JD Vance — hump-mad, childed, wannabe vice president — addresses the nation on the cautionary tale of Mel Tucker, once one of America’s most highly paid coaches (around one hundred mill for a few years work) who, simply because he masturbated rather than coitused, was thrown out of his coaching job, and now has to sue MSU for hundreds of millions of dollars to get some of that loot back!
“My fellow uni-ethnic Americans: Mel Tucker had a choice. He could insert himself procreationally into his wife and increase his low yield of only two children so far. Or he could nonprocreationally pleasure himself while having phone sex with a woman not his wife. Because he took the ungodly path, Tucker lost everything, and America [weeping] lost a child.”