… where will the mass shooting take place – inside the courtroom or out? Assault weapons are absolutely everywhere in and around the South Carolina courthouse, with the latest use involving the lead defense attorney pointing one at the prosecution table and saying, to general amusement, “Tempting.” As things fail to go the defense’s/Murdaugh’s way, we can certainly expect some firepower to be released. Let’s consider the possibilities.

1.) The extended Murdaugh clan seems in possession of hundreds of AR-15-style score-settlers, and if the prosecution keeps sayin bad shit about their bro they might could get a court official buddy to slip in their weaponry, and then they’d kill a bunch of opposing counsel and rescue Alex and move the clan down Mexico way.

2.) Some lunatic local racist has been, let’s say, steaming bigtime about a black man, of all things, presiding over a white folks trial. Don’t make the state look good when uppity you know whats sit way up there in robes telling state senators their objections are overruled. He too smuggles in his AR-15, blows the judge away, is himself shot full of holes, and in the general pandemonium six other people, including three jurors, are killed. Mistrial!

3.) Didn’t think I’d forget the suicide scenario, did you? Alex, who has already tried something along these lines, uses his superior height/strength to overpower court security and blows his brains out. “You’ve destroyed this great and good man!” shout the defense team, initiating a riot so severe that shots must be fired to quell it. Four people die, fourteen critically wounded.

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Guns kill and we have 400 million of them and counting. Only one country in the world has constitutionally protected arms possession with minimal regulations — the United States. Not even the most primitive of societies can compete now with our new predictable savagery.