I dunno.
I just like the headline.
It has contrast (sacred/profane); it has linguistic ambiguity (If English weren’t your first language, wouldn’t you have a bit of a struggle with HEART BACK?).
And then the story itself – a football player at a Catholic college in Connecticut is a pretty significant oxycodone dealer – has some good elements. He’s from Florida, for instance… And down there – Pill Mill Capital of the World – lots of folks sell pain pills… So many that universities might want to take special care with applicants from, say, Broward County (pain pill capital of the pain pill capital)…