An elderly constable in a commode

Unholstered his big loaded Glock

That was the only way that he knowed

To free up his piss-swollen cock

But – you know – he’s human

Had something on his mind

Tried to recall lines from Schumann…

And then he was needing to dry his behind

Cuz he had to do

Numbers One and Two

“Ah! That’s better! And now lemme

Forget for the rest of the day that I left my semi

Out here for all the little tykes

Who come to court on school field trips

And find a toy to let them strike

Classmates who give them lip.”

Overcome by emotion, a mother at the Laney/Westside High School football game grabs her child and rolls around the bleachers with glee!

Details here!

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Fans CAN’T WAIT to run home and tell their friends all about it!

Oh whoooops. Same school, coupla years ago!

… one reference to anyone doing anything to take the massacrist’s guns away.

Everyone did one hell of a lot of praying, though.

Last December we ran this adorable Ogles family photo. Now the FBI’s raiding Andy Ogles’ house in search of evidence of campaign finance fraud.

Watch for Andy to blow his head off when things with the feds get too hot. Also shooting the wife and kids seems a popular option these days.

Only 14, with so many years ahead of him.

Pinellas deputies have arrested a 14-year-old boy on a first-degree murder charge after they say he shot and killed a woman with his father’s gun last week… [T]he 14-year-old confessed to shooting Fernandez at random and said he got the gun from his father’s bedroom…

UD lately has featured preppy upbeat mugshots, but here’s one that’s simply …vintage. Our man hails from the barrens of Stanton Nebraska. He likes to get shitfaced, leave his feloniously owned shotgun at home, mount his ATV, and bomb through local streets.

[A] four-wheeler was observed being operated recklessly at high speeds and running multiple stop signs near the Stanton County courthouse.

Sheriff Mike Unger, who was on foot in the area, attempted to stop the four-wheeler near 7^th and Jackpine, but the driver failed to do so and nearly struck the Sheriff as he accelerated away from the residential area at 70 to 80 mile an hour estimated speeds.

…  [The charges are] speeding, multiple stop sign and ATV violations, willful reckless driving, and driving while intoxicated-2^nd offense. He was also charged with being a felon in possession of a firearm after … a search warrant at his residence turned up a shotgun and ammunition.

Somebody forgot to smile!

LA Police Officers Shot During Traffic Stop With AR-15

“We had five homicides in the first five days of July.”

To bring the point home, Mayor Randall Woodfin displayed the city’s armes de choix:

At one point, Woodfin swung [an] AR-15 in a way that caused some council members to ask him to not point the weapon in their direction. “Council, I apologize – I didn’t mean to,” Woodfin said. “I’m sorry.”

When he picked up [a] Micro Draco, he said, “Finger’s not on the trigger, everybody,” to calm any nerves. “Nowhere near it.”

Timothy Noah.

… programming.

… double-decker death becomes more frequent in gun-soaked America. Here, a few miles from UD, attendees are killed at a memorial for three people who were killed.

Let’s go for another! Let’s do a massacre at the funeral of the person who was killed at the memorial of the three people.

This is fun! Let’s shoot down witnesses testifying in the trial of the shooter at the memorial service!!

Parents in the United States are buying bulletproof backpacks, children are being traumatized by mass shooting drills, and an increasing number of people stay away from crowded events because they’re worried they’re going to be shot.

As long as enough sitting ducks are still willing to go to parties, parades, memorial services, etc., etc., America will keep its appointment with death.

Gun violence is not “unfathomable evil” and will not be stopped with thoughts or prayers or burying good gun legislation in the basement of the Capitol. 

Gun violence is fathomable and preventable, and it continues to go unchecked here in Kentucky because our GOP supermajority, in their unfathomable cowardice, refuses to grow up and address it.

Lots of articles like this in the aftermath of the latest bloodbath. A notorious, dangerous, felon! How in the world….?

 I burst out laughing at you, and call your gun-availability question a silly thing!  (Paraphrasing Monty Python.) Little Chase no doubt lived in a house where everyone ate, slept, shaved, showered, beat off, and shit with guns. ‘Member the gun-glutted Murdaughs? Boy I say boy ain’t no one down in y’all and shut ma mouth land who ain’t stewing in guns every minute of every god damn day and you wanna know how a twenty year old psychotic with a violent record got a gun? How did he not get a gun? How in Florence KY do you avoid having a gun?

Chase Garvey faced a felony charge two years ago that could have put him behind bars for years and barred him from carrying a gun.

But early Saturday morning, police say, Garvey was free and armed when he walked into a home in Florence and opened fire on a crowd of people gathered for a birthday party, killing four.

Garvey, 21, was on probation after pleading guilty to the felony charge in 2022 that accused him of having sex with a 13-year-old in the parking lot of a Fort Mitchell apartment complex.

The plea was to a lesser charge than the rape charge Garvey initially faced, but it carried a possible sentence of up to five years in prison. Though he was sentenced to probation instead, he still could not legally possess a gun because he was a felon.

Good ol Kentucky.

Update: Free and armed to slaughter everyone he knows. “We haven’t heard yet how he got a gun but it’s not like it’s hard to do around here.” Rumor has it his father bought him one illegally. If true, this should be another Crumbley trial.

Do you know how many mass shootings are cuz bouncers wouldn’t let a guy in a club, frat bros threw someone out of a beerfest, or celebrants barred the door at a birthday party? Today’s atrocity was probably the last one on the list: Li’l Chase Garvey, just 20 years old and already boasting an impressive sex offender record, blasted into a local gathering and shot everyone in sight. The house was a McMansion, Garvey drove a Lexus, and I’m guessing the tyke shouldered an expensive assault weapon. Rich country.

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Update: Rap sheet for violent crimes and not yet 21. Took multiple selfies proudly holding immense guns. A really, really dangerous person; but Kentucky!! You’ve got no gun control in your state. Own it, babe.

Kentucky’s gun laws are among the worst in the country, and the state has one of the higher rates of gun violence in the nation. Kentucky has none of the foundational policies in place—after legislators repealed its concealed carry permitting requirement in 2019.

The entire state apparatus is set up to make the world safe for Chase Garvey. Own it.

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As an adorable fifteen year old. [facebook]