In other words: Game day!

These are routine, I know – but sometimes the details are good.

A Salem [Missouri] father and son both face weapon and drug offenses after a Saturday traffic stop located methamphetamine, heroin and a firearm…

… Leonard Eplin was making erratic movements towards the crotch of his pants and all three vehicle occupants were removed from the car. The vehicle was searched upon a K-9 officer indicating the odor of narcotics was present. An ammunition magazine containing four rounds was subsequently found under the front driver’s seat.

Upon initiating a search of the car’s trunk, Zakary and Leonard Eplin claimed it was inaccessible because it couldn’t be physically opened; however, it was found to easily open. Inside, a Taurus PT840 .40-caliber pistol matching the ammunition magazine was discovered wrapped in a black bandana inside a bag.

Zakary Eplin first denied ownership of the firearm but later said it was his upon his father telling officers his son had legally purchased it. When asked if he had anything illegal on his person, Leonard Eplin is quoted in the report as saying no and affirming, “I swear on my dead father’s grave.” A total of 17 heroin capsules and one gram of meth were later discovered hidden on his body while he was being processed for incarceration…

…they cling to guns and football.

But… you know… BRING ‘EM ON!

I suppose we should be grateful America’s latest obviously demented gun-bearer only killed two.

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[E]very country contains mentally ill and potentially violent people. Only America arms them.

Whether it’s the real game, at a high school, or the virtual game, at an entertainment complex, football and Florida go together like Smith and Wesson.

Put America’s most violent game together with virtually universal gun ownership, throw in an open public venue, and POOOOOF! Mass shooting.

The shots and shrieks are recorded by all the dying people, so the soundtrack of America writes itself: Concussive hits from the game; RATATATATATATATATA; fuck they’re shooting run; bodies running; grunts; bodies falling.

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And Parkland’s only four hours away! The Sunshine State’s full of opportunities – at many of the same locations! – to get killed in a large-scale event.

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Their flagship university.

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[E]very country contains mentally ill and potentially violent people. Only America arms them.

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SEVENTEEN TRILLION

“How many mass shootings in your state will it take for you to do something?” David Hogg tweeted to U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.).

Happy to oblige, Andrew; happy to oblige.

Our definitive, democratic game – with a play that lets everyone take part in running down the field.

Enjoy the instant replays.

In Chicago, One Weekend, 66 Shooting Victims, and Zero Arrests

For Every Manafort You See, There are so Many You Don’t

No arrests in Chicago; and “[f]ederal prosecutions of white-collar crime … are on track this year to reach their lowest level on record.”

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I guess that leaves pink collar crime and terrorism?

63 people have been shot, nine fatally, since 5 p.m. Friday. 34 of the shootings and five deaths occurred between 10 a.m. Saturday and 10 a.m. Sunday…

One paramedic described Saturday evening into Sunday morning as “a war zone.”

… Guv.

Meanwhile – thousands of people are sending thoughts and prayers.

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UD thanks dmf.

Postmodern techno-efficiency dispenses with irrational exuberance about suicide rates in America. If you want to keep rates high, make the act very simple and one hundred percent fatal.

The coach explains his no weapons policy for University of Florida football players.

“It’s a no-weapons policy in certain situations of how to be educated to not have (issues)…No weapons, that’s easy to remember. If I write out all the different (scenarios)—no weapons in these situations or have a weapon for a hunting situation, if I’m doing this, I store it at this location, I keep it here, I have gun safety rules and knowledge—that’s not a quick catch to them to register in their mind. Does that make sense?”

Which neatly explains why one of his players, found to have a loaded AR-15 in his car, will suffer no punishment.

As a Deadspin columnist rather querulously notes, ‘If a “no-weapon” policy isn’t designed to keep players from carrying assault weapons for the purposes of shooting people during altercations, there really is no point at all in having any weapons policy.’

Maybe it applies to nuclear weapons.

[A UF football player] told police he needed [a loaded AR-15 assault rifle in his car] for protection from locals in Gainesville because “they be coming after us.” The stop came after tension (and at least one fight) between some Gators and Gainesville residents, including Devante “Tay Bang” Zachery.

Best part of all: Police can’t arrest him. Cuz it’s perfectly fine to drive around the state of Florida with a loaded AR-15 in your car.

The University of Florida is well on its way to being America’s first university to host a protracted armed conflict on campus. Talk about town/gown.

… now has a very high-profile homicide.

Gun-mad Utah – there are municipalities there where you MUST keep guns – has done it again. Let’s see.

For those outside Utah’s batty-for-bullets culture, it’s not at all easy to get inside this special, universal-carry, littered-with-child-suicides, locale, but perhaps this will help: UD will take a few paragraphs from a local account of the baby changing table incident, and will autocorrect – Utahcorrect – the piece.

RUGER — The Salt and Ashes County District Attorney’s Office will review the case of a person who left a gun in a bathroom at the Dying Planet Automaticum.

A customer at the Automaticum left a revolver in the bathroom on Tuesday…

[The woman who brought the loaded gun into the no-weapons building] was very apologetic and embarrassed about leaving the gun in the bathroom… The woman said she had put the gun on the baby changing table and went to use the restroom… When she got out, her child started running around and she forgot to retrieve the gun…

Could happen to anyone! In Utah. Momma don’t go nowhere cepn she got her revolver nice and snug in her panties cuz you never know and folks is always trying to kill you specially in aquariums. But how do you drop em and do your business without your gun ploppin into the basin? Plus you got this kid runnin round!

Ah. Right across there in the stall – a nice soft white gun rest. Cradle it there real sweet while you pee and then… Lester? Lester what the hell are you doing? I can’t keep up with you …

And you know? I kinda remembered I dint have no gun as I was leaving the Automaticum but I was so busy with Lester and after all a nice bright loaded revolver is a kinda pay it forward thing… Like that new documentary is right you’re never too young to love a gun and it made me kinda happy thinking about the six-month old with a dirty nappy discovering the revolver and entering right then and there into the beautiful Utah way of life.