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“Coming Thanksgiving Eve, San Antonio John Jay takes on Sayreville High School in the first ever Walmart Awful Bowl, Presented by Comcast, at Beaver Stadium in University Park, Pa. Featuring honorary co-captains Aaron Hernandez and Lawrence Phillips…”

High school refs and umps are falling left and right. This tyke killed a soccer ref; this one killed … a soccer ref! But this one… I mean, haha, these two… killed… nah hell they just assaulted him give them a break… a football ump.

Football comment threads now routinely feature remarks like the one in my headline, in which the writer sweeps up our fondest, most recent, game memories into one long sentimental sentence.

*************

As soon as these two are out of jail, Baylor’s gonna come knocking, since the guys have demonstrated a capacity for violence our highest-profile sports factories get off on.

If, on release, they film themselves gang-raping someone, their recruitment at our very top-ranked football universities is guaranteed.

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Ah, Texas. Special Texas coverage of a Texas event. Headline in the Dallas Morning News:

WHEN PASSION TURNS TO VIOLENCE

Ah oui, so it was love’s burning passion! There’s a thin line between love and hate, and those lads, bless them, entered the field with so much love for the game burning in their hearts… But love can lead us astray… There’s that book, Men Who Love Too Much… They should read that book…

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Thanks, Texas! We’ve made it into the international leagues. Even footballers are impressed.

UD thanks Mondo.

Margaret Soltan, September 7, 2015 10:16AM
Posted in: sport

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