First he had to crap all over Jim Mattis; now, hours later, he has to strain to shit out a second doodoo, over John Allen. Fucking military heroes!

[T]he president … tweeted that he intended to designate [antifa] a terrorist organization—never mind that he has no authority to designate any domestic movement as such. Those of us who’ve looked closely at homegrown violent extremism do, in fact, agree that a domestic terrorism statute should exist. And were such a statute to come into being, the obvious targets for designation as domestic terrorists are, first and foremost, violent white supremacist groups and individuals who provide material assistance to these groups. And even if antifa is found to fit the statute as well, let me be clear: White supremacists have murdered, lynched, tortured, terrorized, oppressed, and discriminated against black Americans from the beginning of the idea of America. They have killed black Americans by the thousands, often in the most horrific ways imaginable. Far more damage to the United States has come from these terrorists—fascists, Klansmen, and neo-Nazis, all feeling newly empowered today—than those who have opposed them.

Sing along.

If I were King of the Nation — not queen, not duke, not prince.
My regal robes of the Nation, would be satin, not cotton, not chintz.
I’d command each thing, be it fish or fowl.
With a woof and a woof and a royal growl.
As I’d click my heel, all the trees would kneel.
And the mountains bow and the bulls kowtow.
And the sparrow would take wing – If I – If I – were King!

Each network would show respect to me. Reporters genuflect to me.
Though my tongue would lash, I would show compash
For every underling!
If I – If I – were King!
Just King!
Monarch of all I survey — Mo–na-a-a–a-arch of all I survey!

Your majesty, if you were King, you wouldn’t be afraid of anything?
Not nobody! Not no how!
Not even a coronavirus?
Impossirirus!
How about a Constitutionus?
Why, I’d thrash it from top to boottomus.
Supposing you met an elephant?
I’d wrap him up in sellaphant.
What if it were a brontosaurus?
I’d show him who’s King of the forest!

How!? How!?
Courage.
What makes a king out of an ass? Courage.
What waves the flag on the mast? Courage.
What makes the elephant charge his tusks
In the misty mist
Or the dusky dusk
What makes the muskrat guard his musk?
Courage.
What makes the Sphinx the seventh wonder?
Courage.
What makes the dawn come up like thunder?
Courage.
What makes the Hottentots so hot?
What puts the ape in apricot?
What do they got that I ain’t got?

Courage.

You can say that again.

… scientist?

Kushner was a reportedly mediocre student whose billionaire father appears to have bought him a place at Harvard.

********

The original headline on Michelle Goldberg’s piece was JARED KUSHNER IS GOING TO GET US ALL KILLED. Now it’s PUTTING JARED KUSHNER IN CHARGE IS UTTER MADNESS. I guess the first one was a bit over the top.

*********

Seth Meyers:

Oh, you’re doing your own [ventilator need] projections? Did your parents just buy you a TI-84 [graphing calculator]? … You’re not qualified to do anything, let alone tell New York how many ventilators they need. You’re a nepotism case, and you only got the White House job because you married into the family, and because the security guards believed your fake ID.

Andrew Sullivan.

Eventually, everyone who voted for him will be cited for criminal negligence.

Campaign song:

Make the world go away
Get it off of my shoulders
Bolton, Kelly, what the hey?
Just make the world go away.
Do you remember when you served me
Before your conscience won the day?
Well if you do, then show some pity
And make the world go away. Make the world go away
Get it off of my shoulders
Say the things you used to say
And make the world go away.

[The Trump Hotel in Washington DC] has still struggled to fill its rooms. In November, the Washington Post reported that the Trump International had only filled roughly half of its rooms throughout the year and lagged behind competing hotels in its occupancy rate…

It has been put up for sale.

**********

Wow. That was quick. New name: Bernie Bros’ Vegan Takeout.

As the president’s current lawyers line up for inspection, UD floods with nostalgia for erstwhile Trump attorney Marc Kasowitz who you have already forgotten existed, damn you, but UD will never forget this man, and she insists you go to this page to recall a time… and what a time…

… Trump implored Rex Tillerson, then secretary of state, to help him jettison the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. “It’s just so unfair that American companies aren’t allowed to pay bribes to get business overseas,” Trump whines to a group of aides…

… While visiting Pearl Harbor, according to John F. Kelly, Trump’s former chief of staff, Trump seemed to have no idea what had actually happened there. Throughout he is misinformed and confused while at the same time utterly certain of himself.

… Administration lawyers came up with a nickname for Matthew Whitaker, the former acting attorney general. They called him Mongo, after the illiterate galoot played by Alex Karras in the Mel Brooks movie “Blazing Saddles.”

On the college level, football players were not exempt from sexual assault allegations. Just look at what women suffered at Baylor University as a result of the “institutional failures at every level” under the leadership of Art Briles and then-school president Ken Starr (yeah, that Ken Starr.) One lawsuit alleged that 31 Baylor football players had committed 52 “acts of rape” between 2011 and 2014.

The university has settled several Title IX lawsuits with sexual assault survivors who accused officials of allowing a “rape culture” and failing to properly act against incidents of sexual assault. That included a Baylor volleyball player who alleged she was drugged and raped by at least four football players in 2012.

[Senate Republicans] know Trump did what he’s accused of and don’t care. Writing to Politico’s John F. Harris, a Trump supporter recently described the president as “our O.J.,” an apt analogy for Republicans’ vengeful determination to give a guilty man impunity. (As it happens, Trump will be represented by one of O.J. Simpson’s old lawyers, Alan Dershowitz, at his Senate trial.)

A Room Full of Jews

(sing it)

A room full of Jews
A room full of Trump:
"I'm getting everyone all pumped
Oh God you fucks
You only care about your bucks
Dear Mister Jew
You will jump 
When I say boo

I know you quite well
Don't like you at all
My name is Donald.  Donald Trump.
And you're all chumps
I have a lot more left to say
You: Make no sound!
You are lost
I am found"

… Trump for president.

… just-released announcement, the president has issued this tweet, from Mar-A-Lago:

It has become clear to me over the last few days that the circumstances relating to my treatment of Ukraine, a US ally and a country at war, have become a major disruption to the nation’s work.

Therefore, I will be stepping down from public duties.

I regret my ill-judged, self-serving behavior in regard to the interests of our country. My departure leaves many unanswered questions for the victims of my term as president. I am sorry, and I hope that in time they will be able to rebuild their lives. Of course, I am willing to help any appropriate law enforcement agency with their investigations, if required.