— the Marshall University football team manages to do it all: It gives an already intellectually-challenged state the gift of a high-profile jock-schlock university; it keeps the school barefoot and poor by extorting immense athletic fees from students; it refuses to allow anyone to examine its finances; and – of course – goes without saying – its team is in and out of jail.
UD likes the delicacy of this lede about the latest detainee:
An off-field incident has cast a bit of a pall over Marshall’s clinching of its first-ever Conference USA division title.
Oh teehee yes to be sure there was a wee incident wasn’t there? What was it… Oh yes one of our running backs beat the shit out of his girlfriend, burst a wine bottle on his bathroom floor with such force it broke the tiles, and then obstructed the police, didn’t he? My goodness. His second arrest in seven months. Dear me. But think of all the pressure he was under for the division title game! Ever heard of blowing off steam?
He’ll be back on the team in no time.