Emerald Fennell’s wondrously sicko “Wuthering Heights” is a real-time aesthetic parallel to the ever-elaborating Epstein/Mountbatten epic. She couldn’t have timed her exploration of our darkest urges more brilliantly: Her film pulses with the power of perversity, but does its thing playfully, as art will.

In the real world we cluck and cluck about famous greedy depraved self-destroyers. We pretend astonishment at each new twisted twist.

As in:

The Nurse Racheds among us gasp to find ICE Barbie melting in the arms of her sub! Before this, she was a perfectly normal person who shot puppies (Heathcliff hanged them).

Canadian doo-doos are now deep in doo-doo.

The phrase ‘courting death’ comes to mind.

Can’t make this shit up.

Predatory journals take your two thousand bucks and publish anything you send. We all know this.

But Pascual Diago, a math professor solicited by a predatory ob/gyn rag, decided to go there. His abstract:

In an unprecedented quantum leap in interdisciplinary research, we introduce the concept of ‘Gyneco-Obstetric Algebraic Didactics’ (GOAD). This paper explores the impact of teaching mathematical models using obstetric metaphors on the cognitive flexibility of third-trimester patients and first-year mathematics students alike. Through the introduction of the Ovary-Function Theorem (OFT) and the application of the Cervix-Dilation Equation (D = √πr²), the study reveals that explaining non-Euclidean spaces through pelvic retroversion significantly improves calculus test scores and reduces birth anxiety by 13.7%. A case study with pregnant mathematicians and aspiring gynecologists demonstrates that integrating the Fibonacci sequence into labor progression charts induces spontaneous appreciation for abstract algebra and mild cravings for prime numbers. These findings challenge the traditional boundaries between prenatal care and set theory, suggesting that mathematical didactics and obstetric gynecology, when merged, can birth new paradigms in both fields. Further research is encouraged, especially in the context of cesarean matrices and post-partum group theory.

Of course they published it.

LOLOLOL

… we Americans have followed the modern history of the British monarchy with confusion (why does it still exist?) and amazement (did King George really let the Romanovs be shot to bits?).

While we’re vaguely aware that the current Norwegian royal family is just as stuffed with morons and degenerates as the British, we’re less interested because, I mean, history… But the fact is, we remain baffled by the behavior and also the continued existence of The Crown.

*****************

The Guardian has a nice insider’s take on it all, from which maybe we can learn. Let’s see…

The royal family’s defenders claim that they were once the country’s moral anchor. That was rarely, if ever, true. But the Epstein files reveal where entitlement without restraint, and privilege without responsibility, can lead.

Yeah but if it was never true… And if – call it regal evolution – descends ultimately to Andrew (and hey it can always descend lower!), then why…

Public anger is brewing against the monarchy – a keystone of a political order in urgent need of radical reconstruction, along with the electoral system and the upper house. It would seem absurd for the prime minister to ask Mr Mountbatten-Windsor to give evidence to US lawmakers, but not to MPs. The monarchy is not accountable to parliament. Commons rules bar “reflections” on the royals, rendering meaningful debate taboo. In 2011 David Cameron relinquished MPs’ oldest check on royal power: control of the purse. His government replaced annual scrutiny of palace finances with an automatic transfer of crown estate revenues.

Um. Seems to be going in the wrong direction, what?

… fraud.

Or uh make that Thirty Under Thirty, its exclusive compilation of the most amazing young entrepreneurs.

Already four of the thirty have gone to jail or are on their way. Stay tuned for more!

Hard to see how you beat Monica Cannon-Grant’s achievements.

A ‘thesda tale from UD’s neck of the woods…

Yesterday a woman in a $2.3 million house exited her three-car garage in a black Porsche Cayenne ($100,000 – $190,000 value) to defend her right to the house, in which she’d been squatting for nine months.

In her defense, she pointed out the house lacked a no trespassing sign.

“We need to post one of those in front of our place pronto,” UD advised Mr UD. “A big one.”

That’s only a half dozen. She couldn’t think of a few more? Religion? Sexual preference? Body shape? (Moving toward a dozen here… Hold on. Lemme think.). Physical disability gets us to ten, but I’d love to get to twelve…

Age and genetic information. Tada!

… cabins, but here in America we come right out with it.

At a Miami nightclub called Vichy… I mean Vendome! … some of the country’s highest profile fascists ordered up a Nazi rap song the other night and sang and saluted along with it. A fine time was had by all, plus they’re getting a lot of attention.

As for UD – meh. Millions of people love fascism in one or another of its forms, and she’s having trouble being scandalized by singing Hitlers.

More thunderingly obvious truths are offered about McMansion Melancholia, this time in the Washington Post… Study after study demonstrates that, if your pointless excess rooms function to hold your pointless excess purchases, you are likely to be unhappy about it.

Gazing at the shit-stashes all about you, you may find yourself toppling over into larger terrains of sadness… As in … ah, the pointlessness of it all!

UD has already described the nothingness of her aunt and uncle’s Potomac MD McMansion, a house intended mostly for status display.

Which display certainly worked, because they were robbed of their jewelry more than once.

Veteran UD readers know what to make of people who, like the Wizard of Oz and Harold Hill the Music Man, are always tossing around advanced degrees. They are almost invariably con men.