Tate High Athletic Director Mitch Ashford won’t face disciplinary action from the Escambia County School District despite being arrested this week on charges of larceny and fraud.

Ashford was arrested Wednesday morning by the Santa Rosa Sheriff’s Office, who executed a warrant on behalf of Escambia County. It was the third time in four years that Ashford has been arrested on various charges related to contracting work.

… “We had our attorneys look at it, it’s a civil matter that is not connected to the students or the school district,” said Escambia County School Superintendent Malcolm Thomas. “From what I can see, it’s a non-disqualifying offense. The only way I can suspend an employee is if the offense is a disqualifier.”

… not to use their hands.

The chair of the board of trustees at Baylor University who wrote a now nationally notorious email calling women students who drink alcohol “perverted little tarts” has done his bit to help Baylor know when to fold ’em. Why bother resisting the zillion sex discrimination lawsuits from women students with which that school is now dealing, when every day another high-ranking sexist asshole on campus gets, er, exposed?

People like good ol’ boy Buddy Jones are making these women’s arguments for them, and ain’t nothin Baylor can do but cough up the cash. Again and again and again. There are many of these lawsuits, and Baylor’s almost certainly going to have to settle every one of them.

Why?

Because the claims in them are jaw-droppingly legitimate. And because even if they’re not, Baylor University can’t afford the optics of going to court.

Oh goody. Here’s an opportunity to see which American university decides to recruit a high school football player who has just been arrested for armed robbery.

Cincinnati, Georgia Southern, Georgia State, Memphis, USF… hm… hm… Who will be the winner?

UD says: MEMPHIS!

But ol’ Buddy ol’ pal — echt Wacoan, echt Baylor trustee, echt pious hypocrite (“[Ken] Starr … chronicled frustration with Jones in a recent book. Starr almost resigned in 2011 after Jones made a crude remark about the Baylor Alumni Association at a Baylor football game…”) — inexplicably restricted himself to calling female Baylor students who drank at a party (none, apparently, were underage) “perverted little tarts.”

Then-Baylor University Regent Neal “Buddy” Jones referred to female students he suspected of drinking alcohol as “perverted little tarts,” “very bad apples,” “insidious and inbred” and “the vilest and most despicable of girls” in 2009 emails to a faculty adviser, according to documents filed in a Title IX lawsuit against the university.

Ten alleged sexual assault victims suing Baylor attached the emails in a Friday legal filing to show a culture “using the alcohol policy as a pretext to shame, silence and threaten to expel a female student.”

Cunt and tart are both monosyllabic, and both end in T, but if you want to be president of the United States, not just a former Baylor trustee and current national laughingstock, you’re going to have to go all the way, like Mr. Trump.

****************

Buddy Jones – Bobby Lowder reincarnate – is Baylor. Know what I mean? You wanna know the deep structure, the god’s own truth, of a university, you take a good look at Buddy Jones, moral scold, sexist pig, and his state’s third-biggest water hog. Just like Ken Starr, he’s a walking talking religious hypocrisy doll; and boy do he sure hate women.

Buddy ain’t too bright when it comes to committing his thoughts to email. I mean, he knows enough to ask his correspondents to keep the emails private, but he doesn’t seem to understand the unlikelihood of this approach to privacy working.

In the 2009 correspondence, Jones also asked Davis to remove his name and comments from the email and wrote that his comments “are meant solely for you,” adding that at least one of the women should face expulsion.

Davis responded to Jones that day, saying the photos chronicling an engagement party did not include minors.

**************

So here comes all that correspondence for all of us to read – onaccounta oodles of never-ending Baylor rape trials and their evidence – and we get a good look at what we already knew: Southern sports factories are typically run by endless layers of assholes. The management structure of these schools is like that dim sum dish, thousand layer cake, only here it’s thousand layer assholes. Art Briles, Ken Starr, Buddy Jones – a whole royal asshole family ran Baylor, and now the place is trying to replace them with less assholery, but we’ve got a tradition here, people.

**************

For earlier posts on the asshole triumvirate, go here.

***************

NEW BAYLOR FIGHT SONG

(sing it with me)

Perverted Little Tarts!
Perverted Little Tarts!
Drunk and slutty through the years
Seducing with their arts!
They tempt our jocks and bring them low
Then claim that they were raped
Lord guide us as we courtward go
And pray that nothing got taped.

Darren Carrington, a [University of Oregon] senior wide receiver, was arrested early Saturday morning on misdemeanor DUI charges. Carrington was arrested at 3:15am after his car collided with a McDonald’s drive-thru …

Carrington [broke] a man’s arm the night before Halloween while dressed as The Joker. He failed a drug test before the 2015 National Championship Game and was suspended the first 6 games of last season. In October 2015 he was cited for an open container. [BUT!!!] Carrington had 43 catches and 5 touchdowns last season.

In other words: The kid stays in the picture.

Well, what else would he hang him from?

According to court paperwork, [East Tennessee State University defensive line coach Jeffrey] Brumett threatened to kill, beat, and hang a hotel clerk “from a noose” because his room key card didn’t work… He’s charged with disorderly conduct, assault, and public intoxication.

Sing it with me!

Third Vanderbilt rape;
Third Vanderbilt Vanderbilt rape;
Third Vanderbilt rape;
Third Vanderbilt Vanderbilt rape;
Third Vanderbilt rape;
Third Vanderbilt Vanderbilt rape
Third Vanderbilt rape
Third Vanderbilt Vanderbilt rape.

***********************

For UD‘s many Vanderbilt rape posts,
go here.

UD thanks Keith.

… coach a bit of a hassle.

Louche Louisville again. Yes.

Now Coach Pitino’s guys argued that the penalty for running a long-established house of prostitution in a special dorm just for its teenage basketball recruits and their fathers should be, like, almost nothing because

… the “monetary value” associated with the strippers was so low — reasoning that Jo Potuto, who previously chaired the NCAA infractions committee and is a constitutional law professor at the University of Nebraska, found “absurd.”

… “To suggest it’s not as significant because there’s no monetary value,” [she] said, “well, I think parents would think paying a kid $1,000 is a whole lot more respectful in the way college athletes should be treated rather than giving them a prostitute.”

Babe.

First, the parents didn’t mind fucking low monetary value whores either.

Second: Tell an eighteen-year-old lad trembling on the brink of the joy of sex that he has a choice between an orgy for him and his dad, with professionals who’ll do anything for them, and a check for a thousand bucks. Other opportunities to make a thousand dollars will present themselves to him; but this precious chance to bond with the old man while balling his brains out may never come again.

***********

UD thanks Wendy for the update.

Chick claimed that our blessed Joe Tumpkin
Was doing some violent humpkin.
This hysterical muff
Tried to mess up our Buffs!
We ignored the embarrassing lumpkin.

****************

UD thanks Keith for the update on this story.

… but as a writer you want to remain calm and control your prose as you discuss the upcoming HBO movie. This prose has too much figurative language all over the place, creating the chaos of mixed metaphors. SOS has helpfully italicized the problem areas:

Make no mistake: there’s plenty of material to be mined for the HBO drama. The firestorm that ensued following the 2011 arrest of Sandusky nearly tore the Penn State community in half and caused a flurry of controversy in all areas of public conversation. Resurrecting these events and examining the tense subject matter through the lens of famed director Barry Levinson and the prowess of Pacino will be mighty fascinating.

This prose literally runs hot and cold, as we venture from a firestorm that neatly cuts a community in half to a snowy flurry. Mining and resurrections are thrown in for good measure, leaving the reader all of a mucksweat (to quote Bella Cohen).

‘CAL IS FUCKED BECAUSE OF ITS STUPID STADIUM DEAL’

The [University of California – Berkeley] stadium debt is so large that funding may have to come out of the school’s non-athletics budget soon. The school’s largest donors donate to both the school and the athletics programs, and any disruption of sports could decrease the overall amount of donations.

And that’s why Baylor University is where it is today!

It’s a real red-letter day for university sports at that most fervent sports school, Penn State. Not to be outdone by America’s rape capital, Baylor University athletics, Penn State now waves goodbye to a president and a vice-president as they both go behind bars for child endangerment. Graham Spanier gets “two months to be served behind bars and two more to be served under house arrest,” while his vp gets “two [months] to be served in jail and four under house arrest.”

As for the Penn State athletic director whose talk a few years ago at a Knight Commission meeting in Washington was so disgusting, cynical, and insulting a whitewash of university sports that UD and others in the audience audibly groaned and laughed as he spoke: He gets “7-23 months with three months to be served in jail and four more under house arrest.”

Pardon my French, but UD can’t tell you what sweet poetic justice it is that this asshole is going to jail.

***************

A university president in prison for child endangerment! And all because he was afraid of Joe Paterno and his creepy band of Happy Valley fanatics. But anyway. That’s ancient history. Today we all focus our attention on that other dominant force on the campus of Penn State University: fraternities.

From a Deadspin comment thread:

Don’t worry- few Penn staters will be outraged. They’re too busy being outraged that people might expect their fraternities to act like civilized people.