Even red-as-a-baboon’s-butt Oklahoma won’t let you carry unlicensed.

And then there’s the Fuck the NRA ad everyone’s talking about.

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And about that fuck. There happens to be a perfectly unprotested, completely legitimate charity called Fuck Cancer.

The NRA is a cancer.

We shouldn’t therefore be surprised to hear citizens saying Fuck the NRA. Lots of Americans have been explicitly saying Fuck the NRA for quite some time – long before this congressional candidate said it in his ad. The same red-hot anger that produces Fuck Cancer produces Fuck the NRA. Both kill a lot of people.

I’m sure the NRA’s new gunrunner president can handle Fuck the NRA. It goes with the territory.

Utah has long been one of America’s suicide-friendliest states, and now in just a few short months seven students at a high school there have killed themselves.

Says here parents should lock up their guns! I guess the idea is that if you have simple 100% fatal devices all over every countertop in your house, your moody impulsive fourteen year old might just grab one!

But even if you did go to the trouble of locking up your extensive arsenal, there’s the fact that Utah is also one of America’s friendliest open carry states. UD was there not long ago, and was pretty unnerved to see big ol’ guns bouncing off of people’s jeans while they walked through supermarket parking lots. You figure your moody impulsive fourteen year old might get ideas every day, simply by walking around town. I mean, it’s inspiring.

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The statistics are pretty shocking. If there’s ever a Book of Mormon 2, it would need to feature half of the original group of young missionaries going back to Salt Lake City and blowing their heads off.

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Fascinating comment thread here. Most commenters put the blame on religion. But there’s this:

If you have a teenager and a gun in your house, choose one and get rid of the other.

[H]e was sitting in the student pickup car line waiting for his child to get out of school when he decided to “clear” or unload his firearm. [H]e pointed the gun out the passenger side window and began pulling the slide back on the gun.

Deputies say multiple witnesses reported seeing [him] pointing the gun out the window of the truck.

… Deputies secured an unloaded .40 caliber Glock handgun, two magazines and 27 rounds of ammunition from inside of [the parent’s] truck.

Virginia Tech’s loss may be your school’s gain! The Hokies’ chance for another massacre of students and faculty just ticked down significantly with Yunsong Zhao’s decision not to return there once the court (he hopes) reinstates his visa; but that leaves hundreds of other schools to compete for this assault rifle-wielding, massively ammo-ed up little fella.

The nineteen year old squirt has adorably lawyered up as well, and sued everyone in sight to protect his right to blast your campus to bits.

… heroes, now a professional football player, dealt with a recent defeat of his team by taking out his gun and shooting it in the vicinity of players on the winning team.

Leon Mackey’s explanation – “It was an accident.” – is a real poser. UD looks forward to his attorney making the case that taking your gun out and shooting it in the direction of people with whom you’re fighting is an accident.

Or does he mean it’s an accident that he didn’t kill anybody?

More and more American parents are getting on board the Nancy Lanza Express!

On Aug. 24, 2017, sheriffs deputies in Tazewell County, Illinois took a state-issued card from Reinking that Illinois requires for someone to own a weapon. During a Sunday news conference streamed online, Tazewell County Sheriff Robert M. Huston said [Travis] Reinking volunteered to give up his four weapons.

However, Reinking’s father was present when those deputies came to confiscate the guns, Huston said. The father had a valid state authorization card and asked the police if he could keep the weapons. Deputies gave Reinking’s father the weapons, Huston said.

“He was allowed to do that after he assured deputies he would keep them secure and away from Travis,” Huston said, referring to Reinking’s father.

Huston and Nashville Police Chief Steve Anderson said they believe Reinking’s father returned the weapons to Reinking.

Give your insane child an AR-15 today.

Sing it, l’il fella!

O-ho the Wells Fargo Wagon is a-comin’ down the street
Oh please let it be for me!

And Smith and Wesson sent revolvers: one for me, one you!

… American-style!

… diplomatically. Or you can just say it. It is what it is.

But when your country has 133 million guns lying around, it’s a problem.

I’ve pretty much given up covering, on this blog, the incessant stories about loaded guns left in restrooms, park benches, classrooms, and hospitals. About twelve year olds walking around the neighborhood holding AR-15s. Guns in this country are like falling leaves in the autumn, seashells in the summer, snowflakes in the winter, and pollen in the spring. It’s raining guns.

Because of all the mass killings, many Americans are currently scared shitless about getting ripped to shreds by an AR-15, so we’re seeing far more reporting of threats and sightings and all. Before everyone got scared shitless, I guess the sight of a little boy walking in front of your house carrying an AR-15 was like, okay. Fine. But now it’s like wait maybe that’s not good.

So even though we’re pretty stupid ’round these parts, it begins to look as though the fact that guns are dangerous is sinking in.

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Or rather – times being what they are – fifty thousand bullets.

Syracuse was lucky – a gun store owner reported the student; his landlord happened to enter his apartment and told police about his arsenal; he’s not an American and was rapidly deported.

What about your school? Are things going to break your way?

Declaring itself “disappointed” with Norman, who began a constituent meeting in his state by taking out a loaded pistol and leaving it on a table between him the audience because – in Norman’s words – “I”m not going to be a Gabby Giffords,” the National Rifle Association has withdrawn its endorsement from a politician who – in the words of a spokesperson – “chose, in the face of danger, to display a pistol rather than open-carry an assault weapon.”

“Representative Norman’s preparation for his latest voter meet and greet included neither body armor nor PBIED,” the NRA press release noted. “Well-sourced reports also indicate that Norman greeted supporters at a recent Campaign Volunteers High Tea with little more than a pink Hello Kitty gun.”

“It was a last-minute event and I grabbed something from my toddler’s room,” said Norman, who pledged it would not happen again.

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Aw you guys is no fun!

The South Carolina Democratic Party released this statement: “According to Section 16-23-410 of the South Carolina code, “it is unlawful for a person to present or point at another person a loaded or unloaded firearm’…

“By his own admission, US Rep Ralph Norman brandished a loaded gun in a public setting on Friday to make a point. Not only were his actions irresponsible and dangerous – they were illegal.

“As any truly responsible gun owner knows and as the statute says, if you have a concealed carry permit, you cannot brandish your weapon without an imminent threat. It’s dangerous and it’s illegal. And today Congressman Norman showed us that he’s anything but responsible,’ said South Carolina Democratic Party Chairman Trav Robertson. “This is a felony offense and punishable by up to five years in prison. That’s why I will be sending an official request to SLED to investigate Congressman Norman’s dangerous actions.

Chairman Robertson continued, “Rep. Norman only did this because he barely got elected the first time and needs votes. He’s worried about his campaign. This was a stunt and he should be punished for violating the law. I hope law enforcement moves swiftly to resolve the matter. It didn’t work for Roy Moore and it won’t work for Ralph Norman.”

Well but t’aint the same! Ol’ Roy dint just brandish guns! He fucked underage girlies too!

It’s America’s newest pastime — when you run out of room at home for your 500th stockpiled weapon, start storing in your kid’s backpack.

[Sun has] always been interested in building a law enforcement career and [has] already enrolled in a US university to study criminal justice, starting from August this year.

Let’s hope it’s a school that shares his passion for mass killing.

Here at University Diaries, we’re following one of many stories involving teeny weeny middle school and high school students accumulating massive arsenals and tipping off school buddies that they plan to massacre everyone in the place. The buddies then tip off the principal, who tips off the police, who visit the babe’s home and find … you know … standard boy stuff…

In a sea of teenagers stockpiling weaponry with which to kill everyone at their school, this guy stands out for the sheer depth and range of his armory, apparently maintained with the happy collusion (encouragement?) of his parents in Taiwan and his host mother here. (His host mother, knowing the police were on their way, took the kid’s weaponry out of the house and gave it to a friend so she could lie and say the kid didn’t have weaponry. The police eventually found it anyway.)

All the major networks are featuring the kid and his famous parents (they’re actors in Taiwan), and Homeland Security is on the scene, reading all of his electronic devices. But hey. His parents have issued a request that we all respect their privacy as they go through the process of watching the American justice system put their kid away for years, onaccounta making terroristic threats and holding – hiding – mucho illegal weaponry is for some reason lately around here a very big deal.

Here’s why we should all stop talking about this: The folks have explained that it was all a linguistic misunderstanding – their kid said something, I guess, to his friend, but due to the language barrier an unfortunate misunderstanding ensued. Even if, haha, he did say something about killing everyone in his school, he was just kidding. Not only that, but all the personal armor in the kid’s stash was bought exclusively for Halloween. So keep your trap shut.