… university athletics program in the United States, does it again. Scan some of these posts to remind yourself — no, to convince yourself, because it’s actually unbelievable — that the citizens of an American state have for decades allowed their money to subsidize criminal players; overpaid, rule-breaking coaches whose immense buyouts go on forever; endlessly litigious athletics staff employees; and an athletics department currently running – amid declining ticket sales – a four million dollar deficit. Wouldn’t you expect, at this point, at least a modest grassroots protest somewhere? We’d like to be paying for a real university that doesn’t embarrass us kind of thing? I mean… butt-chugging, anyone?

But with every new squalid story — this one about the recruitment of a thief (other schools didn’t want him; Tennessee was thrilled to take him) who has now apparently begun stealing on campus — the people of Tennessee sit there, as if they think the reason they pay tens of millions to university coaches is so that these people can make brilliant decisions like these…

Don’t Tennesseans ever wonder whether the University of Tennessee has a president? Don’t they ever wonder why this person never appears, never makes statements?

Or how ’bout those trustees?

The athletics director at scandal-mad University of North Carolina Chapel Hill is “speaking out,” reports a local news station. No more waffling, no more evasion!

He is now ready to announce that “the Carolina program is not perfect, and that he’s working to fix the problems.”

And that’s not all.

In response to allegations that football player Erik Highsmith plagiarized course papers from “blogs written by 11-year-olds” Cunningham announced “[W]e’ve got outstanding student athletes.”

Keep up the new fresh air policy, Bubba!

… UD learns that Graham Spanier, once president of Penn State, has been charged with “obstruction of justice, perjury, conspiracy, endangering the welfare of children and failure to report allegations of child abuse.”

In the Jerry Sandusky sex scandal,

emails show that [Tim] Curley, [Gary] Schultz and Spanier at first agreed to report the allegations by [Mike] McQueary to child welfare authorities, but that Curley later changed his mind “after talking it over with Joe” — a reference to Paterno. They then developed a new plan to encourage Sandusky to seek professional help, according to the Freeh report. “This approach is acceptable to me,” Spanier wrote in a Feb. 27, 2001 email to Curley and Schultz. The only downside for us if the message isnt ‘heard’ and acted upon, and we then become vulnerable for not having reported it. But that can be assessed down the road. The approach you outline and a reasonable way to proceed.”

These new charges not only bring back the Penn State scandal; they remind us of its profound dimensions: The president of a major American university is now accused of a shocking list of crimes.

A Yale student alludes to the recent cheating scandal at Harvard, exactly the sort of thing that happens when you start caring more about sports than academics.

What has happened to Hollywood Mack Brown? Here you have a five million dollar a year football coach at your typical American university, a model for universities all over the world, with its own television network wholly dedicated to filming every waking moment of its football team. There are hundreds of millions of dollars at stake in this wall-to-wall coverage, and pretty much the entire attention of the university seems riveted to practice sessions, pre-game interviews, games, and post-game interviews. As coach, Mack is a media darling, constantly on camera at the University of Texas Longhorn Network.

But all that money and attention still isn’t making him happy. Mack feels overwhelmed, feels his team is overexposed… He’s getting paranoid about opponents being able to watch every little thing his guys do on the field. He resents having to spend hours every week getting interviewed.

If you’re the Longhorn coach, life is one long makeup session. Here are some tips for him.

From the student paper at the University of South Dakota (My comments are in parentheses.):

‘With a 10-3 lead over Western Illinois and a crowd of 10,200, the University of South Dakota football team had it all going for them heading into halftime of the Dakota Days game Oct. 6.

“We need the students to be completely honest with us,” Sayler said. “We want them to tell us what they want to see at football games. If they are leaving because our team loses, or because there isn’t enough interaction, we want to know. Once we have a clear understanding at what is driving students away at halftime, we will being to work towards improving the experience as much as we can.” ‘ [I think the university knows perfectly well why students leave. They’re basically bored. Being drunk, as we know, is an excellent way to tolerate boredom. They’re leaving because they don’t feel drunk anymore, and as result they’re bored.]

The solution seems to UD obvious. You’ve got everything else in place – presents, student heavy music. You’ve almost put them out. But without something like this –

– a personal at-will dispensing mechanism at every seat so they can suck on that teat the minute they start to feel sober – you’re going to lose clients.

She’s not sure why, but when she has lain abed contemplating all of our great states, she has had a tendency to overlook Missouri.

Thanks to the athletics department at the University of Missouri, however, the state has found a way to worm its way into her consciousness.

How can she forget the YouTube of Mizzou’s football coach trying to recite the alphabet? The salary and incentives the university gives this fantastic representative of the life of the mind? Their quarterback who made a sextuple play? The moving testimonials from MU’s professors about what it’s like to teach there?

No, UD will never forget Missouri again. It has burned itself into her consciousness, and she certainly doesn’t need to hear about Mizzou’s Michael Schumacher in order to jog her memory.

Director of [athletic department] video operations Michael Schumacher spent $7,605.50 [of university money] in a single night at Olympic Garden, a club conveniently located on the Strip that “feature[s] literally hundreds of the world’s most beautiful ladies (known as the Dreamgirls) in a relaxing and spacious setting.” One of those charges included a $2,000 tip on a $4,400 bill. Maybe I don’t understand how strip clubs work, but was Schumacher being extra generous, or is “tip” just how you say “blowjob” on a receipt?

————–
UD thanks Dave.

You can’t put a price tag on what big-time athletics does for America’s universities.

A video of [University of Wyoming football coach Dave] Christensen’s exchange with Air Force coach Troy Calhoun was posted online on Thursday. As of Monday afternoon, the video had more than 105,000 views.

The video starts with Christensen cursing in the direction of the Air Force team before meeting Calhoun for the post-game handshake. He accuses Calhoun of having quarterback Connor Dietz fake an injury to buy the Air Force staff extra time before the go-ahead touchdown. Christensen then continues his tirade by personally attacking Calhoun.

“I’d be f—— scared to death if I had a f—– like you defending me,” Christensen told Calhoun.

After being pulled away by his daughter toward the Wyoming locker room, Christensen finished by saying:

“Go get in your f—— press conference, fly boy.”

The comments came on Wyoming’s “Military Appreciation Day.”

Well, it’s a beautiful match-up. This year’s scandal-plagued darling, North Carolina Chapel Hill, and comical, pathetic Minnesota with its $800,000 bill not to play football.

Right here in Tubby City!

It’s really been the year of the coaches, hasn’t it? These incredibly well compensated university employees (at public universities they tend to have the highest state salary) can accumulate all the losses, scandals, and lawsuits they like – there’s always another school begging for them to take millions of dollars and be the most powerful person on campus.

Take Mike Kramer, fired by Montana State, where he didn’t notice or whatever a sophisticated drug market run by a bunch of his players. The drug scandal and a nasty lawsuit behind him, Kramer was pantingly courted by Idaho State, which knew a winner when it saw one.

So now the police are investigating Kramer because he shoved a player a mite too hard (he’s been accused of this sort of thing in the past), and the player is hurt, angry, and suing. Plus there’s a videotape of the incident.

I know what you’re saying. But UD, it’s not as though he forced him to have sex in a shower! Point taken. Still, it’s kind of disturbing…

From Mile High Sports:

A long-time donor to the University of Colorado athletics department entered Folsom Field prior to Thursday night’s latest embarrassment on national television, as the Buffs fell 51-17 to Arizona State.

It just so happened he and his group ran into Phil DiStefano, the chancellor of the University of Colorado-Boulder.

The donor asked DiStefano about [rumored new] facilities.

[The chancellor] asked the long-time supporter if he “[had] $50 million to donate to make it happen.”

When the donor admitted that he would fall significantly short of the absurd total that flew out of the chancellor’s mouth, he [the donor] reminded him that he had donated significantly over the years.

“Donors need to donate to make it happen; if you can get $50 million, we can get the facilities,” he said over his shoulder as he stormed away.

The donor stood in shock, but not before yelling back out to the campus’ leader that his days of donating to the university were now over.

Spending most of your time deciding whether to sell booze in arenas; screaming back and forth about money in public — the august vocation of the American university leader.

Occasionally, as in the recent University of Virginia trustees rebellion, you get a glimpse of what matters most to some of the people entrusted with the integrity of an intellectual institution.

For the chair of the University of South Florida trustees, the win/loss record of the football team is paramount. Minutes after the team’s latest loss, he fired off an email to the president’s chief of staff.

Disgusting and unacceptable.

Imagine the roiling emotions that set going the email now heard ’round the world. Imagine the Boone Pickens-like intensity of this man’s desire. Imagine what he’ll write to Judy Genshaft when the team finally wins one.

Oh Judy Judy Judy! I can hardly catch my breath! We’ll be topping the Shanghai Ranking this year!

As sophomore Ryan Gall of Grosse Point, Mich., said of Ole Miss, “I understand why people fail out. I don’t understand why people transfer. If [coach] Hugh Freeze starts winning more games, this place will become the No. 1 destination of the SEC.”

Kaleigh Robins, a 21-year-old [Indiana University] student, said the atmosphere at tailgates has changed — in part because of an increased police presence.

“I’ve never been ID’d before at a tailgate before now,” Robins said.

Students also are banned from playing music at the tailgates, and she said there are no longer any “handles” — half-gallon bottles of liquor that are staples at college parties.

“It’s kind of sad,” she said.

Kristi Tan, a 23-year-old recent IU graduate, agreed.

“It’s like old glory died down…”