In a blistering speech broadcast today, Senator Rand Paul (pictured) attacked Anthony Fauci as “traitorous scum that I will spit out like a midge.” America, he said, must “purify” itself of “seditious trash” like Fauci.
Analysts noted Rand’s puffy face and trembling hands as indicators of rage and frustration that his long campaign to destroy Fauci continues to meet with failure. Observers found particularly chilling Rand’s flourishing, at one point, of a poisoned-tip umbrella.
[satire]