Jalen [Kitna] was the 44th ranked QB in the country coming out of high school, choosing [the University of Florida] over offers from Boston College, Georgia Tech, Liberty, and Tennessee.

You just missed – by this much! – having child pornography added to your long list of whacked out campus erotic exploits.

******************

As for what this means for the Univ. of Florida: On the upside, it’ll give people someone to talk about other than Aaron Hernandez. And the like.

… from whom this blog has long demanded the very highest levels of institutional dementia, and in whom UD has in fact never been disappointed.

Way back in 2006, when UD encountered one of hundreds of Auburn’s fake courses / fake professors / fake departments sports scandals, she embarked upon her Auburn journey, replete with drunks and thugs and sex addicts — and that only describes the upper administration.

Auburn’s new head football coach comes from Liberty U., on whose campus the ambient heavy breathing is either paroxysmal prayer or President Falwell watching his wife fuck the pool boy.

Auburn, like Baylor University, broadcasts its spiritual superiority to us all while behaving in all ways with breathtaking moral degeneracy. It would be too fictional to believe if it weren’t all true. But Coach Hugh Freeze is true, and Auburn is true, and Baylor is true, and Liberty is true.

Because you don’t remain a big fat ethical shit-strip without the full-hearted support of your community, UD was shocked by a recent local jury decision in favor of an Auburn professor who pointed out that the school is a hypocritical cesspool, and who was subsequently systematically destroyed by the administration — everyone, including that week’s president (filthy schools like Auburn can’t keep presidents, cuz their … uh… sins are always in danger of exposure) fucked the guy over in Jesus’ name. The guy sued and won a bunch of money and Auburn got punitive fees imposed etc.

I mean, maybe, as in the case of the tanking Mr Fuckface himself — with his Big Bible Held Aloft + sex/money crimes, treason, and fascist anti-semitism — even the Deep South is tiring of the Shit All Over Jesus Shitshow.

Pablo Eisenberg, a hero of this blog (UD has forever shrieked at super-icky moneybags who give their hundreds of millions to Harvard), has died.

**************************

(By the way — Harvard’s current endowment woes – it has only just reached 53.2 billion dollars – have energized its alumni network to organize a massive, unprecedented, Save Our School campaign, with outreach via Go Fund Me pages in addition to traditional methods. “Our rainy day fund is down to 10.5 billion,” warns Sam Bankman-Fried, an MIT grad who nonetheless accepted a position as head of Harvard fund-raising because “Harvard is the lifeblood of Cambridge; when it goes, the city itself is imperiled.”)

**************************

And as to how to convince people who give their money to Ivy League schools, rather than to the sort of places Eisenberg lists in my headline, to redirect their money… Well, you need to understand the cohort you’re talking about, first of all.

Let’s consider, for example, billionaire investor Marc Wolpow, who gives money to fat cat Wharton. What do we know about Marc?

Here’s our most recent information.

The wealthy head of [a] multi-billion dollar private equity firm is under investigation by Nantucket Police and the state Environmental Police for purposefully untying a 32-foot boat from a slip at Old North Wharf, allowing it to drift out of the Easy Street Basin and into the ferry lane. 

The suspect is Marc Wolpow, the co-CEO and co-founder of the The Audax Group, who allegedly found an unknown boat in the slip he uses on Old North Wharf on the morning of Sunday, Oct. 16…

After Wolpow untied it, the boat drifted dangerously past Steamboat Wharf, got pushed northward in the wash of the car ferry the M/V Woods Hole, then collided with the $5 million, 70-foot Viking sportfishing boat “El Jefe” causing damage to that vessel. It eventually ran aground near 22 Easton Street. 

Reached by phone this week, Wolpow declined to comment. 

********************

Here’s what’s shocking about this story:

1 Just anyone reached Wolpow by phone.

2 Wolpow declined to comment.

Why allow just anyone to get past your protection squad and reach you by phone? That’s nuts.

Even more bizarre is Wolpow’s refusal to say the obvious about his behavior.

Heard of property rights, asshole? [“Asshole” here refers to the person who got through to Wolpow’s phone.] It’s my fucking slip, I own it, and I don’t have to look at some cheap shitty boat some person decided to put in it. Do you think I want Nantucket boat owners to think I have a cheap shitty boat? It’s my right to do whatever I like to cheap shitty boats and I think the fucker who put it in my slip will think twice before he does it again. Oh, and fuck you for calling me.

Getting a person of this sort (Marc Kasowitz, Howard Marks, Vinod Khosla, Noam Gottesman, the Heliport Guys, stop me when you’ve had enough) to give money to what he inevitably is going to consider cheap shitty recipients will be very difficult indeed.

… killing is something this blog has followed for a long time. (Feast your eyes.) Usually it’s guns, but sometimes students (see the marching band) just beat the shit out of people until they die.

Most recently, a shooter walked onto campus and killed one and injured four.

“To tell you the truth, I wasn’t surprised. [E]very time you turn around, there’s a shootout,” notes a person who lives across the street from the school. FAMU in particular, and Tallahassee in general, is just a mad wild ongoing BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG lately — guns galore, and they’re going off all the time and killing everybody. And hey lookit all they’re doing about it! Everything but anything about guns. Guns are sacred, and such a fine thing for our young people. Florida is WAY gun-friendly.

It’s a strange way, thinks UD, to go to college; but that is just your clueless elitist eastern seaboard dumdum speaking, isn’t it. I’m sure everything’s fine down there.

LOL.

Immediately! Or our name ain’t The Theocratic Republic Of Israel.

… spied at The Wharf, where UD and her

sisters strolled yesterday, in spectacular

mild sunny winter weather.

Dick Morris: We need more like him.

Political strategist and best-selling author Dick Morris told Newsmax Friday that he’s predicting a mass extinction event for Democrats in the November midterm elections.

“I’m predicting something more than a tsunami, more than a tidal wave, more than an earthquake,” Morris said during an appearance on Newsmax’s “American Agenda.” “Do you remember, in the history books, how the theory is that a meteorite hit the Earth right around where the Caribbean Sea is and that the resulting dust killed all the dinosaurs and made them extinct? Well, that’s the magnitude of what I think is going to happen.”

Host Bob Sellers said, “Typically tsunamis come when the party out of power has 170 seats or something like that,” pointing out that Republicans currently hold 212 seats in the U.S. House of Representatives.

“I think they may go up to 270,” Morris said. “I think they may pick up 60 seats. That’s why I likened it to that prehistoric event because what I think you’re really dealing with, to a certain extent, is the extinction of an entire generation of Democratic wannabees, Democratic candidates, where they’re basically going to lose their whole freshman and sophomore class.“

October 2022.

There’s Joyce DiDonato’s voice, on display the other night at The Hours:

 [I]t is hard to focus on anyone else when DiDonato is onstage, often standing magnetically still. Her voice is clear in fast conversation, as she darkly relishes the words. Then, as the lines slow and expand, her tone grows smoky yet grounded, mellow yet potent. She plays Virginia [Woolf] as solemn and severe, but with a dry wit; if anything, she comes off as almost too robust to make paralyzing depression entirely plausible.

DiDonato is a commanding enough singer and presence to render persuasive what had seemed in [an earlier production] like bombastic overkill: a booming fantasy of London, a crashing evocation of incapacitating headaches. It’s only at the very top of its range that her voice tightens a bit; all in all, though, she gives a generous, noble portrayal, at its peak in her crushing delivery of lines from Woolf’s suicide note.

******************

I mean. If this doesn’t give you goosebumps with today’s roast goose…

And not expecting pardon,
Hardened in heart anew,
But glad to have sat under
Thunder and rain with you,
And grateful too
For sunlight on the garden.

A U. New Mexico basketball recruit has fled campus cuz of all the bullets whizzing by her in the dorm.

Due to the [two] shootings that have occurred at my apartment complex, as well as the on-campus shooting, I am saddened to say that I will be leaving the University of New Mexico. My family and I feel this is the best decision for me and my safety. I will be entering the transfer portal …

******

[Brooke] Berry’s mother, Amy Berry, told Ken Sickenger from the Albuquerque Journal that Saturday’s incident was “the last straw.”

“Brooke really likes the basketball team, and she wanted to stick it out, but she was scared,” she said. “She called us Sunday morning crying and said, ‘I want to come home,’ so her dad and I drove down 14 hours to get her. If something happened to her, we’d never forgive ourselves.”

Berry arrived in New Mexico from Billings, Mont. She lived at Lobo Village, a student-housing complex just west of the UNM basketball arena, otherwise known as The Pit. The two previous incidents happened close enough to Berry for her to be concerned for her safety. 

“Brooke called when a shooting was happening, and she was hiding in the bathtub,” the mother told the Journal. “I was thinking, ‘This is crazy.'”

***********

The university has released a statement.

Brooke’s being a real GIRL about this… Everyone at UNM has hidden in a bathtub during a gunfight outside their room! BFD! What a baby.

*************

The traditional New Mexico State/University of New Mexico men’s basketball rivalry game has been cancelled. The latest dorm killing was between members of the rival teams, and since NMSU killed a UNM guy the rivalry’s been settled: NMSU wins.

The two schools are working out a new money-saving arrangement in which the big game will not take place at all anymore. The schools will share the cost of weapons and ammo and let the guys work out the rivalry by killing each other every year at this time.

Meanwhile, though: GO NMSU!!!!!

‘Younger evangelicals are clearly rejecting their evangelical parents’ politics. Growing numbers of young evangelicals and former evangelicals are questioning or rejecting the movement’s teachings on a range of social issues, including sexual abstinence (so-called “Purity Culture”), LGBTQ equality, patriarchy, racism and climate change. They are more politically liberal than their parents and are “losing interest in the culture war.”

For some time now, “younger white evangelicals have become more permissive of abortion, (even as) older ones have moved in the opposite direction,” supporting more and more stringent abortion bans.

As a scholar of religion, I have long believed that pursuing a political strategy to change the Supreme Court has deformed evangelicalism, making it a political movement more than a theological one. When evangelicals supported Donald Trump by more than 80% in 2016, some students of the movement were surprised. How could the party of “Family Values” support a man who has five children by three different women? How could they continue to support him even after hearing him laugh about grabbing women by their private parts on the “Access Hollywood” tape?

If pundits had missed the signs that evangelicalism had traded its core theological values for political gains, its younger members seem to have figured it out.

Now, many young people are rejecting the label evangelical altogether, with some declaring themselves to be exvangelicals. Having lost sight of the core meaning of their movement, evangelicals are losing their children, first as voters, then as co-religionists.’

Valerie Cooper, Duke University

**********************************

Soon Trump will command only the demographic that SPECIALIZES in being dumb, reactionary, and hypocritical: The ultraorthodox.

And since most of them – UD predicts – will be moving to theocratic Israel, in flight from American officials who might soon put real pressure on them to allow their children to go from subliterate to marginally literate, UD will now make another prediction.

Realizing that he cannot win the presidency, Trump will take his adherents to the promised land, where he will work out a power-sharing arrangement with Netanyahu and Jerry Falwell, Jr., who will already have moved his flock there.

Richard M. Fierro said he was at a table in Club Q with his wife, daughter and friends on Saturday, watching a drag show, when the sudden flash of gunfire ripped across the nightclub. His instincts from four combat deployments as an Army officer in Iraq and Afghanistan instantly kicked in. Fight back, he told himself.

In an interview at his house, where his wife and daughter were still recovering from injuries, Mr. Fierro, 45, who left the Army in 2013 as a major, according to military records, described charging through the chaos at the club, tackling the gunman and beating him bloody with the gunman’s own gun…

[H]e raced across the room, grabbed the gunman by a handle on the back of his body armor, pulled him to the floor and jumped on top of him…

The gunman, who Mr. Fierro estimated weighed more than 300 pounds, sprawled onto the floor, his military-style rifle landing just out of reach. Mr. Fierro started to go for the rifle, but then saw that the gunman had a pistol as well.

“I grabbed the gun out of his hand and just started hitting him in the head, over and over,” Mr. Fierro said…

As the fight continued, he said, he yelled for other club patrons to help him. A man grabbed the rifle and moved it away to safety. A drag dancer stomped on the gunman with her high heels. The whole time, Mr. Fierro said, he kept pummeling the shooter’s head while the two men screamed obscenities at each other.

When police arrived a few minutes later, the gunman was no longer struggling, Mr. Fierro said, and he feared that he had killed him…

Teams often act in concert, and this togetherness can be very intense. So in Iran at the moment, you have two featured teams:

1. Team Mullah, composed of hundreds of bullet-spraying gray-bearded men wearing gowns and turbans and granny glasses.
2. Team Football, composed of eleven handsome robeless turbanless non-bullet-spraying young men.

TF is on the world’s screens at the moment, arms locked, refusing to sing Iran’s We are some wild and crazy religious nutbags national anthem at the World Cup; boos can be heard throughout the stadium, where men and women wear shirts with the names of women murdered because their hijabs were askew.

FROM: SpartanFans! Graphics, Lansing

TO: MSU Publications, Trey Nowak, Head, Pub Office

SUBJ: 2023-24 University Brochure

Hey Trey hope you’re having a great day. With this email, SF!G is excited to present our revision/addition to MSU’s student recruitment brochure.

With the university’s recent push to get students to gamble, we brainstormed how we can exploit this new initiative, which promises to be very attractive to impulse-challenged teenagers across the country. Since MSU is one of America’s few fully-operational student-driven gambling businesses, we need to seize control of this market while we continue to enjoy a dominant position.

This is why we recommend the following image for the cover of the new brochure, with the accompanying copy:

MICHIGAN STATE: IT’S SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST LATE NIGHTS.

To anticipate your comment: No, he’s not holding a cigarette. We can easily add this, probably in front of the whiskey glass (once you decide which distillery you’d like to feature, among those with whom MSU partners, let us know and we’ll add a bottle with the relevant label). We also plan to edit in a large fraternity ring on his hand – probably the notorious Delta Kappa Epsilon haha! (Is it still under suspension?)

I don’t think we want to mess with the nice simple clarity of this image more than that (aside from, obviously, taking the gray out of the guy’s hair and thickening/tousling it a bit), but let us know if any other images (the muzzle of a gun between his fingers, in the context of gambling, would be an intriguing reminder of Stephen Paddock; but would it look too… suicidal?) seem attractive to you.

As always, we look forward to working closely as we optimize MSU’s advantages in the student-recruitment market.