March 7th, 2018
Garrett Park Ranked #2: Best Places to Live in Maryland

UD‘s home – not just the place she lives now; the place she was raised – is practically the best place to live in the whole state. Maryland is the nation’s wealthiest state, so competition for best place to live must be pretty fierce…

Of course UD has always been proud of her town (as those of you who have been reading this blog a long time know). She ended up here at the age of nine because her mother, just returned from a year in Mill Hill, a charming British village near London, found in Garrett Park an approximation of what she’d grown to love in England. It didn’t hurt that all of GP’s streets are named after locations in the novels of Walter Scott.

March 7th, 2018
Three rapes, two diseases.

For those keeping count, Tariq Ramadan has so far filed two disease claims in hopes of getting out of jail (MS and neuropathy); three rape claims have so far been filed against him. Expect his lawyers to come up with a third disease (UD suggests early prostate cancer) to even the score.

March 7th, 2018
“[His] habit of wearing his hideous Casio turned so that the face is on the inside of his wrist, the way an infantryman would…”

Fun read on the rectitude-look.

March 7th, 2018
They’re scrambling at Washington’s public universities!

How the fuck do we not comply with this?

March 7th, 2018
Harvard: Keep your $36 billion endowment close and your sexual harassers closer.

Harvard University: Famous for holding tight to its stupendous endowment, and just as famous for holding tight to its sexual harassers.

March 7th, 2018
With ‘National Stop the Bleed Day’ …

coming up, UD remembers her favorite play title.

The drama is by Jorgen Lovberg (originally Lövberg), and it’s one of his most tortured embittered and agonizing works: While We Three Hemorrhage.

March 7th, 2018
When a State ISLAMIC University Bans the Burqa…

… you know there’s hope for that religion.

A big win for our side.

March 7th, 2018
Scathing Online Schoolmarm Solves a Writing Conundrum.

George Washington University’s law school should have bragging rights on this one. One of its graduates has been chosen to handle a lawsuit against the highest-profile person in the world. It’s already a very high-profile suit, and will almost certainly become even more high-profile.

So: GWU press release on its way!

***************

But there’s the question of how to word it.

PORN STAR STORMY DANIELS CHOOSES
GW LAW GRAD TO KILL HUSH MONEY
AGREEMENT WITH SEX PARTNER TRUMP

That’s a bit… sensationalistic. Let’s see…

****************

First, go with her birth name. Use formal titles. Tone down other elements.

MS. STEPHANIE R. CLIFFORD CHOOSES
GW LAW GRAD IN HIGH-PROFILE CASE
AGAINST PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP.

Ah. That’s better. Scathing Online Schoolmarm gave her a middle initial because it sounds more respectable, and because it creates an equivalence between her and Donald J.

****************

The GW law grad is a master of the mixed metaphor. SOS has rarely seen such a strong one.

“[A] Supreme Court Justice once said that ‘sunlight is the best disinfectant.’ And we fully intend on bringing as much sunlight to this matter as possible. Let the chips fall where they may.”

Bravo.

March 7th, 2018
The Tariq Ramadan of Indian Country

Ladies, read up and understand the pattern. They’re your literary and/or spiritual heroes, and you go to them for guidance and a blurb for your book of poems and they jump you.

After they succeed or fail at having their way, they threaten your career if you tell anyone.

March 7th, 2018
GRANDFATHER/Father/Son Gunnies!

The post just below is one of several on this blog chronicling the adorable father/son pairs in this country who roll around together at home on top of thick warm layers of illegal loaded guns and explosive devices (see photo). It’s an all-American thing, and chances are you just don’t get it but lookee here – a three-generation human interest story to warm the Glockles of your heart!

Here’s Grandad – the only family member not currently in jail or out on bond awaiting trial – talking to the media about the wonderful world of family weaponry, the way his close-knit clan has used a home environment strewn with hyper-powerful, ready-to-shoot firearms to treat their son’s autism, and the way satanic anti-second amendment forces have invaded the sanctity of their treatment facility/armory.

“It’s not entirely clear how the grandfather of a boy arrested for making threats at the Academy for Sciences and Agriculture in Vadnais Heights is helping the family cause with an interview he’s given,” sneers elitist Minnesota Public Radio about grandaddy’s dark warning that if the gummit don’t leave his people the hell alone, “Fire is coming down from hell.”

From hell, gramps?… What exactly do you mean? Fire from… haha… one of your big ol’ semi-automatics…? … Zat what you’re getting at?

Gramps is pissed: “This has violated our second amendment” right to raise an autistic kid to threaten to shoot up his school with every single one of the loaded guns on his bed.

March 6th, 2018
“[A neighbor] reiterated Monday that the Stowes are ‘America’s family.'”

You got that right. After their thirteen year old son repeatedly threatened to shoot up his school, his mother insisted there were “no weapons in the home.” A search revealed that she and the kid’s father

owned several illegal firearms and kept loaded guns out in the open…

[The father was charged] with two felony counts of prohibited possession of machine guns and short-barreled shotguns and one count of gross misdemeanor negligent storage of firearms where a child can access them.

Authorities on Friday seized a cache of firearms, ammunition and at least two explosive devices… Some of the firearms were unsecured, and a ballistic vest was also recovered…

“Law enforcement officers also recovered several trigger kits hidden in the ceiling of the residence,” said the charges … “They appeared to be conversion kits for converting weapons to automatic weapons. Deputies also discovered literature on how to convert a semi-automatic weapon to a fully automatic weapon.”

America’s family.

****************

[O]nly about one-quarter of [US] gun owners think it essential to alert visitors with children that guns may be present in the home. (Twice as many non-gun-owners think so.) Only 66 percent of gun owners think it essential to keep guns locked up when not in use. (Ninety percent of non-gun-owners think so.) Only 45 percent of them actually do it.

March 5th, 2018
UD’s Neighbor’s Backyard This Morning

The third day of massive multiple trucks
breaking and shredding and hauling
“a large healthy pine that snapped in
the wind,” says my neighbor.
“It didn’t uproot.”

March 4th, 2018
UD inaugurates a subspecialty in father/son gunnies.

He’s my unabomber daddy
He means all the world to me
He’s my unabomber daddy
And they made a jail cell jest for him and me

********************

It’s the Patek Philippe watch story a few classes down:

‘You never actually own five hundred guns and explosive devices. You merely look after them for the next generation.’

It’s an Only-in-America kinda thing: Matching father-and-son jail cells.

You know what’s also Only-in-America? They’ll be out of jail in seconds — more paranoid than ever, and accumulating more weaponry.

March 3rd, 2018
‘District officials do not notify families or the media if a gun is intercepted at a school unless there is a threat to safety.’

And – hyuk! – ain’t never a threat to safety. Relax. It’s jest a gun!

March 3rd, 2018
Just type “student gun” in the Google News search engine…

… to keep up to date on the zillions of junior high and high schools in this country where the kids who bring loaded guns are suddenly, post-Parkland, attracting attention.

Think about it. These are only the pre-teen and teenage heat-packers people are bothering to rat on. The ones who let their secret slip.

Tip of the gunberg.

****************

Oh, and a word to Mom and Dad: Do make sure your guns are secure.

****************

All that’s left is for the university president to issue the Orwellian War is Peace statement:

We are a safe community, we are a safe campus.

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