Made out of words taken from a newspaper article.

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THREE DAYS INTO MAY

All of this is no more than mere footnote;
Quite good for schadenfreude but little more.
Yet cast your gaze a little farther west…
Oxford! Where finer scandals lie in store.

Carrying on the legacy of the late lamented Norwood Teague, UM’s finest continue leading with their dicks. Sexual assault, sexual harassment, sex videos – the real tragedy is that none of this cockplay seems to be helping the basketball team’s win/loss record. If beating women doesn’t bulk up team confidence, what good is it?

… and although UD knows that not everyone shares her attraction to any combination of flamboyant, relentless (and in the very best cases, litigious) religious self-righteousness plus equally relentless moral debauchery, she hopes that at least some of her readers will enjoy as much as she does the details of the Daniel Greer and the First Baptist Church of Hammond Indiana cases. Both stories have emerged not a moment too soon — just as America’s highest-profile sanctimonious person, Ted Cruz, has fled the scene. Both cases feature noisy revilers of nasty secular culture now in court for staggering sexual and/or financial degeneracy.

Yum. Let’s go there.

Until the current civil case against him, alleging that for years he raped a fifteen-year-old boy in his care (“Rabbi Greer was in his sixties when he forced the minor Eli to engage in acts of sex with him, including forced fellatio, anal sex, fondling and masturbation,” the lawsuit says. “Rabbi Greer frequently gave Eli alcohol at the time he raped and assaulted his child victim. Rabbi Greer showed Eli pornographic films. The lawsuit says Greer sexually abused [Eliyahu] Mirlis at multiple locations, including on school property, at the rabbi’s home, and at motels and rental properties.”), Rabbi Daniel Greer was famous for having spawned one of the Yale Five. His extremely orthodox daughter and four fellow indignants sued Yale University for making them live in debauched secular co-ed dormitories. The suit was of course immediately and irritatedly dismissed as soon as it got to a judge (they “could have opted to attend a different college or university if they were not satisfied with Yale’s housing policy.”), but because the story came out of Yale it got oodles of unwarranted attention.

Now Father Greer bids to make the family name even more famous than his daughter has made it by railing against homosexuality while, according to the complaint, raping a boy for years.

Lovers of out-there religious hypocrisy will also enjoy the mischievous megachurch of mid-America, where … er… let’s see …

Ex-pastor Jack Schaap is currently serving a federal prison sentence …

… Schaap pleaded guilty to transporting a girl to Illinois and Michigan for sexual encounters over a four-week period starting the week before the girl turned 17. He also had sex with her in his church office.

Schaap is named in [a recent] lawsuit, but not as a defendant, accused of helping facilitate a financial fraud that bilked two investors out of more than $200,000

A former deacon at the church, later hired as a financial planner, Thomas Kimmel, 70, is also in federal prison …

In 2014, Kimmel was convicted of multiple counts of conspiracy to commit wire and mail fraud and engaging in unlawful monetary transactions, according to court documents.

His role as a fundraiser in “Sure Line Investments,” a business buying and selling used cars which devolved into a Ponzi scheme, involved Schaap and snared a number of individuals around the country, according to court documents.

Kimmel was a financial adviser at First Baptist Hammond and traveled the country seeking investment in Sure Line, according to court documents.

And Schaap preached from the pulpit that Kimmel’s investment opportunities would give church members more money to use for God, according to court documents.

Both Schaap and Kimmel received commissions on the investments they secured for Sure Line, 1 percent and 10 percent respectively. That information was never disclosed to church members who invested, according to court documents.

It’s got everything but animal cruelty.

His worshipful masses were sure no
Taint wafted up to Paterno
But then things got real
Jerry lodged an appeal
Happy Valley’s become an inferno

… ’70’s Show.

************

… Sandusky did terrible things to children, and even after hearing that Sandusky was discovered in the shower with a boy of about 10, Paterno didn’t call the police. He didn’t seek to have Sandusky barred from Penn State’s athletic facilities, or apparently even question his assistant about what he had been told, even though the two men had been colleagues for decades.

My cousin’s husband is sheltering in place at the high school where he teaches.

La Kid’s first job was at the mall’s Lush store.

The mall is just down the street from UD‘s high school, Walter Johnson.

She was at Montgomery Mall two days ago, buying plants.

Coulda knocked me over with a feather.

*************

Memory lane.

*************

Bad timing.

Corporations have long bribed willing professors to sterilize, if you will, their dirty products; here’s a case of literal sterilization in exchange for cash.

Hundreds of Koreans have been injured or have died from using inhalers they sterilized with what turns out to be a deadly substance. Two Korean professors allegedly performed bogus tests that showed no demonstrable link to toxic results from the sterilizer. The manufacturer is also accused of having destroyed strong evidence of toxicity.

An unnamed (why unnamed?) Seoul National University professor has now been arrested.

The Seoul Central District Public Prosecutor’s Office found out that Oxy Reckitt Benckiser paid the Seoul National University research team about 250 million won for the experiment and separately sent tens of millions of won to a personal bank account belonging to the professor who was leading the research team.

For sheer vileness, this one’s up there with the Iowa State guy who faked HIV vaccine results.

… is a phrase you often hear on faculty hiring committees. It typically refers to unusually attractive candidates who for various reasons emerge outside the normal vetting process (read here for details).

But now the already-hired faculty at gun-happy University of Texas Austin has become one big target of opportunity.

A pro-campus-carry group is considering paying students to help it file complaints against University of Texas at Austin professors who want to ban guns in their offices.

“[Students for Concealed Carry] is already working on a variety of plans to document incidents of wrongful exclusion on the UT-Austin campus,” the group’s southwest regional director, Antonia Okafor, said in a prepared statement Tuesday. “One of the proposals we’re considering is the offering of a cash prize to the student who documents the most verifiable cases of faculty or staff prohibiting licensed concealed carry in offices.”

It’s the student as bounty hunter and the professor as prey in the Lone Star state.

***********************

UD suggests the following strategies for professors interested in bankrupting Students for Concealed Carry: Make yourself and cooperating colleagues sitting ducks, with large day-glo signs on your doors announcing NO ENTRY TO GUNS. Make sure there’s a security camera in the hallway outside your office (there probably is), and carry out, at your open door, a strip search on all students who wish to enter. Or brandish a fake airport security wand (show it to the camera) and go up and down their inseams.

A riskier but rewarding variant on this approach would be to find cooperating students who will visit your office packing heat. They will agree to share a portion of any winnings with the professor.

I mean, it’s strange for any institution to do that, of course. But these are life of the mind type places. Places where they keep some of their students dumb by giving them bogus – even non-existent – courses, and then, just to make sure their cognitive capacities are totally wiped out, they let them play football concussed.

Still goes on. Every day. In high school as well as college.

But now the players are suing. And winning.

*********************

Do you think this new category of sports costs will change anything?

Ha. If you do, you don’t know anything about Americans and football.

Fevered and too-long, but – if you ask Scathing Online Schoolmarm – a wonderful final reckoning with Ted Cruz’s failure and Donald Trump’s success in Rolling Stone. Nervy, funny, relentless prose.

Trump cut through this sad remainder-bin collection of the indolent, the unappealing and the relentlessly, programmatically shitheaded like a burning chainsaw going through Country Crock. He recognized a fundamental weakness at the heart of this soft, oily collection of ersatz humanity: They can be undone by basic human contempt.

SOS likes the way the writer maintains, throughout his tireless evisceration of Cruz, a focus on the odd fact that the winner of the Republican presidential primary is the only candidate who is simply an immediately recognizable authentic human being. This doesn’t mean he’s nice. Human doesn’t mean humane. In fact, human rarely means humane.

Trump won because he basically didn’t give a fuck. Not about verbal pieties, campaign traditions, rudimentary gestures of respect or the orthodoxies of modern conservatism. Nothing.

I dunno… UD can’t stand Trump, of course, but…

Doesn’t something hopeful lurk in Ross Douthat’s sentence?

[Martin] Shkreli anticipated a blockbuster product just as Turing raised the price, according to a company memo released by the House Committee on Government Oversight and Reform. On August 27, 2015, he wrote in an e-mail that “I think [the drug] will be huge. We raised the price from $1,700 per bottle to $75,000 … So 5,000 paying bottles at the new price is $375,000,000- almost all of it is profit and I think we will get 3 years of that or more.”

Sanders wins Indiana.

UD got a letter, a few days ago, from the US District Court, District of Maryland, telling her that she is under consideration to serve as a federal juror.

On the assumption that political corruption in Maryland is as frisky as it is in New York, UD would love to be chosen (she probably won’t be because professors – or is this an urban legend? – are unpopular among those who select jurors), to decide a naughty boys trial. As you know if you’re a regular reader of this blog, UD is fascinated by corruption.

As you also know if you read UD regularly, UD owns a house in New York – a house one hour away from Albany, where Sheldon and his buddies ran the show until they had to go to jail. This proximity to Albany has had UD fantasizing about how amazing it would have been to be one of the jurors on Sheldon’s case – Sheldon, the pride of Yeshiva University…

You don’t have to know the language

In a Texas public school