The best version. Obviously.

… the Lion King cartoon.

Because of the work of her hands (clearing a path through the woods), UD discovered, this time last year, a deer skull. She washed it a bit and placed it in a large white outdoor plant container. Now and then she glanced at its morbid beauty.

It didn’t mean much to her; it was one of several (less aesthetic) deer skulls she had discovered while working in the woods.

Nuno, her Portuguese landscaper, noticed the skull this morning and said to UD: “What kind of animal is that? Where did you find it? How did you get it?” He seemed rather excited.

Nuno explained that he collected animal skulls. “I put colored beads in their eye sockets and feathers on their heads.”

*****************

Nuno proposed to pay UD for the skull, and she agreed. He gave her cash, and she gave him the skull.

“I earned money for the household by the work of my hands!” UD exulted to Mr UD and La Kid (staying in ‘thesda because UD is creeped out by the armed camp DC has become – she goes back to the city today). UD liked this phrase and repeated it. “It’s Biblical! The work of my hands!”

Of course DJT hasn’t written an inaugural letter, to be read by his successor. This is one of many departures from tradition for which DJT will fail to be remembered.

Already a Chicago Tribune writer has tried his hand at a satirical inaugural letter. UD offers a letter in the form of a poem – a poem in which DJT shows remarkable literary culture.

***********************

LETTER TO MY SUCCESSOR, BY DONALD J. TRUMP

They say you’re giving the place a deep clean.

Good call.  I wish I could explain how I

Soiled the great gift of the presidency.

Didn’t want to! I swear I didn’t mean

To leave it like this: a moral pigsty.

But of course I know you don’t believe me.

Consider, though, how human beings lean

Toward self-destruction.  Don’t believe me?  Try

Kafka.  Cioran.  Freud.  Dostoevsky.

From a review of an odd film I’ve seen:

“The film focuses on psycho-bi-

ological forces that make you your own enemy.

The lust for chaos; the lust to demean …

To demean yourself!  You self-glorify,

But in a sick way.  But only outwardly.

The hunger for colossal failure in

The drive for success; and for death in any

Vigilant and violent hypochondry.”

Raskolnikov skulks away; the final scene

A shabby nothing as I hiss goodbye.

Some day you’ll find a way to pity me.

*********************************

UPDATE: He did write a letter after all.

Probably a lot like the one I wrote.

The good news: Mike “Martial Law” Lindell, AKA Mr “My Pillow,” will be there; and, because most retailers are now dropping his line, he will bring along to the ceremony thousands of unsold pillows, to create a warm inviting mood.

… “These are heavy misfortunes,” as Elizabeth Bennett says to Lady Catherine de Bourgh; yet we are all pulling for Jill Biden, and hoping she can come out in one piece on the other side.

She plans on lobbying the Supreme Scrabble Court to make “qanon” a legitimate game word. There are very few q and no u words allowed in Scrabble, and even though QAnon is a proper noun, UD‘s hoping the SSC, cognizant of the paucity of q and no u words, will at least agree to take the case.

… the scummy world of big-time Southern football keeps rolling along. For years and years she’s followed the beautiful, profoundly rooted culture of obscenely overpaid coaches cheating their way to championships that get rescinded when some filthy traitor on the staff spills the beans. Then there’s the old-timey defamation lawsuit the fired coach files, in which he demands a billion dollar settlement cuz of all the damage the school has done to his beautiful reputation. There’s the charming buzz that ensues among the faithful: Who among the equally scummy cheater-coaches out there will be the dumped cheater-coach’s replacement? And everybody cheats, so why were we singled out? There’s the sweet perennial controversy about whether tailgate parties which turn the campus into a urinic heap where drunk out of their minds pre-teens reel about should be subject to a few rules, and the equally perennial controversy about the advisability of a university holding courses during the same week important football game are played (answer: scheduled classes are inadvisable). There’s the inexhaustible thrill of watching this or that heavily-recruited player with a notoriously violent past assault people all over town, as well as the larger traditional spectacle of groups of bulked up football heroes making use of monster SUVs, monster rifles, and illicit drugs all at the same time. The fraternities make their own venerable contribution to the Southern football landscape, killing pledges during fan parties through the time-tested method of alcohol and neglect.

The University of Tennessee is the scummy football school du jour; but places like Ole Miss, which combine all aspects of this culture with campus white supremacy riots, are real – uh – historic.

And yet at the same time what could be more totally up to date than white supremacy rioting?

Cool.

… UD votes for Your Love Is Lifting Me Higher and Higher… but the Rita Coolidge version!

Karl Rove: ‘Strong Likelihood’ Trump Will Be Convicted if Giuliani Leads Impeachment Defense

UD‘s Representative, Jamie Raskin, grieving, but still able to write articles of impeachment.

I’m not going to lose my son at the end of 2020 and my country and my republic in 2021. It’s not gonna happen.

“Making our institutions a joke is exactly what helps authoritarians like Mr Putin survive. If there’s no example of things going better, it makes their life much much easier. A big sad thing which is happening is that there is no longer an American example … that dissidents in China or [the] opposition in Hong Kong or journalists in Russia or Poland or Hungary or whatever can point to — thanks to Mr Trump.”

Her communications director has resigned! We are about to get this iconic American voice unfiltered, and UD cannot wait.

Rep. Lauren Boebert (not to be confused with Lorena Bobbitt) is an American original, a tax-noncompliant, QAnon-slinging, gun-slinging, rumored insurrectionist. Boebert is the embodiment of the Capitol-Trashers: Multiple arrests for violent behavior (to be fair, not all of it was her; some of it was her two big pit bulls), refusal to show up in court, violent hatred of authority, general propensity to violence. Boebert tweeted Nancy Pelosi’s movements during the insurrection.

A glance at Boebert’s impressive rap sheet reveals l’essence de Capitol-Trasher lifestyle: Nasty dustups with hubby when they both get a little, uh, hot under the collar; fights with neighbors; fights with cops; Defiant Oppositional Disorder when people request that she take her guns out of their face. Cap-Trash lifestyle means looking to pick a fight while bombing around in your pickup, Barrett M107s bouncing in the bed, pit bulls howling. That’s our Lauren; and why you wouldn’t want to be her communications director I have no idea but anyway she ain’t got one no more and hon LET. IT. RIP.

Some hotels might consider it jolly

To welcome Trump-gunfire volleys.

We might be called Loews

But that’s too low to go.

Let another hotel welcome Hawley.