As Trump mentally deteriorates, this 1999 article prepares us for what to expect. For Trump, it’s pardons; for John Paul II it was blessings.
“We are, of course, very concerned for His Holiness’ mental condition,” said chief papal physician Giuseppe Clementi, standing by the pope’s bedside, surrounded by dozens of newly consecrated pill bottles, urine-specimen cups and orthopedic slippers. “Pretty much anything you hold up in front of his face these days, he blesses.” [At an airport recently,] the pope broke free of his handlers and blessed a luggage cart, a podium, a Life photographer’s camera, the plane’s left-side landing gear, three TWA flight attendants, and two of the Swiss Guard who were attempting to release his grip on the landing struts and subdue him. Upon realizing that he was being physically restrained, the pope worked his papal-signet-ring-bearing right hand free and blessed the entire aircraft, which now resides in its own special five-story grotto under St. Peter’s Basilica.
The pope’s blessing rampage also necessitated the construction of a 40,000-square-foot reliquary for the storage of thousands of now-holy items. Housed in the structure are such hallowed objects as the Blessed Vacuum Cleaner Of St. Matthew, the Consecrated Ball Of Crumpled-Up Paper, and the Sacred Zagnut Bar Of Christ, which the pope discovered and blessed during his recent U.S. visit.
Along with handing out pardons to everyone he encounters, Trump can be expected to offer to grab the pussy of any woman he meets, and to ask random Americans if they will let him spray hydroxychloroquine into their ass.