground the way the president did.]

Potato Heads up close.

“During the last nine seasons, the University of Idaho football team has lost 82 of 105 games. Even with its winning seasons as members of the Big Sky conference, its “all-time ranking” is 118 out of 125 schools.

At a Dec. 16 Faculty Council meeting, the chair said it was not fair to pick on any one specific unit of the university during bad times. But when one program has been favored over others for years, then an appeal to equitable treatment is the only principled position.”

A couple of professors write in the University of Idaho newspaper.

… under-attended loser football team at the mediocre American university. Sure, it’s an empty expensive nothingness — but what other game is there in town? Isn’t it cruel of people to suggest that funds should go elsewhere?

But sometimes you have to put aside emotion and ask the sorts of questions Joyce here’s asking in the Springfield News-Leader:

… According to official reports submitted by MSU, its total athletic spending was $13.9 million in 2007-08. The actual total is somewhat greater, but certain outlays are not covered by NCAA and federal reporting rules.

Slightly more than 45 percent of the total was financed by ticket sales, advertising, NCAA Conference distributions and other “student-athlete” generated funds. Only 17.5 percent of athletic spending was covered by private contributions and endowment and investment income.

The remaining 37 percent of athletics spending — $5.2 million — was the program’s deficit. This is the subsidy provided by students and taxpayers. During these times of financial stringency, it becomes increasingly critical for the university to reduce this subsidy and shift limited resources to academic needs.

It was for this reason that [coach] Bill Rowe spoke of the need for his replacement to excel in “fundraising” — i.e., increasing private contributions above 17.5 percent of program costs.

He particularly highlighted the incoming AD’s need to increase “support for the football program.” Reported costs of the football team were $2.4 million in 2007-08, while private donations were $90,510 – only 3.8 percent of total spending. Meanwhile, ticket sales covered only 7.1 percent of football expenses.

Analyzed as a business, well, let’s not go there. The annual football deficit is $1.3 million.

Analyzed as a sport, the team has produced a win/loss record of 50 percent or higher only four times in the past 15 seasons, and once in the current high-profile coach’s three seasons. (His cumulative record is 12-21.)

Analyzed as entertainment, attendance at home games averaged only 8,958 during the 2008 season, despite the fact that students receive free admission. Even so, nearly half of the stadium’s 16,600 seats sat empty. The situation would undoubtedly have been worse if MSU did not suspend its usual rule against alcohol on campus to permit tailgate parties before each game.

Analyzed from a fairness perspective, 56 percent of all MSU students are females, but they are forced to subsidize –through their tuition — this all-male sport. Also, MSU has ongoing problems achieving compliance with the Federal Title IX rules against discrimination in its athletic program. An appreciation for the spirit of Title IX would go a long way in revitalizing the women’s program.

Analyzed from an academic perspective, only a minority of MSU’s football players typically earn college degrees, and the graduation rate is among the lowest of all athletes on campus. Moreover, the program’s $1.3 million annual deficit dissipates scarce resources that could otherwise be available to bolster the university’s academic programs…

Blah blah blah. You’ve heard it all before on this blog. Team eats shit, mainly drunk students at the games, almost no one on the team graduates, program’s bleeding money, what the hell’s going on year after year…

But you know and I know that a boy and his delusions aren’t easily separated. MSU will stay in the game.

… at the University of Texas make?

… [Augie] Garrido, the highest-paid coach in college baseball, received a $160,000 raise this offseason that will bring his annual salary to $800,000. The five-year contract, which begins in September, calls for Garrido’s salary to be increased by at least $50,000 per year, meaning he is scheduled to become the first college coach to make $1 million or more by September 2012.

The contract also states that if Garrido was dismissed from his job, he would receive $300,000 per year for each year left on the contract. However, he would not receive that money if he resigned or was terminated for cause under the university’s “standard of conduct” provisions.

Well, ol’ UD‘s gonna draw on her years of experience with university coaches and make a prediction about that standard of conduct thing. Although UT just suspended him for driving his Porsche drunk as a skunk at one in the morning — he was too wasted to remember to turn on his headlights, which attracted police attention — Garrido, with the help of an attorney, will get that money.

UT probably won’t even try to cite the provision. Fans would be furious.