New York’s Williamsburg Charter points the way: Students enjoy multiple school-based mass shootings over the course of the school year, with all the opportunities they offer for small group discussions of violence, firearms, conflict resolution, the role of the police, and so on. As faculty who try to intervene are picked off, discussion is enriched with explorations of mortality.

The twenty-first century televised adaptation of William Faulkner’s Snopes family saga – As Murdaughs Lay Dying – proceeds apace, but the prosecution, which should easily take down Big Daddy Murdaugh, the obvious murderer, has run into a shrapnel of trouble.

Used to be all sorts of firearm evidence – stuff like gunshot residue – could put a case over the top; but now that all-American clans like the Murdaughs own forty trillion guns which they’re always toting around and shooting off, almost any piece of gun evidence is, er, shot down. When your entire house, car, wardrobe, fields, and gardens are gun-residue saturated, it’s hard to determine which residue comes from family-slaughtering and which comes from, you know, jest reglur family fun.

Although Scathing Online Schoolmarm is eager to introduce the Toscano Law Group, Newport News, to the semi-colon (there’s no problem with the sentence I’ve quoted in my headline, but throughout the letter the absence of the semi-colon is a problem), she nonetheless acknowledges that, effective-exposition-wise, its extended letter about the public elementary school system, to which you entrust your little ones every day, rocks.

You begin to understand homeschooling when you read about daily life at Richneck Elementary School. When your six year old tyke’s classmates aren’t smacking at/spitting on the teacher, they’re on the playground fingering their Glocks. Put aside curricular questions; your family definitely stands a better chance of not being reduced to multiple quivering mounds of blood if you stay locked in your house.

The key to transforming your school to Lord of the Flies With Firearms is the school’s administrative team. Without a strong shared commitment to violence among the principals and vice-principals you are getting nowhere in terms of mass slaughter.

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Violent cultures make violent toddlers, so for optimal school slaughter you also need a critical mass of parents who leave loaded guns lying all over the house, the way the Richneck shooter’s parents did.

Do you think, knowing all too well they had a psychotic would-be killer on their hands, these parents were “negligent”? How many guns do you think they had at home — again, knowing their kid wanted to kill? Ten? Twenty?

Babe, it’s not negligence, is it? Nor is it negligence when an assistant principal rejects desperate begging from multiple teachers and students that she check a psychotically violent student for weapons.

Let’s call it what it is.

Large swathes of the country are shooting off guns all the time. They like to. It’s exciting and satisfying, as America’s finest news source reminds us. American flag pins in Congress have been replaced by AR-15 pins. From the highest to the lowest forms of civic life in this country, guns are everything. They are everywhere. You’re a bloody fool (literally) if you don’t know this and begin to act accordingly.

A notorious gunplay destination. Its enraged and frightened neighbors repeatedly beg the city to shut it down. The city does nothing; the place lays on more security.

More security seems to guarantee more gunplay – I mean, all it seems to mean are more people in the hookah lounges with guns, so instead of the classic two-way shootout we get a three-way.

They killed a high school kid. [UPDATE: Two high school kids, both members of the local school football team.]

UD‘s really scratching her head here. All over the country, hookah bars are staging mass killings, and no one in authority does jack. Is it a form of amusement for city councils?

Apparently a deal has been worked out with state legislator Amanda Chase that the room will function as a JR-15 outlet, where students will be able to, in her words “purchase a gun that will get the job done.”

Incessant mass shooting

Is what we do best!

In 2020 we only killed one

2023’s already much more fun.

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 [Two of the women killed were in LA] to attend an album release party for a rapper.

Wotta shocker. Rap music associated with guns/violence.

Add the basically unregulated short term rental market to the mix, and voila.

Twas on the Crest of Beverly

The battle did commence

Among elite Air B&Bs

Each sparing no expense.

The glistening car, late model!

The air perfumed, and gated!

The party. Scattered bottles.

Late model guns, gold-plated.

*********************************

The kick of upscale killing

On cool Pacific nights

Shall ne’er grow old – too thrilling

To aim Sig Sauer sights.

To watch the brain and vomit

Start pooling ’round your head

While a fine and rare green comet

Goes streaking overhead.

Here’s a primer on it. The Newport News six year old who almost killed his elementary school teacher last week failed in his mission simply because he had to use some random pistol his parents had lying around the house for him. It’s true that his teacher’s mental health has been permanently shattered; plus since surgeons had to leave the slug in her, the student has the satisfaction of having left a permanent souvenir inside his teacher’s body. But killing her – and everyone else in the room, like the better-equipped boys at Columbine – eluded him because of his primitive weaponry. The JR-15 is the solution to all of these problems.

But the deep state can’t keep its hands off of the gun. Big news conference today where demo-rats called the gun disgusting and sick and grotesque and unconscionable blahblah. Blahblahblah.

DOG SHOOTS AND KILLS HIS OWNER

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UD thanks David.

They leave you shaken; the graphic terror on the faces of the tour guides, and even more so on the faces of ordinary citizens who somehow fail to get out of the way of the tourists and are forced to interact with them… Reading accounts of daily life in Richneck Elementary School under Superintendent George Parker, I thought of North Korea.

Read today’s accounts of terrified weeping children, frightened teachers desperately texting family members, staff people trying to get out of the way of a psychotic armed child, and see if you don’t think of some surrealistically horrifying police state full of traumatized, trampled, people.

His parents belong in jail, and let’s hope that’s where they’ll go, in the same cell with these creeps.

But as for lawsuits!!!

[S]chool leaders were warned three times that the boy might have a gun, … including by a student who tearfully recounted seeing the gun at recess.

[A] series of escalating warnings [occurred] on Jan. 6, when the police say a 6-year-old boy took his mother’s gun from home, brought it to Richneck Elementary School and fired at his teacher…

By about 12:30 p.m. on the day of the shooting, a teacher had searched the boy’s backpack, believing that he might have a gun … No gun was found, but the teacher reported to the school administration that she believed the boy had put the gun in his pocket before going outside for recess. 

Instead of searching the boy, …an administrator dismissed the threat, saying that the 6-year-old “has little pockets.”

Around 1 p.m. — an hour before the shooting — another teacher reported that a student had come to the teacher crying, saying that the boy had shown him the gun at recess and threatened to shoot the student if he told anyone…

A third teacher also asked for permission to search the boy, … but was told to wait, because the school day was almost over.

Hell, I’m up for a beer in half an hour, give it a break!

Oh, so now just because there’s been a third school shooting, you’re gonna throw him out?

On Tuesday, the Newport News School Board posted an agenda for a special meeting on Wednesday, saying it will vote on a separation agreement and severance package for Superintendent George Parker III. 

It’s not his fault the third shooter was six years old! That sort of thing gets global attention. The last two were teenagers, and that’s so routine it never makes much of a mark. If he’d been able to isolate the bloodbath to junior high and high school all would have been well. Give the guy a break and hope the killing goes back where it belongs – to the upper grades, among more mature and competent marksmen.

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Meanwhile, if they do fire the dude, he’ll get an enormous severance for keeping his trap shut about all the other violent and nonviolent scandals in the school system; plus, there are TONS of public school abattoirs (start with the Baton Rouge public schools!) where Parker’s bloody ways will fit right in. Don’t worry about Parker. Wave of the bloody future.

Well, when you’re Chicago, you have the nation’s highest kill-rate to maintain. Shutting down hookah bars, which guarantee several mass shootings a year, is not something you’re going to do lightly. Whatever the silly neighbors say.

… and ain’t that enough?

Hyuk! Guess not.

Well, for sure we’re prayin’ for the teacher he shot… Thoughts and prayers…

But this one’s like why hasn’t a mass shooting already happened forty times in that lounge. I mean, maybe it has, but locals are still pretending to be shocked at the mass shooting at another hookah bar down south.

As you know if you read this blog, there’s nothing more banal of late than mass shootings inside hookah bars in southern cities. And this one happened in Baton Rouge, and man I mean ROUGE like flowing all red in the streets!

Apparently there’s a grassroots movement down there to change the city’s name to SANG ROUGE. Better fit.

 Louisiana’s capital city [has made] it big in the world of crime and murder. Baton Rouge has outdone the rest of the state, which is [itself] 40 percent more violent than the nation as a whole. New Orleans is more popular, so Baton Rouge seized the opportunity to top the violent crime list. Baton Rouge isn’t a very large city, but it manages to attract attention by having 49 murders annually. If you have a death wish, it’s a great destination.

A few details here. Some locals – a few – feel kinda bad about the “lack of effort by the state government to address gun violence,” but baby baby baby that’s cuz they love their guns and they love it when they get a chance to shoot ’em off! Hookah bars concentrate large numbers of incapacitated victims in easily accessible, charismatic, locations, and, you know, take any random Saturday night and conditions are RIPE.

Given that everyone knows shooting’s gonna happen – note that Dior’s advertising stresses the word “safely” — wonder why – why does it… well… keep happening?

Look more closely at what Dior offers: Incredibly cheap booze. A dark chaotic place to whip out your guns and get some real killing off before someone notices. Rooms packed with idjits from LSU, one of America’s most violent and stupid locations.

Bloodbath keeps happening because Bloodbath is the state sport of Louisiana, and everything the state does — from basically zero gun restrictions to the proliferation of hookah bars – promotes the sport.

Shut down the bars? Are you fucking nuts? Death’s a way of life down there. UD‘s had enough of inauthentic local pols getting all ‘senseless… tragic.…’ … I mean, being all negative about it. Millions of Americans adore violence and go out of their way to legalize, mainstream, and personally experience it. Bloody, almost dead, and dead people scattered everywhere is Sang Rouge’s effing calling card, it’s their Graceland, their Machu Picchu, their one reliable tourist destination. Find a violent psycho like Jim Jordan to run the city – someone who revels in blood – and GO TO IT.

Remember White Noise, the most important American novel of the last fifty years:

“Look past the violence. There is a wonderful brimming spirit of innocence and fun.”