… the most recent criminal gang to attract the attention of law enforcement includes a woman. True, her sentence for stealing federal funds meant for underprivileged children, and using them to buy high-end SUVs and Florida condos, will be merely time served, whereas the big boys are getting bigger, man-sized sentences. But they dealt her in, even though she’s a girl! This is where gender equality begins.

Harvard’s oddest lays out the glorious Cathophate-to-Come.

SHE/HER/FAKE

As always in identity hoaxes, the question is: what next? Most outed hoaxers have long since rejected their … inconvenient … families; and what with big news coverage, pretty much all employers see them coming.

And, wishing to avoid the embarrassment the American Friends Service Committee currently squirms beneath, employers are going to be discouraging, no matter how garish the poncho and massive the earrings.

Yet further, because most identity hoaxers are certifiable, there is no going back to any non-hoax rough-sketch of whatever they were before they assumed a new identity. Like their precursor, Alfred Jarry, they are at this point so jumbled up about whether they are, well, Ubu, or Roxanne Lebowski, or maybe Zdzisława Brzęczyszczykiewicz, that they are going to be flailing for at least awhile.

The one path open to them at this point is of course the memoir, in which – as in The Three Faces of Eve – they recount the lurid formative experiences that made them what they are today.

So let’s do it this way:

Fuck you, motherfucker.

The Volusia Florida sheriff gets it said, and then some.

But (see post below) at least he didn’t go to Yale!

Pity this simple man who thinks his smart, hardworking, working class son getting admitted to one of the two or three best undergraduate institutions in the world is something to be proud of. His bitter son has endlessly tried taking the wind out of that parental sail, instructing him in Yale’s “hostility to the Almighty and disparagement of America.” 

Yea, woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets. 

But after all these years, Dad still won’t listen, still fails to perceive a Yale education as pure “indoctrination,” a re-education camp in hate America first. His son pats himself on the back for having withstood undergrad and grad school at Yale with his love of country intact!

Though UD wonders about the sort of masochistic orientation that would not only stay in a cesspool for four years (had he not yet heard of transferring?), but extend the agony by staying there for law school.

UD knows it’s none of her business, but did Ron also have his girlfriends tie him down and beat him with a copy of Soul on Ice?

Frank Pavone went on to become one of Trump’s highest-ranked advisors on Catholic issues.

Father Pavone’s manifest erotic attraction to bodily gore, and his unique psychotic stagings of handheld human remains atop the holiest of sacred locations, would long ago have attracted the attention of urgent care mental health clinics had he not been ribboned and robed within the church…

Yet even the church, after letting far too much twisted bloodlust go, has recently defrocked him.

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Pavone has a long history of grooming and touching young women who work for him. All seem to have skeddadled before he had a chance to surgically remove their wombs and drink their uterine fluid from chalices in Jesus’ name. But now they’re speaking up.

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Since the church has defrocked him, I’m thinking the Pope will have no comment on this latest Pavone scandal. Pavone? Pavone who? Perhaps Trump wants to say a word.

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Given that Pavone isn’t any longer allowed to wear the priestly garb that gave him a serious leg up in anti-abortion show-stoppers, what to do? His response to being defrocked makes clear that lugging baby guts about from altar to altar and photographing himself panting over them remains his life’s passion. What to do?

Pavone has reportedly been in touch with several drag queens who specialize in clerical outfits, so that they can advise him in the maintenance of his look.

She sent out an Orwellian little missive about how the school district doesn’t tolerate this sort of thing, but, uh.

UD says fire her. Fire enough high-priced apathetic administrators and you might see a bit of a change. UD says the opening lines of her missive should have been:

As you have by now heard, two guns were found in two days at one of our high schools. If two guns were found, a reasonable inference is that there were three to five additional guns in the same school on those days.

Do not forget that there are almost certainly other weapons – knives, for instance – in backpacks and offices.

We have violent people among student and staff at this school, and I want you to help me think about/solve this terrible problem at an upcoming open forum that I have scheduled for…

… to your famiglia back in Brescia and have them buy molto luxury cars with Euro Parliament money — that (or this) is how growing numbers of Italian MEPs do the EU thing. Theft by theft, or theft by bribery: This is how we make modern Europe a better place.

Details in this case are fun. Her, uh, cooperating sisters and her cousins and her aunts back in Brescia

misrepresented their qualifications, having declared educational and professional skills that they did not have.

Che scioccante!

So this is what ol’ UD figures is afoot: The large and widening Qatargate scandal means a whole bunch of MEPs are desperately bargaining to stay out of jail. Best way out is to rat on the large MEP famiglia which is the Italian contingent in that body. Italy is so corrupt that already-fingered corrupt Italian MEPs have plenty of not-yet-fingered corrupt Italian MEPs to give up to the authorities in exchange for better treatment.

I.E. – Hold onto your hat; c’è di più da dove viene.

Her husband Chad stands with her.

Details.

Thuggery is mainstreamed at the University of Alabama…

That’s not quite right. It’s celebrated; it’s an occasion for amusing witticisms, as it was for the Alex Murdaugh defense attorney who pointed an assault weapon at the opposing table and said “Tempting.” In this case it’s Haw look at me I carry guns so much officials have to check me for them before I play basketball. Haw.

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Don’t bother Bama none that they recruit murderers and accessories to murderers. Guns? Everybody’s got ’em and fuck you.

The fact that he’s done this intro throughout the season is no excuse for his failure to read the room.

Huh? Who says he ain’t reading the room? What room? The US House chamber?

Anyway Brandon Miller’s pregame pat-down can’t hold a candle to New Mexico State’s pre-game introduction, where each basketball player pulls off his pants and invites the other players to finger his anus.

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Here’s a guy with absolutely no sense of humor. Boo.

… think of Joel Feinberg’s immortal A Ride on the Bus.

UD likes to drift among the current articles on the web ISO … kibbles you might enjoy.

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In a follow-up filing, Guttenberg argued that misspellings do not constitute proof of drunkenness.

True, true. But Scathing Online Schoolmarm thinks they may constitute … a suggestion … that something (“You have defamed, slandered and attempted to ruin my lively hood” … “The words that came out of her mouth were very offensive like calling the President a Nazi and refuring to constration camps and Nazi Germany.”) is very wrong.

This NYT article from the streets of Tehran features photos of Iranian women routinely going about the city without the hijab which – thanks to the vicious mullahs running the joint – millions of citizens now actively hate. Nothing like jailing and killing women because of their headgear to make yourself real popular.

And don’t forget – it’s not just the hijab.

Iran’s hijab law mandates that women and girls over 9 cover their hair, and that they hide the curves of their bodies under long, loose robes.

So the regime seems to have caged the young males they used to let loose among the population to attack unswaddled women. Maybe the government will bring back the morality police and maybe they won’t; the nuts are now talking about “warning women by text message, denying them civic services or blocking their bank accounts.”

Well, the war against women will always rage in theocracies; whether it’s waged crudely by killing them, or suavely by stalking them and making it impossible for them to live a normal life, the predilection to torture women into one or another form of invisibility will always be the most noteworthy and enduring feature of fundamentalist religious states/organized groupings of any kind. Given the Iranian state’s vileness and its power (authorities are already going after this incredibly brave woman — get a load of the way she HURLS the hijab to the floor! Note the lusty cheers.), it’s astoundingly impressive the way millions of Iranian women are just saying fuck you come and get me.

… where will the mass shooting take place – inside the courtroom or out? Assault weapons are absolutely everywhere in and around the South Carolina courthouse, with the latest use involving the lead defense attorney pointing one at the prosecution table and saying, to general amusement, “Tempting.” As things fail to go the defense’s/Murdaugh’s way, we can certainly expect some firepower to be released. Let’s consider the possibilities.

1.) The extended Murdaugh clan seems in possession of hundreds of AR-15-style score-settlers, and if the prosecution keeps sayin bad shit about their bro they might could get a court official buddy to slip in their weaponry, and then they’d kill a bunch of opposing counsel and rescue Alex and move the clan down Mexico way.

2.) Some lunatic local racist has been, let’s say, steaming bigtime about a black man, of all things, presiding over a white folks trial. Don’t make the state look good when uppity you know whats sit way up there in robes telling state senators their objections are overruled. He too smuggles in his AR-15, blows the judge away, is himself shot full of holes, and in the general pandemonium six other people, including three jurors, are killed. Mistrial!

3.) Didn’t think I’d forget the suicide scenario, did you? Alex, who has already tried something along these lines, uses his superior height/strength to overpower court security and blows his brains out. “You’ve destroyed this great and good man!” shout the defense team, initiating a riot so severe that shots must be fired to quell it. Four people die, fourteen critically wounded.

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Guns kill and we have 400 million of them and counting. Only one country in the world has constitutionally protected arms possession with minimal regulations — the United States. Not even the most primitive of societies can compete now with our new predictable savagery.