Or twenty miles north; I’m figuring the local shooters moved this weekend’s fun away from Murder Beach proper cuz it’s crawling with cops.

This distance from the boardwalk, they were free to shoot eleven people. An impressive number, even by American standards.

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UPDATE: Happened on a party boat! Did people jump into the water? And eleven shot because it’s hard to run away when you’re drunk, high, and on a boat.

Police are searching for “a motive.” Hm, hm, what could it be. Cram a bunch of drunks, several of whom are armed, on a boat. Motive would be, you know, someone pushed someone aside while reeling around trying not to fall over. BANGBANGBANG

ANOTHER UPDATE: When you go to Facebook, you get all kinds of video and commentary. Some say it was an argument. Some say it was a hate crime. Some say some people drowned. We’ll see.

AND ANOTHER: For all the fervid imaginings of Facebookers, it sounds as though our latest mass shooting was exactly what you’d expect: Too many drunk/high assholes packed into a closed space. Someone always seems to get pissed off (or just pissed) and start shooting everybody.

Summer comes to the Jersey Shore!

GUNS.

Read this pathetic editorial up down over and out and you’ll never ever encounter even one mild parenthetical reference to all them guns.

Okay well, based on what I’m reading, most of them – a thousand? – should go, sans délai, to Louisiana, by far America’s most dangerous state.

You’re just thinking Nawlins, but Alexandria, Monroe, Baton Rouge, and tons of others are really really dangerous. UD has often wondered aloud on this blog why anyone would send their kid there to college.

Banker scum. LOL.

And for the umpteenth time I ask you: Tragic? The dean at Grand Valley State says tragic?

Some drunk asshole shot multiple bullets from an upper floor down to a lower floor during a party. The kid killed was at the lower floor and got one of the bullets in his brain.

Note to dean: The proper language for stupid drunken gun deaths is this: “The Grand Valley community is appalled by this senseless death, the sort of death you get when drunk teenagers have easy access to firearms. We’re ashamed to be the school where this happened.”

Take a bow, SIG Sauer.

A typical American abattoir, Showcase (UD came up with a better name) is of course noisy and gunny all night long. AND it seems to sit right in the middle of a residential neighborhood. Does Garfield Heights have any zoning ordinances?

Bikers compete in the burn out pit at Suck Bang Blow bar in Murrells Inlet, S.C. during the 2024 Myrtle Beach Spring Rally. Their spinning tires burn rubber often shredding tires and filling the air with smoke, the roar of engines and the cheers from the crowd.

Thomas Hubert Parker Jr., of Bainbridge, was arrested on May 15, 2025, for allegedly shooting parts of the school zone speed cameras on Shotwell Street, according to investigators with Bainbridge Public Safety.

… Parker is facing 3 counts of “Possession of Tools for the Commission of a Crime” and “Interference with Government Property.”

… Parker is a Doctor of Anesthesiology…

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Shotwell Street LOL.

Here’s the new offending technology. The school district has pushed too far on this one — if you really make people in Georgia slow down, you can expect them to shoot out the school zone system.

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UD thought it might have, er, implications for his employment. I forgot it’s the southland. He’s been named Employee of the Month.

Trial coming up for one of the University of Alabama’s many gun-mad basketball players. Couple years ago a whole bunch of players went out for some fun and ended up shooting a woman to death. I mean, one of them, a friend of the players’, actually shot her, but one of the players provided the gun blahblah.

So the guy who actually shot her just got sentenced to life without parole, and things don’t look too good for the player who handed him the gun. Trial coming up.

Another player out with his teammates that night had already established a “pat-down” entrance whenever introduced before a game (this was a precursor to the much higher profile Ja Morant bit), and he kept it going even after he began to be investigated in connection with the murder. Straightlaced Deadspin considered the fact that the pat-down guy was allowed to play at all “quite shocking,” but c’mon. It’s ALABAMA.

Anyway, here’s a local opinion writer gettin all boohoo bout bloody Bama but really baby nobody gives a shit.

And he was returned to his original school why? Having wisely ejected an insane child now charged with terrorism, the school armed itself against him and took him back?

Interestingly, the focus of this article about him is not whatever rules, or whatever idiocy specific to this school, let him return with his immense, elaborate, killing gear; it’s his mother.

The mother of a [San Antonio] middle school student [that means the kid is 11 to 14] allegedly bought ammunition, magazines and tactical gear for her son, who had expressed a desire to carry out “acts of mass violence” at Jeremiah Rhodes Middle School, according to SAPD.

Ashley Pardo, 33, was arrested on Monday on charges of aiding in commission of terrorism, court records show. She bought the items “with knowledge” that they would be “used to plan and carry out” a crime.

On Monday, the student showed up to Rhodes Middle School campus “wearing a mask, camouflage jacket and tactical pants but left shortly after,” police said... [A family member had earlier] contacted SAPD about items found in the possession of Pardo‘s son, including rifle and pistol ammunition, black tactical gear and an improvised explosive device made from a mortar-style firework. The family member also stated they found three loaded magazines and a note that had several names of mass shooters written on it. Some of the items were inscribed with “14 words” and “SS” symbols – references to white supremacy language and previous mass shootings…

You can buy your kid all the guns and bombs and masks you want, but you can’t give him the guts to use them.

… AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS SWOLLEN FACE.

 ‘[M]y rifle could reasonably have caused you to feel uncomfortable or intimidated … ‘

He wanted her to kill.