Mass gun slaughter: It’s everywhere you want to be!

… these are among the universities near last night’s mass shooting at a college night in a bar in Thousand Oaks.

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“[E]very country contains mentally ill and potentially violent people. Only America arms them.”

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Also Pepperdine, Moorpark…

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“[S]ome [of the victims] were survivors of the massacre at the Route 91 Harvest Festival in Las Vegas that left 58 dead last year.”

… in Florida.

The 21-year-old FSU student she was with was also murdered.

Motive? Too early to say but here’s a guess: The student broke up with the killer, or wouldn’t date him …

So many murders. You’ve probably already forgotten about her colleague.

… “stunned”?

Beautiful weather, a low cost of living and gorgeous natural surroundings haven’t stopped Louisiana’s capital city from making it big in the world of crime and murder. Baton Rouge has outdone the rest of the state, which is [itself] 40 percent more violent than the nation as a whole. New Orleans is more popular, so Baton Rouge seized the opportunity to top the violent crime list. Baton Rouge isn’t a very large city, but it manages to attract attention by having 49 murders annually. If you have a death wish, it’s a great destination.

Why would you send your kid to school there?

Southern University homecoming event.

When everybody’s got a gun, every day is a massacre. Cuz we all have problems to solve, and guns solve problems. That’s why everybody’s got a gun.

Now, women have kind of been a holdout, in that although they own pretty much as many guns as men, they have seemed reluctant to use them to kill everyone.

But just down the road from UD‘s own Port Deposit, Maryland, where her grandfather owned a department store, a woman took out her … whatever … AR-15? … and blew everyone away today.

Thursday’s incident was the third mass shooting in the past 24 hours.

… 25-year-old Shane Colombo, a native of Sun City, California, was in the 7600 block of North Clark Street in the Rogers Park neighborhood at about 8:25 p.m. Sunday when he was caught in crossfire between two people, Chicago police said. A statement from the university said Colombo was waiting at a bus stop.

Colombo was struck in his abdomen and was taken to Saint Francis Hospital in Evanston, where was pronounced dead at 9:02 p.m., police said.

… Colombo was planning to join Northwestern’s psychology Ph.D. program as an incoming student this fall, according to a statement from university officials. He received a bachelor’s degree from San Francisco State University and was in the process of moving to Chicago from New York, where he was a researcher at Columbia University’s Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience Lab.

You can bet on it.

In other words: Game day!

These are routine, I know – but sometimes the details are good.

A Salem [Missouri] father and son both face weapon and drug offenses after a Saturday traffic stop located methamphetamine, heroin and a firearm…

… Leonard Eplin was making erratic movements towards the crotch of his pants and all three vehicle occupants were removed from the car. The vehicle was searched upon a K-9 officer indicating the odor of narcotics was present. An ammunition magazine containing four rounds was subsequently found under the front driver’s seat.

Upon initiating a search of the car’s trunk, Zakary and Leonard Eplin claimed it was inaccessible because it couldn’t be physically opened; however, it was found to easily open. Inside, a Taurus PT840 .40-caliber pistol matching the ammunition magazine was discovered wrapped in a black bandana inside a bag.

Zakary Eplin first denied ownership of the firearm but later said it was his upon his father telling officers his son had legally purchased it. When asked if he had anything illegal on his person, Leonard Eplin is quoted in the report as saying no and affirming, “I swear on my dead father’s grave.” A total of 17 heroin capsules and one gram of meth were later discovered hidden on his body while he was being processed for incarceration…

…they cling to guns and football.

But… you know… BRING ‘EM ON!

I suppose we should be grateful America’s latest obviously demented gun-bearer only killed two.

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[E]very country contains mentally ill and potentially violent people. Only America arms them.

Whether it’s the real game, at a high school, or the virtual game, at an entertainment complex, football and Florida go together like Smith and Wesson.

Put America’s most violent game together with virtually universal gun ownership, throw in an open public venue, and POOOOOF! Mass shooting.

The shots and shrieks are recorded by all the dying people, so the soundtrack of America writes itself: Concussive hits from the game; RATATATATATATATATA; fuck they’re shooting run; bodies running; grunts; bodies falling.

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And Parkland’s only four hours away! The Sunshine State’s full of opportunities – at many of the same locations! – to get killed in a large-scale event.

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Their flagship university.

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[E]very country contains mentally ill and potentially violent people. Only America arms them.

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SEVENTEEN TRILLION

“How many mass shootings in your state will it take for you to do something?” David Hogg tweeted to U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.).

Happy to oblige, Andrew; happy to oblige.

Our definitive, democratic game – with a play that lets everyone take part in running down the field.

Enjoy the instant replays.