… had nothing to do with the drug-market past of the fraternity to which all of the victims belonged. From what UD is reading, it was instead about that most common and toxic campus brew:

1. A party.

2. Alcohol.

3. Guns.

4. Groups of young men.

Specifically, UD has over the years read many stories about drunk male students barred from, or kicked out of, parties, and murderously pissed about it. This particular guy – the shooter – grew up with a silver Glock in his mouth and seems to have spent most of his eighteen years (eighteen! how fast the nation’s little shooters shoot up!) preparing himself for the moment when he’s annoyed enough to begin strafing a public space. As one of his friends delicately puts it, “Steven was a bit of a hothead when it came to small, personal quibbles.”

Oh dear oh my oh yes those pesky personal quibbles.

Gwendolen. Do you allude to me, Miss Cardew, as an entanglement? You are presumptuous. On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to blow your brains out with this Beretta. It becomes a pleasure.

Cecily. Do you suggest, Miss Fairfax, that I entrapped Ernest into an engagement? How dare you? This is no time for wearing the shallow mask of manners. When experiencing a quibble I bring out my Bushmaster. [G. and C.’s heads simultaneously explode into bloody stumps.]

But rest easy. Now that more and more campuses are legally compelled to allow students like this one to carry guns onto their streets and into their classrooms, we can expect future NAU-like events to produce large-scale, protracted, three-way (party-barring group; party-barred group; police) gun battles. Think Waco bikers.

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One Response to “If a recent report is correct, the Northern Arizona University shooting…”

  1. charlie Says:

    Man, I’m glad this idiot wasn’t in any of my Econ classes. What would’ve happened if someone challenged his notion of monetary policy?

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